The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand

6:55 PM · June 20, 2021

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 1]
Spring and spring. The spring I suffered from my first pain.

Spring storm, the color of flowers that know no peace.
Even at noon, the moon emerges through the gathering clouds.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 2]
There is no honor in it. It's not like I can take someone else's place.
An elephant is rampaging in my head.
My family, unable to bear it any longer, arranged for a hospital visit, and I finally surrendered to the pain.
I hate hospitals, so I have nothing but gratitude for my family.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 3]
With the diagnosis, I have happily completed the set of primary headaches. Yay!
If I played headache bingo, I think I'd do pretty well.

Before I was even old enough to know better, the smell of cars was a trigger, and the exhaust fumes after recovering from illness would gouge my brain. In middle school, I encountered scintillating scotoma. It wasn't until I was an adult that I learned everyone called it a migraine.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 4]
Naturally, I didn't know that using painkillers would solve it.
I dealt with the pain raw, and by favoring the pain, I developed tension headaches from shoulder and neck stiffness.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 5]
Since learning about painkillers, I have followed the dosage and administration carefully, choosing the strength of the medicine according to the symptoms and timing, and have been able to maintain a good distance from them. They are such a handful.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 6]
Ibuprofen-senpai and Caffeine-kun are reliable after all, and Acetylsalicylic Acid-san's bedside manner is gentle. That 'half kindness' is no joke.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 7]
And then, it suddenly appears there.
My first encounter was several years ago.
I became suspicious because the painkillers didn't work and it was so punctual, appearing at the same time every day with such seriousness.
Back then, there was less information on the internet than there is now. Don't say something ridiculous like 'having sex will make it easier'!
There's no way I'd have the energy for that!

To be continued

6:36 PM · June 21, 2021

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 8]
I researched various things and even tried a nasal spray containing lidocaine.
The timing is difficult, and there are usage restrictions.
My technique didn't improve much, and above all, the rebound nasal congestion was brutal, so I stopped early on.
It just didn't work out for me.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 9]
Above all, the pain is severe. It's like committing domestic violence on myself.
It doesn't care about my convenience at all.
I'm woken up without hesitation even while sleeping. It seems to love attacking me by surprise while I'm asleep.
Honestly, it doesn't feel good at all. I just want it to stop.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 10]
At its peak, I even forget to breathe; just breathing is all I can manage.
I'm just a creature that occasionally breathes and writhes in agony. Even groaning is too much.
The stains on the ceiling?
I'd love for you to try counting them!

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 11]
My thoughts are torn apart by splitting pain.
But it doesn't tear my clothes—a strange, gentlemanly behavior where it doesn't tear them.
Naturally, my condition is a wreck from lack of sleep.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 12]
The internet says to go to the hospital if it's severe.
But it's such a one-sided, relentless attack that it doesn't allow for that.
I wish it would use that technique for something else.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 13]
During the cluster period, my life is trampled on for a few hours every single day without fail.
I can't do things for myself, think about the person I love, or curse the person I hate.
Even after that, I feel so sluggish that I don't really feel like going out.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 14]
To distract from the pain, I press on my forehead, temples, and the top of my head.
I feel like digging my nails in, so I recommend doing it through a hood or cloth.
When my hands get tired, I press against a wall or a desk.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 15]
It's hard to control the pressure so I don't get internal bleeding. If it were a hickey, it would be a funny story.
It's a form of self-harm similar to the wounds I get from clawing at my throat because I feel like I'm suffocating.
When the headache subsides, sometimes I can't tell for a moment which pain is which.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 16]
It seems some people clench their teeth, but I wonder if it depends on the person.
It wasn't very effective for me.

To be continued

12:40 PM · June 22, 2021

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 17]
There are warning signs, like scintillating scotoma.
The nostril on the same side as the head that is about to hurt gets blocked.
Also, tears fall even if I'm not in pain or sad.
Well, once the headache starts, it is painful and sad, but that's not why I'm crying.
I prepare myself—mentally, with medication, and by finding a place and position—to face it head-on.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 18]
Because it happens so many days in a row, I start to fear the nasal congestion that acts as a precursor. Sleeping is also a little scary.
I have rhinitis to begin with, so my nose gets blocked regardless of the warning signs.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 19]
Even when my nose gets blocked at unrelated times, I start to wonder if it's happening again.
Trauma complete.
Maybe I don't feel that way when tears fall because I feel more of a crisis when it becomes hard to breathe.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 20]
I get a little anxious if the attack doesn't come at the usual time.
Do I miss the pain? No way!
The mere exposure effect!? Stockholm syndrome!?
Even though I truly hate and resent it.
I like rubbing a bump after the pain is gone, but is it similar to that!?

