[Short Romance Novel] A Closed Heart, A Door to the Future - Full Version

Prologue: Aoi Minase

That day ten years ago, I didn't notice anything.

What Shiori was carrying. How much she was suffering. How much her heart was screaming behind the smile she showed me.

We were childhood friends. We lived next door to each other and had been together since I could remember. Same elementary school, same middle school, same high school. It was natural for Shiori to always be by my side, and I thought it would last forever.

The summer of our second year of high school. We started dating. I was the one who confessed. In the classroom at dusk, when we were alone, I told her, 'I've always loved you.' Shiori looked a little surprised, and then she smiled.

'Me too. I've always loved you, Aoi.'

Her voice was gentle and warm. I thought I was the happiest person in the world.

Six months passed. I didn't notice that Shiori's smile was gradually changing. Or perhaps, I didn't want to notice.

'Are you okay?'

I asked her several times. Shiori always answered the same way.

'Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just a little tired.'

I easily believed those words. I thought she was just busy with entrance exam studies, so I didn't press her further.

A cold morning in February. Shiori didn't come to school. I heard she had a cold, so I planned to visit her after school. But during lunch break, I was called out. In the staff room, my homeroom teacher had a pale face.

'Minase, there is something I have to tell you.'

In that moment, the world stopped.

Shiori was gone.

She had taken her own life. There was nothing written in her suicide note. Only a letter addressed to me was left behind.

'To Aoi. I'm sorry. It's not your fault at all. I was just weak. Please be happy.'

Not my fault? Don't joke with me.

If only I had noticed. If only I had looked at Shiori more. If only I had really listened to her.

Shiori might not have had to die.

Ten years have passed since then. I became a teacher. I always keep a sharp eye out so that I can notice even the smallest changes in my students. But I never try to get deeply involved with anyone.

Because I am afraid of hurting someone again.

Because I am afraid of overlooking someone's suffering again.

I have lived believing that when I love, I bring misfortune to the other person.

That was, until that day—

Chapter 1: The Encounter

I met her at a bookstore in front of the station.

It was raining that day. I rushed into the bookstore just before closing time. I didn't have an umbrella and was soaking wet.

"Excuse me, are you still open?"

I asked, out of breath. The female clerk at the counter answered with a bright smile.

"Yes, we're fine for another fifteen minutes."

Relieved, I entered the store. I headed to the literature section to look for a book to use in class. Natsume Soseki's 'Kokoro'. I decided to use this one and picked it up.

When I brought it to the register, the clerk from before greeted me with a smile.

"That's a good choice. It's a work where you find new discoveries no matter how many times you read it."

She was the first bookstore clerk I'd ever met who said something like that.

"I suppose so. It's been since I was a student that I last read it."

"Do you use it for work?"

"Yes, well. As teaching material."

"Are you a Japanese literature teacher?"

Yes. I teach at a high school.

We chatted a little while I was paying. Her voice was bright, and her expression was lively when she talked about books.

Thank you very much. That was a big help.

I took the book and left the store. As I walked through the rain, for some reason, she stayed on my mind.

No, don't think about it. It was just a conversation between a clerk and a customer.

It doesn't mean anything more than that. I told myself that.

Two weeks later, I stopped by the same bookstore again. It's not that I wanted to see that clerk. It's just the biggest bookstore in front of the station, so my feet naturally headed there.

When I entered the store, she was there. She was organizing books at the counter.

Our eyes met.

Oh, hello. You came back again.

She remembered me. I was a little surprised, but I pretended to be calm and nodded.

Yes. I'm looking for a reference book.

If there's anything I can help you with, please let me know.

Her smile was dazzling.

I headed to the educational books section, but for some reason, the content of the books wouldn't sink in. My consciousness kept drifting toward the counter.

This is no good. I shouldn't be doing this.

I picked up a book at random and headed to the register.

Thank you. Oh, this book has a good reputation, you know.

She said, looking at the book.

Is that so?

Yes. They say it's written very clearly about modern educational issues.

The conversation continued. I gave vague nods while trying to finish the checkout as quickly as possible.

Um...

She said, looking a little hesitant.

If you don't mind, please tell me more about your book recommendations sometime. I love books, and I enjoy hearing different people's opinions.

I should refuse. I should cut off the relationship here.

But my mouth moved on its own.

...Yes, if there's an opportunity.

Her face lit up instantly.

Thank you! I'm looking forward to it.

I left the store and let out a deep sigh.

What am I doing?

Chapter 2: Distance

Since then, I started going to the bookstore about once a week.

I didn't even know why I was doing it myself. I should only go when I need to buy a book, but before I knew it, my feet were heading there.

Her name, I learned for the first time by looking at her name tag, was Hina Tachibana.

Little by little, our conversations increased. Talk about books. Talk about work. Talk about the weather.

