A Journey Questioning the Essence of Life Deepened by Note

Previously, Miiko-san gave me a homework assignment to write a book review, and after writing my own thoughts, I felt I had reached a stopping point.

My conclusion at that time was as follows.

However, after reading Raramii-tan's book review on Miiko-san's topic, something in my heart was switched on, and after reading other people's book reviews, the desire to share my thoughts welled up once again.

What is the essence of life?
This is an article sharing the thoughts that have been flowing through my mind. (2887 characters)

People are fighting against illusions of others

Perhaps because I haven't been feeling well this week, my heart and mind's sensors haven't been very sharp.
It was at such a time that I read this article by Raramii-tan, and suddenly, a switch was flipped!

The idea that trying to become someone by comparing yourself to others is because you are "afraid to face yourself"
was a real eye-opener for me.

Thinking about it now,
when I had my heart broken in the past or failed my university entrance exams,
I was "fighting against the others within myself."

However, at first, it is hard to realize that you are facing yourself.

When you fail (like a breakup or failing a university entrance exam)

Why isn't it working out!?
At the stage where you feel frustration,
your consciousness is openly directed toward others, blaming "so-and-so."

And eventually, you settle on the fact that it is no one's fault, and the cause lies within "yourself."

However, what is common there is
"I was dumped because I have a bad face or personality"
"It's impossible even if I try because I'm not smart"
which was self-denial.

Actually, this is exactly the state of
"fighting against the existence of others within yourself."
I was stuck in the "swamp of comparison with others"

where I thought, "Compared to so-and-so, I lack such-and-such."

I was trying to become an illusory someone, leaving my one-and-only self somewhere else.

I had not realized this.

It can also be described as the state of 'trying to be a melon when you are a tomato,' which Raramii-tan-san quoted in her article from Mr. Mitsuo Aida's story about tomatoes.

Accepting things as they are and living is life itself.

While accumulating various experiences, I began to vaguely notice that I had thoughts like, 'What am I living for?'

At that time, I felt a sense of purpose in 'achieving something!' and I spent my 40s rushing forward, finding fulfillment in working hard for that goal.

However, I hit an ultimate wall where, even by utilizing all my past experiences, things just wouldn't go well.

I experienced days that felt like chewing sand as a person involved in what is known as a 'troubled school.'

At that time, I would curse my fate or criticize those around me, thinking, 'Why does this only happen to me?'

As expected, my consciousness was directed outward.

And I was also tormented by feelings of helplessness, thinking, 'Was my way of doing things wrong? Do I lack ability?'

However, in reality, I was 'fighting the existence of others within myself.' It can be said that I wasn't truly facing myself, but merely labeling myself as 'no good' by comparing myself to an 'illusory other.'

I spent several years feeling hazy and unsettled.

What I would like to tell my past self is this quote from this article by Kiyoko-san.

Reading this article and looking back at my former self, I think there is neither good nor bad in that experience where I struggled and suffered. I lived desperately through it. That was the best I could do at the time.

That is how I feel.

I was living as myself.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Life already exists | Meaning is added later

While reading through comments related to Miiko-san, I was led to another article with a phrase that 'pierced' my heart.

It is an article by Yu-yu-san.

It is not that judgment of good or bad comes first, but rather that we are already living life to begin with.

This is obvious, isn't it?
However, when drowning in the 'swamp of comparison with others' or the 'swamp of self-discovery,' it is easy to forget this major premise.

This says it all!
Exactly that! It is exactly what I want to say!

Whether we can assign meaning to life or not, we are always continuing to live life itself.
Whether we can assign meaning well or not, whether we are convinced or not, when we end that life, perhaps a meaning of life that is truly our own has been properly assigned.

Conclusion

When I reread my own article, I realize that in the end, I am saying the same thing as last time.

After all, just living life is a total win.

To conclude today's post, I would like to share a quote from Sartre, famous for existentialism, which Yuyu-san introduced at the end.

☘️Thank you for reading until the end.
☘️I am grateful for this wonderful connection.
☘️It would be a great encouragement if you could "like," "comment," or "follow." I will continue to strive to deliver articles that make you think, "I'm glad I read this!" Thank you for your continued support.

※Please allow me to promote my own book for the first time in a while.

The major wall I wrote about in this article. The very event that I thought was a "disaster befalling me" was actually a "valuable lesson for facing myself sincerely." I dramatized this lesson and compiled it into a story. How can one overcome a wall that seemed impossible to break through? I am proud to say that this story is packed with hints for overcoming your own walls through introspection!