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 21]
Even when it hurts or after the pain has passed, the malaise, sensory hypersensitivity, and depressive state continue.
This is the same as a migraine. Of course, my emotions are unstable.
3000 times the sensitivity sounds intense, but this is no slouch either.
I feel like I have a talent for torture.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 22]
When I become hypersensitive, all my perceptions scream in discomfort.
It's too bright, too loud, and the temperature, humidity, wind, smells, and tastes are all disgusting.
It's not usually like this.
I want you to be a little kinder than usual, even if it's just a little.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 23]
They say it's even called a suicide headache.
It's so painful that I don't really have the luxury of dying, but if there were a gun nearby, maybe some people would pull the trigger.
Because I'm in pain and hypersensitive, everything in the world that my body touches becomes physiologically unbearable.
My body rejects the world.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 24]
My own body is no longer a place where I can exist, and I lose my place in the whole world.
There is nowhere left to cling to.
If that makes me feel like there's no point in living, I might understand why.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 25]
Even when the pain subsides, there's still sensory hypersensitivity, depression, and malaise.
Not only that, but my body is exhausted from the pain.
I can't do anything at all, and it's just stressful. Even though it doesn't hurt anymore.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 26]
I feel cornered by people telling me not to push myself. Even though I know they care about me.
My responses are poor, and my emotions are unstable. I can't act as friendly as I usually do.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 27]
The things I can usually do are slipping through my fingers.
A sense of helplessness that I can't do anything about. I lose the strength to hold on.
Maybe that's why I feel like dying when I'm in that state of mind. This pattern might exist too.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 28]
Even if I have no appetite, I eat something. Something gentle.
Humans never know when they might become unable to eat.
So, I eat properly when I can.

To be continued

12:36 PM · June 24, 2021

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 29]
One in a thousand is surprisingly common. That's 100,000 people out of 100 million.
But it seems unlikely you'll meet one unless you try to look for them.
So it's the same as them not existing at all. It's normal not to know.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 30]
I don't mention it every time when I'm feeling well, and honestly, it's exhausting to explain when I'm not.
In the end, it's just a headache, after all.
And so, the gap remains unbridged. This is common, not just with illnesses.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 31]
I managed to get through it last time. Though I was drugged up, following the dosage and usage instructions.
Basically, it doesn't work very well. But it's better than not taking it. Like a drop in the bucket.
Be careful not to let shoulder and neck stiffness turn into a tension headache combo.
Thank you for the topical pain reliever. However, the adhesive pain patch, you are no good. I get a rash immediately.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 32】
Perhaps because of that, I had a migraine at the same time the day after taking painkillers for a migraine.
A migraine that felt like the echo of a migraine. Is this the medication-overuse headache I've heard rumors about?
It calmed down once I gradually reduced the medication.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 33】
This cluster headache was more painful than the last one.
Even though I should have experienced it before. It's the first time it's hurt all the way to my ears.
I used to get ear infections easily, and that pain is quite something, but this ear pain isn't quite like that.
Unlike ear infections or migraines, it doesn't throb, so I suppose it's linked.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 34】
It's fine that I decided to go to the hospital, but I can't move.
A while after the peak passed, I managed to become able to walk.
I don't need help, so just let me walk at my own pace. Even if it's at a snail's pace.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 35】
The temperature, humidity, smells, wind, and noise all bare their fangs.
The mask that blocks my breathing and sticks to my skin is uncomfortable.
I'm doing my best just to walk slowly because my head hurts, so I'd appreciate it if they didn't pile on more.
It was evening, so I was saved by the fact that it wasn't glaringly bright anymore.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 36】
To the hospital in the family car. Neurosurgery.
It's harder to stand up and sit down than it is to walk, isn't it?
I gagged several times from the smell inside the car.
I hadn't eaten anything, so I didn't actually throw up!
The shaking is also tough. I've become so weak.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 37】
Near the hospital. Getting out of the car. It's definitely smellier and noisier than near my house. Can't be helped.
The hospital is on the second floor of a building. My mother is accompanying me.
I hate elevators. I slowly climbed the stairs.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 38】
Arrived at the hospital just before closing time. The receptionist is saying something.
Ah, temperature check and hand sanitizing. Okay. I can do that.
Medical questionnaire? Oh, the questionnaire. I can read it.
Writing is a huge chore. My handwriting is shaky. Can they read it? Is this really necessary right now?
Can't I just tell them later?