Hina was always cheerful. Positive and kind. She was the exact opposite of me.

One day, I was asked.

Mr. Minase, what kind of books do you like?

I thought for a moment before answering.

"I used to read a lot of things. But lately... not so much."

"Why is that?"

"...Because I'm busy, I suppose."

It was a lie. The real reason was something else.

Ever since Shiori died, reading books had become painful. Especially romance novels. Because they reminded me of the happiness we had back then.

"Reading books cheers me up."

Hina said.

"No matter how hard things get, there's always someone in a book working hard. When I see that, it makes me feel like I can do my best too."

I looked at her in silence.

So that's another way of looking at it.

"...I suppose you're right. Books do have that kind of power."

At that moment, I felt my expression soften a little.

"Minase-san."

"Yes?"

"If you'd like, would you like to have tea sometime? I'd love to hear more about books."

My heart skipped a beat.

Refuse. Refuse right now.

But.

"...All right. But only for a little while."

Why did I agree to this?

Chapter 3: A Wavering Heart

On a weekend afternoon, I met Hina at a cafe in front of the station.

She came in casual clothes. A white blouse and a pale blue skirt. She had a soft atmosphere about her, different from how she looked at the bookstore.

Sorry to keep you waiting!

She ran up to me, slightly out of breath.

No, I just got here.

That was a lie. I had been here for thirty minutes. I was so nervous that I arrived too early.

We entered the cafe and sat at a window seat. We ordered coffee, and a silence hung between us for a while.

Um...

Hina opened her mouth.

Minase-san, aren't you popular with your students?

That's not true at all.

But you seem so serious and kind.

That's just on the surface.

I accidentally let my true feelings slip. Hina tilted her head in confusion.

On the surface?

...No, it's nothing.

I had to change the subject. I forced a smile.

Hina-san, since when have you liked books?

Hina's face brightened.

"Since I was a child! I loved the library and went there every week."

She began to talk happily. About her favorite authors. About books that moved her. About what she learned through books.

I just listened.

Her voice was warm. Her expression as she spoke was lively.

Ah, so this is it.

This is what it means to open your heart and talk to someone.

When was the last time I talked to Shiori like this?

I suddenly thought of that.

"Minase-san?"

"Oh, sorry. I'm listening."

"Are you okay? You look..."

"I'm fine."

I lied again.

Hina looked at me with a hint of concern.

"Minase-san, are you carrying something heavy on your mind?"

My heart skipped a beat at those words.

"...Why do you think that?"

"Just a feeling. You always look a little lonely somewhere."

She saw right through me.

But I couldn't tell her.

"It's just your imagination. I'm living my life normally."

"I see..."

Hina didn't seem convinced. But she didn't press the matter any further.

As she was leaving, she said,

"Let's talk again, okay?"

I nodded vaguely.

In truth, it would be better if we didn't meet again.

But there was a part of me that wanted to see her one more time.

Chapter 4: Closing Distance

The time I spent with Hina began to increase.

Conversations at the cafe. Browsing bookstores. Sometimes going to see a movie together, or taking walks in the park.

Before I knew it, I found myself looking forward to the time I spent with her.

That scared me.

After every enjoyable moment, a sense of guilt would inevitably wash over me.

Am I allowed to be doing this?

Am I, who couldn't protect Shiori, allowed to get close to someone else again?

One day, Hina brought me a new book by my favorite author.

"This is the new book by the author you said you liked before, Minase-san."

Had she really remembered such a small detail?

"Thank you."

When I received the book, her hand touched mine. It was warm.

I found myself staring at her.

Hina was looking at me, too.

I had to say something. But the words wouldn't come out.

"Minase-san, are you free this coming day off?"

"Huh?"

"Would you like to go bookstore hopping with me? It's fun to see all kinds of different bookstores."

I should refuse. I shouldn't get any more involved.

But.

"...All right."

I had agreed again.

On my day off, I went around to several bookstores with Hina.

She looked happy at every bookstore. Whenever she found a rare book, she would show it to me with a look of delight.

"Look at this! Isn't this binding lovely?"

"Yes, it's beautiful."

"The content looks interesting too... Oh, Minase-san, have you ever read this?"

I answered the questions Hina kept asking one after another.

For the first time in a long while, I talked with someone about books.

It was fun.

It was truly fun.

I hadn't felt a sensation like this since I broke up with Shiori.

In the evening, we took a break at a cafe.

"I had a good time today."

Hina said, looking satisfied.

"Me too."

It was the truth.

"Minase-san, you're smiling."

"Huh?"

"You have a really nice smile right now."

I hadn't realized it myself.

Was I smiling?

"Because it's fun when I'm with you, Hina-san."

The moment I answered that, Hina's face turned slightly red.

"I... I also have fun when I'm with you, Minase-san."

At those words, my chest felt warm.

At the same time, I also felt fear.

