The frustration of not being able to start trying to conceive. | Bipolar Disorder

I am taking medication that is contraindicated for pregnant women. Therefore, I cannot start trying to conceive yet. Since I began hoping for a pregnancy, I have made many preparations. I have had bridal checkups, tests for thyroid abnormalities, and have been tapering off my medication. There is so much to do to give birth to a healthy child with this body, and I feel frustrated that I cannot start trying to conceive right away. I am in the process of reducing the contraindicated medication, but time is passing as I do so. The road to reaching the starting line of trying to conceive is long. Perhaps today is just a sensitive day for me; I felt so sad that I burst into tears.

In the midst of this, I watched a video of Tsuji-chan giving birth. It showed such a moving scene, and it made me want to have that experience too. I want to experience for myself how harsh, how difficult, and how happy it is. Thinking that such a future might be waiting for me made me feel incredibly happy. There is a part of me that is afraid of what might happen if I struggle to conceive, but that is not something I need to worry about now, as I haven't even started trying yet.

I have heard people say that giving birth is just the beginning. I truly believe that is the case. Especially since I will be raising a child while dealing with bipolar disorder. It will likely be unimaginably difficult. But I am thinking about it in an irresponsible way. Since I have made it this far with so much help from my family, I believe that if we continue to work together as a family, we will find a way to make it work. Everyone who is going through hard times is also doing their best to live. It might be selfish of me, but I believe I can do it too. Having family and doctors who respect this determination is a great source of support for me.