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 39】
Medications I'm using? It's not that many, but do I have to write it now?
It's just an ordinary over-the-counter anti-inflammatory painkiller.
The product names are confusing, like Gundam something, and I don't remember every little detail, and the ingredient names are long.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 40】
Handed in the questionnaire and waited.
Waiting. Waiting.
I want to lie down. My hand pressing on my head is tired. It's a little bright. I'm not cold. The noise is okay.
The patients who were in the waiting room before me are leaving.
Just a little more patience.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 41】
My name is called. I have to stand. Get pumped up.
Walk slowly to the examination room.
Welcomed by the nurse and the doctor.
Sat down in the chair I was directed to. Slowly.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 42】
“What's the matter?”
The doctor asks.
…My head hurts. …Huh? No sound came out.
Was talking always this hard?

To be continued

6:13 PM · June 24, 2021

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 43】
Pulled myself together and cleared my throat. Forced my voice out.
Explaining is exhausting. Did they understand?
After a few questions and answers, the doctor says,
“That's a typical cluster headache.”
I suppose so.
The doctor hands me a printout and starts explaining at length.
I suppose so.
This is why I hate hospitals.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 44】
Maybe I don't have good luck with doctors.
I'll listen to the explanation later, just please treat me.
I came here because I'm feeling sick.
I can't have a proper conversation.
The doctor is fat. His hairline is receding.
I can't even muster the energy to interrupt. My heart is wilting.
And that's how I end up staying away from hospitals.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 45】
Subcutaneous injection (muscle), 100% oxygen!
Immediate treatment.
Prompted by the nurse to the bed, I stagger and lie down.
“The injection will hurt!”
Braced myself. …What, compared to the headache, it's an elephant and a bee.
I hate injections, but this headache is serious.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 46】
Attached the mask for inhalation?
Oxygen started flowing.
Something is bubbling next to me.
There's a device that looks like a water displacement filter attached.
Is this 100%? I can't tell the difference.
Will it work? I hope it works.
Water displacement, that brings back memories.
Also remembered turning limewater cloudy.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 47】
“Your tears... it hurts, doesn't it? You poor thing.”
The nurse wiped my tears with a tissue.
I'm not crying because it hurts. The doctor said that earlier, too.
...I could cry. Oh, she's an angel.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 48】
The inhalation mask slipped down and blocked my nostrils.
Well, that's not a mask that lets me inhale, is it?
I had no choice but to hold it in place with one hand.
Since I couldn't lean against the hospital wall, my other hand was pressing against my head.
Both my hands were occupied in a strange position.
I must have looked quite ridiculous.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 49】
“Are you cold?” the nurse asked.
Don't look at me! I couldn't say that out loud, so I squeezed out a voice asking to keep the wind off me.
She turned off the air conditioner. I wish she had just changed the direction of the airflow instead.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 50】
I endured it in a strange pose.
Twice during the process, my consciousness faded.
I was immediately pulled back by the pain.
It's intense. It won't let me sleep at all.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 51】
It seems 30 minutes have passed. The nurse came back.
The inhalation is finished. I wonder if the treatment is over now.
My steps were steadier than before.
However, I don't know if it's thanks to the treatment or if the attack just subsided with time.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 52】
This time I can talk to the doctor a bit more.
I knew it, but apparently, there's compatibility and timing for both oxygen and medication.
The prescribed medicine is Selenica R, to be taken before bed to gradually weaken the migraines.
And for acute use, a nasal spray of Imigran, the same as the injection from earlier.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 53】
Both are migraine medications, but they are apparently effective for cluster headaches too.
We decided to start with this medication and see how it goes, and change it if it doesn't suit me.
That sounds good, doesn't it? Gradually weakening it.
Huh? You're asking if I'm not currently being subjected to a cluster headache in real-time?
That's true. It's unforgivable, isn't it?

