[Murmurs] Deliriously wanting to be cute

I started supporting my favorite idol last autumn, and I've been meeting them in person more often. Around the time an event for them was coming up, I don't know what came over me, but I started doing various things in December 2023, thinking that if I could just become a little cuter...

……I was delirious.

At that time, I had written a list in my memo: "eyelash perm," "nails," and "haircut." I had already planned the "haircut," so that was taken care of, but I felt like I'd hate it if it grew out, so I begged them to cut just my bangs twice during the super busy time of the year-end and New Year holidays.

As for the eyelash perm, I had long struggled with not being able to use an eyelash curler well, so I booked an appointment feeling like it might be worth a try.

I had homecoming visits and work during the year-end and New Year holidays (my company was open until December 28th), so I managed to adjust and schedule everything. The time limit was the morning of the idol event—after some trial and error to see if it would work, I managed to get it all done.

On the day of the event, I tried a hairstyle I rarely do. I thought about doing a half-up style, but since my gray hair from aging is starting to show, I gave up on the hassle of dyeing it and decided not to tie it up at all.
"You have some flyaways, so it's good to use a treatment the day before," my hairstylist said during the year-end holidays, so I bought a treatment at a nearby drugstore. I've kept it up because it makes me feel refreshed when I do it once a week, and of course, I did it the night before the event too.
Since I planned to go to the event without tying my hair, I decided to wear a hat I bought at earth a long time ago. It had been a really long time since I dressed like this.

This sudden desire to "want to be cute" continued even after the event ended. By society's standards, I'm a "middle-aged woman of a certain age" and a "single woman who has never had a romantic peak in her life (an old maid, in old-fashioned terms)," but since I was born a girl, isn't it okay to think "I want to be cute"? I think... well, that was also the time I was able to meet my favorite idol, but I thought, "It's okay to be a little cute, isn't it?"

My past self couldn't spend money on that sort of thing. I had strong memories of being cursed by my mother, who completely denied anything related to makeup. The words "don't touch your parents' things," which everyone is told in childhood, became a shackle. Even when I wore makeup, I was told it "didn't suit me." Maybe that's why I went through my university years almost completely without makeup.

After turning 40 and leaving my parents' home, I started to find makeup fun. Through my interactions with my current hairstylist, I've been able to talk about makeup and have started to cherish myself. Cosmetics have been increasing around me.

No matter how old you get, wanting to be "cute" might just be natural. Perhaps I've been able to think this way because I've started to cherish myself.