This warmth would eventually turn cold.

Because that was what I believed.

Chapter 5: The Shadow of the Past

As my relationship with Hina deepened, the conflict within me grew.

One night, I thought about it while drinking alone.

Hina is bright, positive, and kind. Being with her warms my heart. She makes me smile.

But that scares me.

I might overlook someone's suffering again.

I might hurt someone again.

My phone rang. It was a message from Hina.

"Thank you for today. It was fun. Let's go again."

I couldn't reply.

The next day, while I was teaching class, I suddenly became concerned about one of the female students.

Lately, her expression has been gloomy. She's been dazed during class, too.

It's the same as Shiori.

During the break, I called her over.

"How have you been lately? Did something happen?"

She looked up, looking surprised.

"Oh, um... I'm fine."

"Are you pushing yourself too hard?"

"..."

She fell silent. Then, she gave a small shake of her head.

"Teacher, actually..."

She was dealing with family issues. Her parents' divorce. Her mother's remarriage. Her relationship with her new family.

I just listened. And I gave her as much advice as I could. I also suggested connecting her with the school counselor.

She said, "Thank you," while crying.

I was able to save this student.

But I couldn't save Shiori.

What was the difference?

At night, I got a call from Hina.

"Minase-san, your replies have been slow lately. Are you busy?"

"Yeah, a little."

"I see..."

On the other end of the line, Hina sounded like she wanted to say something.

"Hina-san?"

"Um, Minase-san. Did I do something to upset you?"

"No, not at all."

"But I feel like I've been being avoided lately..."

She's sharp. Hina has noticed.

"I'm not avoiding you..."

"That's a lie, isn't it?"

Hina's voice was trembling slightly.

"Minase-san. I love you."

My heart felt like it was going to stop.

"So, please talk to me properly. If you don't like me, tell me clearly. But this ambiguous attitude... it's painful."

I couldn't say anything.

"I'm sorry."

I said just that, and hung up the phone.

I'm the worst.

Chapter 6: Confession

For a few days, I didn't contact Hina.

No, I couldn't.

I didn't know what to say.

Even at school, I couldn't concentrate on my classes. When students spoke to me, I would answer with my mind elsewhere.

A colleague asked me with concern, "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

I lied again.

A week later, I headed to the bookstore.

I had to talk to Hina properly.

If things stayed like this, I would just keep hurting her.

When I entered the bookstore, Hina was at the counter.

She stiffened for a moment when she saw me. But she immediately forced a smile.

"Welcome."

That smile was different from usual. It was a forced smile.

"Hina-san. I have something to talk to you about."

She opened her eyes wide, looking a little surprised.

"…Understood. After we close."

I waited until closing time. I took deep breaths over and over outside the shop.

Before long, Hina came out.

"Good work today."

"Good work to you too."

"Shall we go somewhere?"

We headed to a nearby park. The park at night was quiet, and only the streetlights illuminated the two of us.

We sat on a bench.

"I'm sorry about the other day."

I opened my mouth to speak.

"No, I'm sorry for saying that so suddenly."

"Hina-san. I… cannot return your feelings."

Hina was staring intently at me.

"Why is that?"

"I don't have the right to love anyone."

"That's not true…"

"It is!"

I couldn't help but raise my voice.

I took a deep breath and continued.

"A long time ago, I couldn't protect someone precious to me. She was suffering, but I didn't notice. As a result, she... she died."

Hina gasped.

"Ten years have passed since then. I've avoided getting deeply involved with anyone. Because I'm afraid of hurting someone again."

"Minase-san..."

"That's why, Hina-san. You shouldn't get involved with someone like me. You won't be happy if you're with me."

I let it all out.

Everything I hadn't been able to tell anyone for ten years.

Hina listened in silence.

For a while, there was silence.

"Minase-san."

Eventually, Hina opened her mouth.

"That wasn't your fault."

"It was my fault."

"No, it wasn't."

Hina took my hand.

"It's not easy to notice someone's suffering. No matter how close you are, there are things you can't see."

"But..."

"You truly regret it. You truly care about her. That alone is enough."

"That's not enough..."

"Then what about from now on? Are you going to live alone forever? Was that really what she wanted?"

I remained silent.

Shiori's final letter.

"Please be happy."

That is what she had written.

"I want to make you happy. I want you to smile. Is that not enough?"

Hina had tears in her eyes.

"...Are you sure you're okay with someone like me?"

"I am. I want it to be you."

Hina hugged me.

I was trembling.

"I'm scared. Scared of losing someone again."

"It's okay. I won't disappear so easily."

"...Really?"

"Really."

Hina's warmth enveloped me.

For the first time in ten years, I was held by someone.

For the first time in ten years, I felt at peace.

I wrapped my arms around Hina's back.

And then, I cried in silence.

To be continued in the next chapter

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