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 54】
The nasal spray is a tricky one. It's a different medicine than before.
There are usage restrictions: a maximum of two times a day, with a two-hour interval.
Well, that's common for nasal sprays. And it takes technique to make it work well.
Yet, because of the restrictions, it's hard to practice.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 55】
The difficulty of mastering it is the trade-off for its immediate effect.
Moreover, the doctor said to use it in the nostril opposite to the headache once the pain starts.
Why is that? I was too exhausted to ask for the reason.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 56】
I got the prescription, so I'm going to the pharmacy.
The pharmacy is on the first floor of the next building.
I avoided the elevator as expected, but perhaps because the headache had receded a little, the wind and the others were quiet.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 57】
I arrived at the pharmacy. Ten minutes before closing. I made it, good job me!
Temperature check and hand disinfection. Right.
Another questionnaire-like thing? Do they have that at the pharmacy too?
My handwriting is as terrible as ever. So, do I have to write down the medicines I'm using here too?
I understand, I understand, but please give me a break right now.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 58】
It seems the medicine is ready. The pharmacist called me.
“This time it's migraine medication, right?”
“Yes.”
It's not for migraines, though.
“Does this mean the medicine you were taking stopped working?”
It works for that, but it doesn't work for this. Explaining is exhausting.
“...Something like that.”

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 59】
I received the same explanation as at the hospital. I understand. That's what I heard earlier.
In other words, I didn't mishear. That's wonderful.
I was a bit surprised by the price of the acute medication at checkout. I can't afford to waste any.
The difficulty of mastering it just went up even more.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 60】
But it is a prescription drug, after all.
Just you wait. I'll show you what I'm made of.
I hope it works.

To be continued

6:51 PM · June 25, 2021

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 61】
And it wouldn't be solved that easily.
It wouldn't, would it? It's not normal.
Twice a day, without fail, I'm attacked in the early morning and early afternoon.
You can take a break sometimes, you know? I'm quite serious.
While hoping for a gradual weakening, I'll try to master the nasal spray.

【The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 62】
Using the nasal spray in the nostril opposite to the headache, when I looked it up, it seems to mean the nostril that isn't blocked.
They say the medicine works better that way.
The success rate of the nasal spray is 50%. I want to believe that even if it fails, it's working a little bit.
By the way, my stock of nasal spray is low. I can't fight the weekend with this.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 63]
The early morning dose worked. When it works, the pain just fades away smoothly.
My sensory hypersensitivity, fatigue, and depression haven't changed much, but I think my recovery is faster because I'm not being drained by the pain.
At this rate, I can go get my medicine first thing in the morning!

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 64]
My physical condition is on the better side. The weather is a light rain. That's why the wind isn't being rough. My mask is no problem either.
I arrive at the hospital. It's different from last time. I finish the reception process efficiently. Amazing!
Given the season, there's a line for vaccines. I didn't notice that the other day.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 65]
I was able to talk to the doctor quite a bit this time.
The nurses' uniforms—is that the doctor's preference? Light blue dresses below the knee. Neat and cute.
I was also able to confirm how to use the nasal spray. They said I was doing it right!
In other words, use it in the nostril with less runny nose. Otherwise, the medicine gets diluted.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 66]
And they said I can combine it with the over-the-counter painkillers I had been avoiding since I was prescribed the new medicine!
I can't exactly say I'm invincible now, but it's reassuring, and I'm genuinely happy to have my combat power doubled (both mentally and financially).
Welcome back, my familiar standby medicines. We'll be together from now on too!

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 67]
Things I've started to understand.
The prodrome of an attack: tears, nasal congestion, and a headache starting from a fuzzy brain.
The timing for the nasal spray seems best at the moment the pain starts from that fuzziness.
It feels like overlapping the increasing pain with the medicine taking effect.
If it's too early or too late, it doesn't feel like it works very well.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 68]
Up to this point was last Saturday.
I've lost 3kg in this past month (BMI 18).
A weight loss method I absolutely do not recommend.
All you good kids out there, don't try this!
Also, the nasal spray is bitter. It numbs you. Don't aspire to use it.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 69]
Maybe the medicine has been gradually taking effect. I feel like the pain has generally been cut in half.
Even so, it still hurts enough that I'd want to hold my head if I didn't use the rescue medication, and it hasn't changed the fact that I can't do anything, even if I'm not writhing in agony.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 70]
Then, a rare scintillating scotoma. I had just taken acetylsalicylic acid a little while ago.
I hope it's just my usual migraine, not cluster headaches. Trusting in the duration of the effect, I face it head-on without any guard.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 71]
The attacks have become three times a day. I wish it were just my death throes instead.
Early morning, evening, late night. You're being too diligent.
That's what you call a 'black company' environment, you know? Where did you get that kind of training? You don't have to try that hard. Nobody benefits from that.
The limit for rescue medication is twice a day. I can't rely on the nasal spray for one of them.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 72]
When I'm feeling good, I let my guard down immediately.
I felt good and did some cleaning, then was bewildered when my PC wouldn't turn on.
My heart breaks so easily.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 73]
Fortunately, the cable was just unplugged.
You've experienced that you can't do things as usual, haven't you!
Your breathing was shallower than usual, wasn't it? Notice it!

