A Record of Becoming Beautiful, Little by Little — Putting Myself Back Together —

During my hospitalization,
there was a period when I wasn't allowed to brush my teeth.

My mouth felt gross.

But there was nothing I could do about it.

Furthermore,
due to polypharmacy,
my weight increased all at once.

Twenty kilograms.

When you put it into numbers, I think it's quite an impact.

That's not all.

After I started taking heavy medication,
my gray hair increased.

On my face,
blood vessels started to become visible.

Every time I looked in the mirror,
I would think, "Huh?"

Little by little,
I felt like I was no longer myself.

So I decided.

I would reclaim myself.

—

First, with my teeth.

I went to the dentist
and had them cleaned.

With a little anesthesia,
they scraped away the tartar.

The plaque that had built up deep in my gums
was being removed bit by bit.

Upper right, left.
Lower right, left.

Proceeding in order.

After it was over,
my mouth felt lighter.

Just from that,
I felt like I had returned to myself a little bit.

Next, the blood vessels on my face.

At the dermatologist,
I received a V-beam laser treatment.

Snap, snap,
there was a small sound.

I could smell my fine hairs burning,
and it felt a little like something was scorched.

On both sides of my face,
about thirty shots.

After it was over,
my face swelled up,
and my skin became hard.

Like a seared steak,
that might convey how it felt.

But,
it settles down in about twenty days.

After that,
UV protection is necessary.

So far,
I've had it done twice.

It's slow, but
I am definitely returning to normal.


The gray hair
suddenly appeared during my hospitalization.

Until then,
I had almost none.

Looking in the mirror,
I was confused for a moment.

I thought, "Things can change this suddenly."

Even after being discharged,
the gray hair kept growing.

Due to the medication,
perhaps my hormonal balance had changed.

The reason isn't clear.

But it had certainly changed.

I rushed to a hair salon.

I dyed my whole head
with a beige color.

I felt like I had gotten a little closer
to my original self.

But,
the gray hair would soon appear again.

Dye it,
it grows back,
and dye it again.

It was like
a cat-and-mouse game.

Even so,
I didn't think about quitting.

It doesn't have to be a complete return.

Tidying myself up, even a little,
was important for the current me.


Dieting,
I started in the same way.

The trigger was
the intense hunger caused by the medication.

Anyway,
I wanted to eat junk food.

Even if my head understood,
my body craved it.

So I,
instead of forcing myself to stop,
decided to substitute.

Replacing junk food
with fruit or yogurt.

That's all.

It doesn't have to be perfect.

Even if it's little by little,
I'll bring it back.

That was
my way of doing things now.

Besides, this isn't my first time dieting.

Every time I have a mystical experience, I get hospitalized,
gain weight from the medication, and get discharged.

And every time, I've gone on a diet.

This is the third time.


After the laser treatment,
I tried not to walk outside much
so that sunlight wouldn't hit my skin.

But,
that alone wasn't enough.

The blood vessels
didn't disappear as much as I had thought.

So I
decided to start exercising.

Next time, continuing with exercise