When you want to stop, but you can't

Do you ever feel like you are being too considerate and think,
“I wish I could be a little more relaxed”?
Even though you feel like you don't really need to be that considerate,

before you know it,
you are looking around at others again,
trying to set the mood in the same way.
Even though you realize you are a little tired,
you still

cannot stop.
You might sometimes
have that feeling.

Being considerate is,
for adults,

in a sense, something that is “expected.”
It is often useful for making things go smoothly,
avoiding unnecessary conflict,

and maintaining relationships.
That is precisely why
the choice to stop doing it
can sometimes feel a bit scary.

If you stop,
the atmosphere might turn sour.
Someone might get in a bad mood.

The relationship might fall apart.

By imagining a future that hasn't happened yet in that way,
you end up
being considerate in the same way again.

While doing so,
before you know it,

other people's moods and the atmosphere of the room
might become the “standard”

that determines your own actions.
Even though you are supposed to be choosing for yourself,

somewhere along the line,
it feels like you are being made to choose.
If that state continues,

it gradually becomes
harder to understand “what you want to do.”

Even so,
the reason you keep being considerate

might be because you think somewhere that it is “necessary.”
In fact,
being considerate
can make things go well,

and it can soften the other person's reaction.
That is why
you cannot find a reason to stop.
But,

if you change your perspective
just a little here,
another side becomes visible.
That is the possibility that “consideration”

is creating an “expectation” for the other person.
For example,

if there is someone who is always considerate,

you naturally
come to expect similar behavior from that person.
That is not done with malice,

it might even be a natural flow.
However,

that expectation is passed on to the next version of you.
Today's consideration

becomes tomorrow's premise.
When you think of it that way,
the meaning that the consideration you are showing now

has for your future self
might look a little different.

Here,

there is one more thing
that concerns me.

That is, isn't there a slightly different quality to consideration?
That is the question.

One is
consideration to make something go well.

It is a move with a “purpose” in a sense,
whether it is to set the mood or to maintain a relationship.
The other is

something that comes out naturally
from a place slightly different from such purposes.
It is a relaxed movement

that you find yourself doing without trying to force it.
It is not a matter of which is good or bad,
but whether or not you notice that difference

might change how you feel about it a little.
If,

the former type of consideration is all that continues,
it will pile up somewhere
as something you “have to do.”

And the weight of it
will increase accordingly.
Conversely,

the latter type of movement
might be closer to the feeling of just blending into the situation
rather than carrying something on your back.

That is why,
when you want to stop but cannot,

rather than trying to force yourself to stop,

try looking at it a little by asking,

“Which one is this right now?”
It is okay if you don't know clearly,
and it is okay if you don't notice it in the moment.
Just by having that perspective,

even if you intend to act the same way as before,
a small difference

can sometimes be born somewhere.

Not stopping,
not continuing,

in between those,

a little bit of room to choose returns.

Perhaps,
if the things you couldn't stop

are changing little by little,
it might be from that kind of place.

If you are feeling

even a little bit right now
that you “want to stop but can't,”

if you look a little more closely at the feeling
that exists “before” that consideration begins,

a different way of choosing
might come into view.