How to Cultivate 'Resilience' to Build an Unbreakable Mind
Hello. I am Shingo, a psychologist at the Shin-Shin Psychology Institute.
Our minds are exposed to various stresses in our daily lives. Work, relationships, family, social media, anxiety about the future, and events that do not go as planned.
As these pile up, the mind gradually becomes exhausted, and before we know it, we may feel like, 'This might be impossible.'
However, there are people who possess the strength to bounce back flexibly no matter what difficulties they encounter. What makes that difference is resilience (mental recovery power).
The important thing is that resilience is not a 'special talent,' but rather a 'mental muscle' that anyone can train. In this article, based on my experience as a certified public psychologist, I will carefully and clearly explain concrete methods for cultivating an 'unbreakable mind.'
1. What is resilience? ~The true nature of an unbreakable mind~
In the field of psychology, resilience is defined as 'the ability to bounce back when facing difficulties'. The key points are the following two:
Resilience does not mean never feeling down
Resilience is being able to 'return to normal or bounce back' even after feeling down
Everyone feels down sometimes. We get anxious and sometimes feel weak. That is natural. In fact, feeling down is a 'normal reaction.' The problem is becoming unable to move from there.
Resilience is not a magic spell to make mental distress zero, but rather the power to create the process of bouncing back yourself after falling.
Furthermore, resilience is born from a combination of the following three mental movements.
The ability to perceive reality correctly (cognition)
The ability to accept and regulate emotions (emotion)
The ability to take necessary actions (action)
In other words, the comprehensive power of 'how you perceive things, how you feel, and how you act' creates an unbreakable mind.
2. Three common characteristics of people with high resilience
Knowing these characteristics in advance is very helpful for increasing your resilience.
1. The ability to see reality 'correctly'
People with high resilience do not take extreme perspectives.
Not 'It's all over,' but 'I've gotten into a bit of a difficult situation'
Not 'It's all my fault,' but 'Part of it was my failure, but not all of it'
It is precisely because of this 'appropriate evaluation' that you can avoid being swallowed by unnecessary anxiety.
2. Having an 'inner ally' to support you
People with high resilience have a 'supporter' within themselves.
'It's okay, it will work out somehow'
'I'm doing enough today'
'I can just try again'
Such self-dialogue is also an important element that supports self-esteem.
3. Being able to borrow 'outside help' when in trouble
People who do not break are by no means 'strong' people. Rather, they are people who can skillfully ask for help.
Having someone listen to you, consulting with others, and thinking things through together. These kinds of 'connections' make resilience many times stronger.
3. Five habits for cultivating resilience starting today
Here, I will introduce methods that are easy for anyone to start immediately and easy to continue. The important thing is to 'start small.' Small accumulations will reliably cultivate your heart's recovery power.
1. Write down three 'things you accomplished' at the end of the day
This is the simplest and most effective habit to boost resilience and self-esteem.
Points
Anything, no matter how small, is okay (greeted someone, replied to an email, took a rest...)
Pick out 'things you did' rather than 'things you couldn't do'
Three things every day. If you continue for a week, your heart's 'basic stamina' will change
When self-esteem grows, you will be able to think 'it will surely be okay' when you encounter difficulties, and your recovery will be faster.
2. 'Poke fun' at negative thinking (cognitive correction)
It is often our 'assumptions' rather than the actual events themselves that break our spirit.
Example:
'I made a mistake... everything is ruined now.'
→ Challenge: 'Everything? What percentage is actually ruined?'
→ 'What is the evidence?'
→ 'Is it over for everyone who makes the same mistake?'
This kind of 'cognitive check' is a fundamental and powerful method in cognitive behavioral therapy and is essential for developing resilience.
3. Practice 'asking for help' in small ways
Resilience is not about 'the strength to struggle alone.'
Get help for just 5 minutes
Ask for advice
Talk briefly about your feelings
Accumulating these 'small helps' fosters the sense of security that 'it is okay to rely on others,' which ultimately increases your mental resilience.