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 74]
Feeling uneasy about the nasal spray, I go to the hospital.
I have cluster migraines, but when the pain or my schedule allows, I refrain from taking the rescue medication.
When I told the doctor about the third attack, they said to think about which attack to use the rescue medication for and choose accordingly.
Well, that makes sense.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 75]
They said the gradual effect starts to show its true potential after about two weeks of continuous use.
Like with migraines, it's more likely to happen in early spring, the rainy season, and typhoon season, so they prescribed extra medicine for me to use during those times if I have any left over.
That's a big help.

It continues a little longer

12:47 PM · June 26, 2021

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 76]
From here on, it feels like a war of attrition until the cluster period ends.
Subduing the pain of the attacks with rescue medication.
Will the medicine stop working first, or will the headache subside first?
It's a battle of endurance between my body and the cluster headaches to see which one gives up first.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 77]
I don't know who compared it, but they say this pain is about the same as childbirth.
If so, I wonder if mothers everywhere understand this pain.
This pain is just too unproductive. It doesn't even let me use telekinesis.
Childbirth is the height of productivity, isn't it?

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 78]
But Natsume Soseki incorporated scintillating scotoma into his work.
A migraine prodrome where your vision gets covered in mosaics.
I tried to see if the mosaics would cancel each other out, but it was useless.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 79]
I writhe and endure, preparing for the storm to pass.
Even with preparation, you can never completely wipe away the anxiety.
Even at times like that, radio and streaming are a real salvation. Thank you, always.
You don't even have to look at the screen.
They support me even through the empty time spent just being tormented and letting it pass.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 80]
Even so, frustration is frustration. It's so frustrating I could cry.
Well, I can't stop the tears even when I'm not frustrated, though.
I will take revenge on this pain.
To repay this sadness.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 81]
So, last time, I wrote a waka poem. It was just around the time I was reading a book on the Hyakunin Isshu.
I wanted to try packing a lot of thoughts into 31 characters.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 82]
And the reader can let their imagination run wild without being bound by it.
That's the beginning. It's amateurish, but I quite like how the madness seeps into the dynamic dizziness.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 83]
And this time, it's this.
If you live long enough, everyone has two or three physical troubles, whether it's a chronic illness, allergies, or just their constitution.
They are all different, and you don't go out of your way to tell people about them.
That's why, honestly, I didn't want to write about this.
It's not fun to see other people's suffering.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 84]
No one likes to read records of pain, unless they have that kind of hobby.
I don't like screams, and I don't like misery either.
If you're going to get involved, it should be fun.
It's definitely better if you can feel glad that you got involved.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 85]
So I decided to write it in a fun way. Thanks to that, I was able to write it reasonably well.
I wonder if I managed to get a little bit of my own back with this.
What do you mean, one in a thousand? Take that!

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 86]
I think people who suffer from headaches should find a regular doctor before it gets too bad.
You end up enduring it when you can, and when you can't, you're already unable to move.
It lowers the hurdle for when things get critical. That's not just limited to headaches, though.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 87]
But I didn't want to bother the hospital if it was something I could handle myself.
Though, I wonder how that compares to showing up suddenly when things get critical.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 88]
People who are in an environment where they can complain or rely on others with relative ease will surely live a long life.
Finally, if those who have read this far have found it worth reading, I would be happy.

[The Story of Being Chosen as One in a Thousand 89]
If you have someone close to you who is not good at that, please, only when you have the capacity, I want you to help them out a little.
Even just a little bit, please be a source of strength for them, and I want to be that way myself.
First and foremost, I will focus on my recovery so that I can take care of others.

The End