The Identity of the Unconscious

I have never carried enough things around to lose anything.
As long as I have my smartphone and wallet, I don't have any trouble, and I find wearing accessories to be a hassle, so even though Toru invited me to get my ears pierced several times, I declined.

I do think piercings themselves look cool, but of course, I never told him that I was just terrified of getting holes punched in my ears.

I am the vice president of a music club—a club whose purpose is unclear just from the name—and today I am heading once again to our activity space, the Second Music Room.

Beside me is Toru, a fellow club member.
He is a friend I made after joining the club, and we became close because our musical tastes aligned. We have spent so much time together now that I could call him my best friend.

With his slightly brown, wavy hair, height of nearly 180 centimeters, and an elusive aura about him, he is actually a secret heartthrob.
I'm not sure if he realizes it himself, but I occasionally see girls within the club who seem to have feelings for him.

As for me, I look completely ordinary from every angle, and my romantic experience is also quite average.
I don't have anything particularly noteworthy to talk about, and if I had to name something I could boast about, it would probably just be that I'm good at English.

In the Second Music Room, several club members were already busy with their own activities.
The music club is a very free-spirited group where we listen to whatever music we like, regardless of genre, perform it, or introduce it to others.

The main First Music Room is taken by the light music and brass band clubs, so we are assigned the Second Music Room, which is rarely used.

When I enter the room, I head toward the group of four who have pushed their tables together by the window.
The Second Music Room is a name only; once you step inside, it is no different from a regular classroom.
There is a preparation room of sorts, so there are likely instruments, but they are probably all old.

“Good work! You two always come together, don't you have any other friends in the club?” our classmate Ruri says teasingly, swaying her long black hair.

“It's not that we don't have any, but Yuto is just comfortable to be around, all things considered.”
Toru has a tendency to say things like this quite casually. He is straightforward by nature and the type who cannot tell a lie. I find this honesty and directness enviable, and it dazzles me.

“Last time it was Akira's turn, so I guess today is Mai's turn.”
Ruri, having smoothly brushed off Toru's comment, turns her gaze toward Mai, a junior sitting to her right.

Our main club activity is introducing songs we like.
We take turns, discuss what we like about them or interpret the lyrics, and spend our time as we please.

Our common ground is that everyone loves music.
There are bands and vocalists I've learned about in this club, and it's fun because it feels like my world of music is expanding.

The all-female rock band Akira introduced last time was also my first time hearing them, but they were very much to my taste.
Contrary to their cool appearance, the vocalist's sad and delicate voice intertwined with the band's heavy sound to create a strange sense of comfort.
Rather than the technique or skill, it was a voice that, for some reason, remained in my heart and wouldn't leave.

“Mai?”
Ruri, suspicious that there was no reply to her words, calls out again.
As for her, she was looking at Toru as if she had something to say.

“…Ah, yes! That's right.”
Mai, as if snapped back to reality by Ruri's words, continues as if it were difficult to say.

“Before my song introduction, could I have a moment?”
While letting her gaze wander, she took out a small envelope.
That envelope, which looked smaller than a money envelope, was slightly bulging.

“This was dropped on the floor during the last club meeting. I thought it might be Toru-senpai's…”
After speaking while looking at the small envelope placed on the desk, she looks toward Toru as if to check.

“Hm? Mine?”
As for Toru, he seems to have no idea about this small envelope and wears a puzzled expression.

Even so, the moment he picked up the envelope and took out the contents, his face lit up with realization.
“A piercing…!”
The identity of the bulge in the envelope was a silver-shining piercing.
Looking at it in Toru's hand, it was certainly not something I didn't recognize.

When I suddenly became curious and looked at his ear, a simple black piercing was attached.

Toru happily tucked the silver earring into her bag, which seemed to be larger and more intricately designed than the one she was currently wearing.

This is something I really cherished. I thought I had lost one of them, so I was pretty depressed. I'm so glad it was found. Thank you, Mai.
As Mai softened her eyes happily at Toru's words, my chest gave a sudden jolt, and at the same time, it ached with a crushing pain.

I had vaguely realized that Mai had feelings for Toru.
Ironically, I seemed to be the only one who noticed, and I convinced myself that it was only natural since she cared about him more than anyone else.

Mai, you're always so observant about those things. You even picked up a keychain I cherished a while back.
Rena, who was sitting to Mai's right, said with admiration.
Mai looked uncomfortable, perhaps because she wasn't used to being praised, which was incredibly endearing.

Should I try getting my ears pierced too?
Or maybe something else that I could potentially drop.

If I did that, would she pick it up for me?
And if I thanked her, would she smile at me just like she did a moment ago?

I painted such fantasies in my mind, then exhaled them with a small sigh.

Because Mai is kind, I think she would pick up anything anyone dropped.
However, the emotions and feelings held in those eyes would never be the same.

Those eyes and emotions directed at Toru would never be directed at me.

Knowing the gaze she directed at the person next to her, I still found it ridiculous that I couldn't let go of my feelings for Mai.
I wanted to erase both this sense of inferiority I felt toward my best friend and my feelings for the underclassman who was drawn to that same friend, if I could.

I have sometimes wondered if I wouldn't have fallen in love if I had known from the start.
The answer is "I don't know."
I realized I had fallen in love before I knew it, so there's not much point in thinking about "what if" scenarios or what would have happened if we hadn't met.

In the end, I can neither erase nor change these feelings.
Precisely because I know that, it's still ridiculous and makes me want to laugh.

I've never felt this way in past relationships, and this sensation was a first.
I try to think positively, wondering if this might be what they call "fated love."

Whether it's fate or coincidence, it doesn't matter.
I don't know when it will be, but I'm prepared to wait until the time feels right.
Until then, I want to have the composure to enjoy our relationship as underclassman and upperclassman.

Mai's voice introducing the next song reached me from afar.
I felt like I had heard a similar voice recently, so I searched my memory.

The other members were listening intently, and the summer sunlight streamed in through a slightly opened window.
As I drifted on the waves of memory, I eventually realized what it was.

Ah, that's right.
It's the vocalist of the band that Akira introduced to me.
I realized that this was the true nature of the feeling I had felt back then, and I gave a bitter smile.

It seems I'm in worse shape than I thought.
Even if it was unconscious, I had been drawn to that voice.

The wind sways Mai's hair as she speaks earnestly, showing me the lyrics displayed on her smartphone.
That wind brushes past my ears, and for some reason, I feel good.

I shift my mood, lean in a little, and look at the smartphone in Mai's hand.
I see the song title, and my heart skips a beat.

"Unconscious"

—I take back what I said.
This really is a fated love after all.

Mai's gaze darts toward me as I suddenly break into a smile.

I participated in the 4th project of the Unrequited Love Literature Club.
This is a story from the perspective of a different character who appeared in the previous work. (The previous work is here.)

I think there are some loves where you wish you hadn't fallen in love if it couldn't be returned.
Even if you think that way, your feelings don't disappear; in fact, they only grow stronger.
I think falling in love with someone is a wonderful and fascinating thing precisely because it is so mysterious.
This time, I changed the atmosphere a little and tried to make the ending brighter than usual.