4. Take care of your body (sleep, diet, breathing)
Resilience may seem like just a mental issue, but in reality, the body has a significant impact.
Poor sleep quality makes it easier for anxiety to increase
Nutritional deficiency is directly linked to feeling down
Shallow breathing prevents you from relaxing
Taking care of your body is the 'foundation' for taking care of your mind. It can be said that this is the most important first step to take.
5. Decide on your own 'recovery routine'
People with high resilience always know 'how to get back to themselves.'
Example:
Warm up slowly in the bath
Go for a walk and breathe in the fresh air
Smell your favorite scent
Take some time for yourself at a cafe
By having one pattern that you know will help you recover, you will be able to see an 'exit' from feeling down.
4. Four-Step 'First Aid' for When You Feel Like You're About to Break
When you experience a major shock or intense stress, the following steps can be helpful.
1. First, 'Stop'
It is important not to force yourself to move when you are feeling cornered. It is okay to pause both your decisions and your actions.
2. Calm Your Body
By relaxing your body through deep breathing, drinking warm water, stretching, or abdominal breathing, your emotions will also settle down.
3. Name Your Emotions
By naming your emotions as 'anxiety,' 'anger,' 'fear,' or 'sadness'
and identifying them, your brain's excitement will begin to subside. This is called 'labeling', and its effectiveness has been proven in psychology.
4. Talk Briefly to Someone (If Necessary)
Talking about your feelings to someone you trust for even just one or two minutes can help release those emotions and make you feel lighter.
'I'm having a tough time right now,' or 'It would help if you could listen to me'
Even just saying this much is enough. You don't need to explain everything. The act of talking itself supports your emotional recovery.
5. 'Long-Term Cultivation' to Further Strengthen Resilience
From here, I will introduce methods to increase your resilience over a longer span of time. The more you continue these, the more your mental flexibility will strengthen from the core.
1. Clarify Your Values (The Way of Life You Want to Cherish)
The more people clarify the values they want to cherish, the stronger their ability to face difficulties becomes.
Example:
"I want to work with integrity"
"I want to cherish my family"
"I want to protect my own heart"
"I want to live a life of challenge"
Values are the 'mental compass' of your life. When you have an axis to return to when you are lost, you become harder to break.
2. Accumulate small challenges
Resilience is strengthened by 'successful experiences.' They don't have to be big challenges.
Entering a shop for the first time
Trying a new route to walk
Working on a task for just 10 minutes
The feeling of 'I did it' becomes the energy to face future difficulties.
3. Make 'kindness' to yourself a habit (Self-Compassion)
A great companion to resilience is self-compassion (being kind to yourself).
The three key points are:
Speak kindly to yourself
Understand that your failures are 'a natural part of being human'
Bring your awareness back to the present moment (mindfulness)
Instead of blaming yourself, a stance of gently supporting yourself strengthens your heart.
6. Three habits that weaken resilience
To cultivate a strong mind, it is also important to let go of 'habits that weaken the mind' at the same time.
1. Perfectionism
The mindset that 'if it's not 100 points, it's meaningless' will keep pushing you into a corner.
→ Practice acknowledging the 60 points you achieved today.
2. Self-blame
The habit of immediately thinking 'It's my fault' or 'I caused trouble' drains your mental energy.
→ It is important to separate and organize facts from emotions.
3. Excessive endurance
If you keep pushing yourself beyond your limits, your resilience will definitely weaken.
→ Shift to a habit of resting early and asking for help early.
Summary
Resilience is neither a talent nor a personality trait. It grows and strengthens through small daily habits.
Acknowledge what you 'could do,' no matter how small
Challenge your negative thoughts
Ask for help
Take care of your body
Have your own recovery routine
And when you encounter difficulties, stop, take care of your body, and name your emotions. Just by doing that, your mind will become surprisingly easier to recover.
You already possess the 'power to cultivate resilience.' All that's left is to take a small step starting today. It's okay to go slowly. Let's cultivate an unbreakable mind at your own pace.
Shinshin Psychology Research Institute also provides support to enhance your resilience.
