The woman who didn't want children, but now has no reason not to

Hello, I'm the woman who wrote in this article about how I had no desire to get married, but then I started dating and found a boyfriend.

Since I had no desire to get married, naturally I didn't want children either. However, now that I have a boyfriend, I don't exactly want children... rather, I have no reason not to have them.

The reasons why I didn't want children in the first place

I like children, and during my university years, I worked in places where children were present, such as after-school programs and cram schools. Whenever a friend had a baby, I was the first one to fly over to play with them.

Even so, I couldn't bring myself to want a child of my own.

Of course, there were reasons like "childbirth carries risks" or "my career would be interrupted," but as I have publicly stated my suicidal ideation on this Note before, I am not afraid of dying at all. I am also planning my career so that it won't be interrupted, so that's not an issue.

The reason I didn't want to have children is simply,"gender inequality".

Women bear the burden of labor, pregnancy, childbirth, housework, childcare, and raising their husbands

I have long been taught by my mother and friends that
"men don't do housework or childcare (or if they do, the level is low), so you have to raise them"
.

However, women learn to do housework and childcare by researching and struggling on their own, so isn't it unfair thatmen take it for granted that they should be taught the "correct answers" by women?

Moreover, at the point of giving birth, women are already carrying the heavy burden often months of pregnancy and life-threatening childbirth.

As a basic premise, I plan to work both during and after pregnancy, and since I earn more than the average man, the argument that "men will earn the money" is no counter-argument at all.

(Or rather, in this day and age where dual-income households are the norm, that is extremely anachronistic.)

It is not easy to find a man who is qualified to be a father

On top of that, when I hear the complaints of fathers (lol) in the world, such as "I cheated because my wife wouldn't pay attention to me during pregnancy" or "I lost my motivation because she said there was still dirt left after I washed the dishes," the meaning of "the risk of having a child" becomes twofold.the meaning of "the risk of having a child" becomes twofold.

"Not all men are like that"

people say, but then how easy is it to find a man who doesn't cheat, thinks about housework and childcare equally, isn't emotionally abusive, has a decent income, and understands the gravity of pregnancy and childbirth?

Comments like "It's your fault for marrying a man like that" are routinely posted on mom accounts venting on social media, but I wish someone would tell me how to discern that.

(In the first place, don't idiots who criticize others based only on hindsight without offering solutions have no right to judge people?)

Even so, I can't bring myself to step into the "not having children" side

While there are many couples and young people who choose not to have children, I could never be one of them.

No matter what, that instinctual feeling of 'eventually raising a child' is stuck to me and won't go away.

Since my friends who declare they will be single for life say they don't have 'that,' I suppose I truly had a personality that made it difficult to choose not to have children.

…Or so I thought, but then my reasons for not having children disappeared.

That was when a turning point in my life occurred: I got a boyfriend who wanted to date me with the intention of marriage.

He does 'housework' as a matter of course.

If it were just 'cooking for a new girlfriend,' even a man who commits emotional abuse could do that.

But his cooking is:

'Deciding the menu while considering the schedule and what we've eaten, carefully selecting cheaper ingredients at the supermarket, readily agreeing to my suggestion of 'cabbage is expensive, so why not use bean sprouts instead?', cooking in a kitchen kept clean, putting pre-rinsed dishes into the dishwasher after eating, and boiling water to make tea for after the meal while doing so.'

That is what he does.

He does that every weekend when I come over to stay.

Furthermore, when I complained of premenstrual abdominal pain at his house, what did he do?

He drove me all the way to my house, an hour and a half away.

The solution of 'driving someone home' for 'abdominal pain' might seem unrelated at first glance, but with the unstable mental state before a period, a woman riding a crowded train in the city center alone and walking home on dark streets is more lonely and nerve-wracking than usual.

Besides, with my boyfriend accompanying me, the probability of encountering sexual harassment or being hit on becomes close to zero, and if I fall asleep on the train, he will wake me up.

…I don't know if he foresaw all that, or if it was simply because he was 'worried' or 'this was the only thing he could do,' but regardless, I was happy with that consideration and action.

I thought that someone who could understand and be considerate of a woman's emotional side to this extent, and who had made housework a natural habit, could not possibly be someone who lacks the qualifications to be a father.

As a result, I no longer have any particular reason 'not to have children'.

He does housework as a matter of course.

When I praised him by comparing him to the husbands of my friends who stop doing housework after marriage,

He looked puzzled, saying, "Isn't it normal for men to live alone, so shouldn't anyone be able to do housework? Why would they stop doing it once they get married...?"

as if hecould not understand it.

...As a result of observing him like this, the "risk of giving birth" in my mind was reduced to nothing more than "dying during childbirth," and I came to think, "There is no reason for me to firmly refuse to give birth."

Of course, I don't know if I can get pregnant.
I might try for a baby and end up not having children as a result.

However, there is no doubt that the fact that my "reason for not having children"—the sense of gender inequality in having children—has been resolved has had a major impact on my life plan.

When I told this to a friend I've known for over 10 years (who declares she will be single for life), she was very surprised.

"It's amazing how your way of thinking can change depending on the partner. If it were that person, I might even think it's okay to get married."

...My boyfriend is a terrifying man to make not only me but also a woman who declares she will be single for life say such a thing.