The me of today will not be here tomorrow.

I try writing sentences, leaving it to the desire to write.

I finish writing and read the content.

I delete the content, thinking it's not the writing I wanted to write.

My days are always like this; I make decisions, get lost, and return to the start.

I don't move forward at all.

My brain is always noisy.

*If you imagine the movie 'Inside Out 2', I think it's easy to understand what state I'm in.

I can't continue, I get bored immediately.

It's been 10 years since I started a side job.

Because of this brain, I have changed directions many times.

This is because my thinking changes as much as a different personality between 'the me of yesterday' and 'the me of today'.

Even the content that the me of yesterday decided 'let's go with this!' is denied by the me of today.

The me of yesterday must have gone to sleep convinced that 'I can continue with this,' but by the next morning, someone else appears.

'No, I feel like that's different.'
'Isn't there a better way?'
'In the first place, is that really what I want to do?'

Before I know it, yesterday's determination has vanished without a trace.

It's a troublesome thing.

Another me watching from the sky

My brain is noisy, but there is another troublesome guy.

It is Mr. Metacognition, looking down at me from above.
(It might be Ms. Metacognition)

The brain meeting settles down, and I finally start writing the text.

When I first start writing, it watches over me quietly, but

“You’re doing well today,”
“It looks like you’ll be able to finish it.”

It appears just when I start thinking things like that.

“So?”
“What are you actually trying to say?”
“Who is going to read this?”

It comes to sneer at me.

It is one of the reasons I cannot finish writing a piece.

Usually, I cannot endure this phase and end up fading away.

I really want to blow it away.

Even so, in order to write

I love to write.

I want to leave behind my realizations, lessons, and what I felt in this very moment today.

My brain might be thinking about something else entirely by tomorrow.
The me of tomorrow might deny what I wrote today.

And this noisy brain of mine probably won't be quiet tomorrow either.

Another version of me will come up with something new and deny the me of yesterday.

But that is okay, too.

Before it disappears, I think I will leave the “me of today” here.

See you later.