What I felt when I drew the character 'Ki' (氣)

An encounter with a character that left me feeling uneasy

The day I gathered in person with friends from an online community.
A friend who is good at calligraphy had prepared sweets accompanied by works where they had written one character each for every person present.
They had prepared enough for everyone.
It was a truly stylish touch, where we put them in bags and took turns drawing them.

We all showed them to each other at once.
Everyone drew powerful words like 'Love' or 'Bond',
and each person was happy, applying the meaning to themselves by saying, 'This is perfect for me right now.'

The one I drew was '氣' (Ki).

Honestly, my intuition made me feel things like 'stiff,' 'lonely,' or 'fighting spirit.' It wasn't a very good impression.
While everyone else was happy, I felt a secret sense of unease all by myself.

Thinking about it now, I believe that at the time, I wasn't receiving it as the old character '氣',
but simply as the modern character '気'.
Without knowing the meaning of the character, I was interpreting it only through the image I had in my own mind.

Re-learning the meaning of '氣'

One day, some time after I had been carrying that unease around,
I talked about it to someone from another community the other day.
Then, they taught me something like this.

'The character '氣' also carries the image of 'giving' in all directions.'
They also said it's good to look up the meaning of characters.

I see.
There were other good meanings, yet I had chosen a negative image.

So, I looked at it again.
'気' and '氣' are actually different characters.

'気' is the new character form simplified after the war.
On the other hand, '氣' is the original old character form, and it contains the character for 'rice' (米) inside.
Rice has a shape that spreads in all directions, and it is a source of life and energy.
They say that the reason '氣' is used in martial arts, qigong, and Eastern medicine is because it holds the meaning of expansion and circulation.

The reason I reacted to the word 'giving'

I particularly reacted to the word 'giving'
from the person who taught me the meaning.

Right now, as I aim for commercial publication, what I want to convey is gradually becoming clear. It is something I want to give shape to while posting on note and X.
The theme is 'rumination' (hansu).
I want to spread that word, which tends to have a negative image,
into a positive meaning.

When I thought about it that way, the character '氣' suddenly started to look different.

I am a person who becomes an energy source myself and spreads the true power of rumination in all directions.

It's not bad at all. In fact, isn't it perfect?

Don't let it end with unease

If you feel uneasy, don't end it there.
Stop for a moment and try looking at it from a different angle.
Try looking up the meaning, try talking to someone, or try facing it again after some time has passed.

I call the process of taking that state where hazy thoughts are swirling in your head and
externalizing them through language to deepen your understanding
'conscious rumination' on my own.

A single sheet of paper with the character 'Qi' on it taught me that all over again.

Even a negative perspective can turn into energy that moves you forward when you face it again.

I believe that is the power of what I call 'conscious rumination'.