How to support yourself when you feel strong loneliness

Hello. I am Shingo, a psychologist at the Shin-Shin Psychology Research Institute.

I feel like I am all alone.

Even when surrounded by people or connected on social media, you may feel a strong sense of loneliness in a fleeting moment.

It might happen on the way home after meeting someone, or when you return to your room alone. Or perhaps, when you see others having fun, you might be struck by the feeling that you are the only one left behind.

And that sense of loneliness can sometimes slowly exhaust your heart and even make you doubt your own worth.

Am I not needed?
Will I be alone forever like this?

Such thoughts may arise, making your heart feel even heavier.

But there is something I want to tell you first.

That is,

feeling lonely is by no means strangethat is what it is.

In fact, it is proof that your heart is functioning properly.

In this article, I will share ways to gently support yourself when you feel strong loneliness.

1. Loneliness is not a weakness, but sensitivity

People who are prone to feeling lonely are actually very sensitive individuals.

Because you can sensitively perceive the distance between people, the temperature difference in relationships, and the nuances of words, you are also more likely to notice a sense of not being connected.

Because you have the ability to read the atmosphere around you, people's expressions, and the meaning behind their words, you are more likely to notice discrepancies and discomfort.

In other words, feeling lonely is not your weakness, but

an important sign from your heart that you want to connect deeply with othersis.

Just by having this perspective, the way you see loneliness will change a little.

Instead of thinking, I am lonely because I am weak, try reframing it as, I feel lonely because I want to properly engage with people.

2. Let go of the assumption that "loneliness is bad"

We tend to unconsciously hold onto the beliefs that:

"Being lonely is a bad thing"
"You have no value if you aren't connected to others"

We tend to carry such assumptions.

Especially in modern times, we live in a society where it seems normal to be constantly connected to someone.

If you open social media, it is overflowing with someone's fun posts and connections with people.

That is precisely why the feeling that "loneliness equals being left behind" is easy to intensify.

However, loneliness does not just have negative aspects; it also has sides such as:

・Becoming a time to face yourself
・Being able to reset your mind
・Being able to realize what relationships are truly important
・Being able to regain your own values

It also has these aspects.

Instead of trying to completely eliminate loneliness,

accepting that "I am feeling a little lonely right now"

Even just doing that will ease the tension in your heart.

It is okay if you don't try to force yourself to be positive.

Simply noticing and acknowledging it is the first step toward recovery.

3. Consciously create small "connections"

When you feel strong loneliness, it becomes easy to feel like you are "not connected to anyone."

But in reality, we are connected to others in various ways.

・Interactions at a convenience store
・Likes on social media
・Videos from your favorite streamers
・Words from the authors of books
・A word with a cafe staff member

These are all also forms of "connection".

The important thing is to

not seek too much from big connections

.

When your heart is feeling weak, you may end up seeking "deep relationships" or "perfect understanding" too much, which can actually make you feel more distressed.

If you feel that "it's meaningless unless there is someone who truly understands me," the hurdle for connection becomes too high.

First, try focusing on small points of contact.

Even just doing that will gradually ease your sense of loneliness.

4. Adjusting your "relationship with yourself"

When loneliness is strong, many people seek connections on the outside.

Of course that is important, but at the same time, what is often overlooked is

your relationship with yourself.

・Are you being too hard on yourself?
・Are you only looking at what you haven't achieved?
・Are you ignoring the voice of your heart?

When you feel lonely, you are also more likely to be cold toward yourself.

If you think "I'm no good anyway," your connection with yourself will also fade.

At times like that,

Say things to yourself like, "You're doing well today" or "That was tough, wasn't it."

Please try speaking to yourself.

Beyond words from others,

words from yourself to yourself can also be a great source of support for your heart.

This is by no means self-indulgence, but a very important form of self-care for emotional recovery.

5. Prioritize your "state" over taking action

When you feel lonely, you might feel anxious and think, "I have to do something."

・I have to contact someone
・I have to go out
・I have to try hard to be cheerful

However, forcing yourself to do more can sometimes make you feel even more tired.

In such moments, please try prioritizing the adjustment of your "state" first.

・Drink a warm beverage
・Take slow, deep breaths
・Listen to your favorite music
・Dim the lights in your room a little
・Take a little distance from your smartphone

These small acts of care will help you gradually regain a sense of inner peace.

People naturally regain the ability to connect with others when they are in a "state of feeling secure."

Please try to value setting the foundation of your heart first.

6. It is okay to include "relying on someone" as an option

While it is important to support yourself,

there is no need to keep carrying everything alone.

・A trusted friend
・Family
・A counselor

Just talking to someone a little can significantly change how you feel about your loneliness.

You might think, "Is it okay to rely on someone for something like this?" but,

the loneliness you are feeling is something that deserves to be treated with care.

Also, when it is difficult to talk, just writing your thoughts down can help clear your mind.

By putting your feelings into words, you may be able to see them more objectively.

Summary

When loneliness is strong, we tend to feel anxious and think we "must do something about it."

But what you really need is,

・Not denying your loneliness
・Noticing small connections
・Being kind to yourself
・Creating a state where you feel secure

It is these small steps that add up.

Loneliness is also proof that you value your connections with others.

That is why, instead of trying to force that feeling away,

supporting yourself while gently acknowledging it

will lead to your future emotional stability.

If you are feeling even a little lonely right now, it means you are someone who truly wants to connect with others.

That feeling is never wrong.

And at the same time,

you are allowed to be on your own side, too.

Taking it slow is fine.

Let's take care of your heart, little by little, at your own pace.
Shinshin Psychology Institute provides counseling that stays close to your heart.