Self-Care #954+ξ [Reflections on Being Yourself✨🌌...] To shine is not for someone else. It is a quiet light for your own sake.

This article

participates in the November assignment project for the note University Fortune-telling Club shown below.

"What does it mean to be yourself?✨🌌..."

"Shining as your true self."

It is a beautiful phrase that I hear often lately.

However,

when I try to look back on my own life,

the scene that phrase describes

does not

clearly emerge in my memories.

Of course,

it is not that there were

no moments at all where I felt I was "shining."

However,

I don't think that was

my 'true self'.

If anything,

I was being praised by those around me

for the qualifications I had earned

or the titles I had been given,

and I mistook that for my own inner light.

I think that was one of those moments.

The unfortunate thing is,

I have a tendency to get carried away

and let praise go to my head.

That is perhaps why,

I may have lost sight of the true meaning

of 'shining as you are'.

But is that really the case?

A little more,

I quietly looked into the depths of my heart.

And then,

I arrived at one thought.

That the act of me "shining" and

the dazzling "results" seen by others

might not necessarily be the same thing.

Gritty, unglamorous effort.

At times,

the time spent being so absorbed in something

that you don't even realize it is effort.

Along the way,

you may not be recognized by anyone,

and even you yourself

might not think you are shining at all.

But,

that time,

can bear fruit in an unexpected moment.

Even if you struggle and suffer,

and the results you want don't come easily,

one day you might realize,

that you have reached a passing grade in a way that surprises even yourself.

Or,

when you stop and look back at your journey,

it may be a little different from those around you,

but you might realize later,

that you have truly become a unique existence all your own.

That "quiet realization that arrives with a time lag" is perhaps,

in the true sense,

the moment when you were "shining as your true self."

I have come to think so.

And,

I realized something even more important.

It is,

not to try to shine by force,

or try to sparkle,

or wish to be praised by someone,

or wish to be seen in a good light.

Not to wish for these things.

These wishes,

all cause your own heart's axis to

You are in a state of being focused on "others."

When you entrust your heart to

things you cannot control,

such as the evaluations of others,

our hearts are constantly wavering,

and we can never find peace.

Even if you manage to play the role of your ideal self,

it is painful if you are not validated.

It just becomes a repeating cycle.

That is why,

what is truly important,

regardless of what others may think,

is to first quietly accept your own "current reality"

as it is.

Whether that is,

something considered good by society,

or something considered bad.

Over the past few years,

I have learned the phrase 'self-understanding saves you.'

And,

that 'self-understanding' always,

includes 'self-acceptance.'

Furthermore,

I was taught that 'self-acceptance' means,

not just accepting your strengths,

but also your weaknesses,

and even the uncool parts of yourself that you don't want others to see,

accepting them entirely,

as they are.

When I think about it that way,

I am still,

perhaps nowhere near reaching the state of

"shining as my true self."

Somewhere inside,

I still care about what others think,

look away from the parts of myself I find unappealing,

and find myself trying to put on a small front.

But,

maybe that is okay.

To accept myself as I am right now,

even though I haven't reached that state,

is the first step to embracing my "true self."

From there,

It feels as if a new journey of mine is about to begin.

That is the feeling I have.

Tonight, too,

I gently turn my smartphone face down,

and lie down on my bed.

Good night.

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