My 3rd-grade son playing hooky. A story about a father who allows it.
8:00 AM.
"I want to stay home from school..."
Even though he didn't have a fever, my 3rd-grade son said that quietly.
If your child said the same thing, what would you do?
Today, I'd like to share a story about us, father and son.
To him, it was a major crisis.
I had noticed he seemed a bit down.
When I asked him why, he said he had put the "Kaiketsu Zorori" book he borrowed from the school library in his locker, but it had disappeared.
It seemed that was bothering him so much that he couldn't bring himself to go to school.
Even though I comforted him by saying, "It's okay, it's okay," he started to sob.
It seemed like a massive disasterwas happening in his world.
At this point, I decided to tell him about a mistake I had made.
"Losing it isn't good, but I was even worse."
"Huh, why...?"
"You know how I lost my wallet the other day? It had money in it, but what was even worse was losing my driver's license and bank cards. Without those, I can't drive my car or withdraw money from the bank."
"…Yeah."
"Even so, I took care of it by canceling the cards, so it's okay. But I'm still a little worried that someone might use them for something bad."
After hearing about my mistake, my son looked up just a little bit.
But it seems that being comforted only makes the tears come out more.
I know that feeling well, too.
The day we decided to play hooky.
As the time to go to school drew closer and closer, my son couldn't stop his tears, even while keeping an eye on the clock.
He wiped his tears with a tissue, put on his backpack, and tried his best to go, but...
...On a day like this, I want to stay home.
At those words, I hesitated for a moment, too.
I wondered, "Is it okay to let him stay home?"
But then I remembered the words I had told my son before.
"If you're ever in real trouble, it's okay to take a day off from school."
Maybe today is one of those "real trouble" moments.
Thinking that, we decided to play hooky.
For my third-grade son, it was his first time playing hooky.
Then, my son said something unexpected.
"Since I played hooky, I won't play video games today."
"I'll do today's schoolwork. First period is math, so I'll do some calculations."
I couldn't help but laugh at his seriousness.
"You can do math at school. Since we have this chance, why don't we do something different for first period?"
What to do the next time your heart gets hurt in the same way.
Together, we decided to start a "lesson of the heart."
Dad-teacher's impromptu "ethics" lesson
Me: "Well then, let's think about how to deal with it when your heart is hurt."
My son started thinking really hard.
Cry your heart out (apparently he can cry "waaaah")
Don't force yourself to talk
Calm down as much as possible
Wipe away your tears
Drink some tea
Take a deep breath
Tell your friend the reason (after you've stopped crying)
After we made the list, I asked him.
Me: "So, will you tell Dad the reason?"
From here, the real conversation began.
Listening to my son, I learned that the book went missing at the end of June.
I also found out that he hadn't told his homeroom teacher yet.
Me: "Why did it hurt your heart?"
Son: "Because I can't return the book... I feel bad for the library teacher."
—Since it's long, I'll skip the middle—
I mostly play the listener, at a ratio of about 8 to 2.
Then, after listening to what he has to say, I ask questions.
-------------------
Me: "I see. Why couldn't you tell your homeroom teacher?"
Son: "...Because there was never a time to say it."
The real anxiety seemed to be less about losing the book itself, and more aboutthe limbo of "not being able to tell the teacher".
The "Things to do tomorrow" list that came into view
Now that the core of the problem was visible, we decided to make a plan for "what to do tomorrow."
Son: "First, I'll check my locker and desk again. If it's not there, I'll tell the teacher, 'This and that happened, and the librarian told me this. So, could you please ask everyone to check if it accidentally ended up in their lockers?'"
Me: "That's great! Now, write that plan down on paper. Once you've written it, you can take a break. That concludes our first-period class."
Then, my son said with a beaming smile:
"Okay! Ding-dong-ding-dong, ding-dong-ding-dong!"
He was imitating the usual school chime.
Hearing that voice, I felt relieved too.
It seemed his feelings had completely settled down.
What I learned anew through this experience.
The way to deal with a child when they are truly in trouble is very simple.
1. Listen carefully to what they have to say.
2. Help organize their thoughts.
3. Think together so they can see a path forward.
It's not just about comforting them, nor is it about forcing them to go.
It's about accepting the child's feelings and thinking together.
That time might be what lightens a child's heart and gives them the strength to move forward.
Parenting is trial and error every single day.
But it was a day where I felt that the time spent facing my child like this is truly a treasure.
Thank you for reading until the end.
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