I'm still a mother (*'▽')ノ Introduced in an article by ⭐akkiy☆💖
I currently have a son in his first year of correspondence high school and a daughter in her first year of junior high school.
I started note when my son was in his first year of junior high,
at a time when I was feeling down about how bad I was at parenting💦
Thinking (hoping) that "perhaps someone might find my failures useful," I wrote articles as if I were writing a letter of apology.
The handle name I came up with while feeling so down was
“Still a Mother”. Now, I am very happy because my kind note friends
“It’s not ‘still,’ you’re doing just fine” so warmly tell me that (*'▽')ノ💖
Thank you for your kind messages💕
⭐ About my son
It was the summer of my son's first year of junior high school.
Triggered by the immense stress of junior high life,
his food intake dropped sharply (less than when he was in kindergarten😢),
he developed sleep disorders, and he lost a lot of weight.
Desperate, I took him to a pediatrician😢.
As a result of various tests,
it was determined that he had
developmental disabilities (autism spectrum),
sensory sensitivities (auditory, tactile, olfactory, temperature, etc.),
and orthostatic dysregulation (sleep disorder).
“If he can't eat like this,
the nutrients that should go to his brain and development will be used up just to maintain his body,
and even though he's in a growth phase, his growth will stop and his brain will shrink.”
I still cannot forget the shock I felt when I was told that.
At the time, my son
was not growing in height, had not hit puberty,
was skin and bones, and looked very young😢😢😢
After the family had fallen asleep,
I would cry alone for a long time.
I felt sorry,
miserable,
and blamed myself for being a failure as a mother.
“School attendance is difficult under the current circumstances”—with that
doctor's note submitted to the school, he stopped attending.
He began a life of recuperation, taking it easy at home.
Until the spring of his third year of junior high,
he spent his time at home or at a facility for children who do not attend school.
From the spring of his third year of junior high, he gradually returned to school and graduated.
Currently, he has entered a correspondence high school, takes classes online,
and is spending his time happily making friends at the same schoolヾ(*´∀｀*)ﾉ
He has grown quite tall and his voice has changed too🎵
Autism spectrum, which is one of the developmental disabilities,
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy※ was something I learned and experienced through parent training.
I think he has become better at coming up with strategies for things he finds difficult.
※ Cognitive Behavioral Therapy:
While “how we perceive reality” and “our way of looking at things” are called cognition,
this is a treatment method that works on cognition to lighten mental stress.
⭐ Ways of thinking gained from my son's experience
There are a few, so I will introduce them💕
Parents are happy just because their child is alive (*'▽')ノ
Aiming for a high-deviation-score preparatory school or
a top-tier company is not everything in parenting.
What is suited to the person,
what the person wants to do,
and what they can continue without strain is what is important.
It is important not to force the parenting methods you received onto your own children,
but to face them, talk, and communicate what is important.
It's okay to fail, it's okay to make mistakes.
Praise the courage and initiative to try.
Not attending school is not a bad thing,
there are places to belong other than school,
and I want them to feel at ease knowing there are ways to study other than at school.
Just because you have a developmental disability,
or because you don't attend school,
you don't have to give up.
Having even one thing you are good at is enough.
It is totally fine to find what you are good at from now on👍
You don't have to look down on yourself
because of a developmental disability or not attending school.
and so on👍
Here is the article I wrote about my parenting philosophy
🎵 My son's magazine 🎵
⭐ About my daughter
During her baby years,
despite being ahead of standard growth milestones,
she has an easygoing nature she was born with, so she is slow at eating,
and slow to start doing anything~.
Daughter: "It disappears into the sea's mozuku (seaweed)!"👉Mother: "Don't you mean 'mokuzu' (flotsam)?" Σ(￣□￣|||)
Daughter: "I want a sprite like mom's shirt"👉Mother: "You mean stripe, right?" Σ(￣□￣|||)
Daughter: "Is Paris the country shaped like a boot?"👉Mother: "That's Italy. By the way, Paris is the name of the capital, not the country" Σ(￣□￣|||)
Well, she is quite the natural airhead like this ( *´艸｀)
Triggered by interactions with friends when she was young,
she went from having an active, caring personality
to being an indoor-only person who puts on a front and struggles with communication💦
Currently, she spends her days working hard in the brass band club.
She works full-time on one of the weekend days,
and spends the other day sleeping from exhaustion💦
A situation where it's hard to say she's balancing it with her studies has continued,
and my daughter became exhausted and cornered.
The other day, her emotions exploded😢
Well, that's understandable.
She's desperate to keep up with the pace of the other students😢
With new events at junior high school,
and new human relationships (in class, club activities, with seniors, and teachers),
my easygoing daughter has been constantly nervous.
Furthermore, since her total scores and rankings on regular tests dropped,
she lost her peace of mind💦
It was so painful and worrying to watch from nearby, so it couldn't be helped😢
The story of when club activities started in earnest
The story of when I felt a bitter feeling as a mother
⭐ What I told my daughter
What I told my daughter while hugging her when she was emotionally overwhelmed.
I won't tell you to go to a high-deviation school or a top-tier company, so
you don't need to worry about your parents' expectations.
I've seen many people who pushed themselves too hard, got sick, and had to quit, so
you don't have to force yourself to go to a place that's beyond your reach.
It's fine to join a company that's a stretch and focus on leveling up and growing in your daily life,
and it's also fine to have a daily life where you do a set job at set hours, come home,
and enjoy your own time.
Think about your own future,
and you can choose the path that suits you
or the one you want to try.
I won't tell you to become a doctor
or a bureaucrat,
so you can choose whatever you like.
Just because you can't become best friends with your classmates or club members,
you don't have to worry or be sad.
The world is vast, and you might find friends through your hobbies.
The narrow world of junior high school isn't everything.
There's no need to rush 👍
Friends aren't about the number of people, you know (*'▽')ノ
You don't want friends who are only connected by bad-mouthing others,
or friends just to go to the bathroom together,
right?
I repeated and told her
the things I have talked about until now.
My daughter, who laments that "I don't have any real friends," actually has group chats on LINE with classmates, club members, and fellow section members when she opens it,
and she also interacts with childhood friends.
For my daughter, who is slow to reply to LINE messages,
she might feel a lot of stress regarding LINE,
but it doesn't seem like she is isolated 💦
Anyway, she might be in a period where she is anxious about many things
and her heart is not at peace 😢
⭐ About me
Yuzu-san (a senior in parenting), who published a book,
apparently raised her children without telling them to study.
I thought, "Wow, that's wonderful 💖" If I were a child,
I would want Yuzu-san to be my mother 💖
I really hated being nagged to study (≧▽≦)
By the time I read Yuzu-san's book, my son was already in junior high,
and my daughter was in the upper grades of elementary school, so it was completely too late 💦
I ended up doing to my children the very things I hated (; ･`д･´)
Stop staring at YouTube and go study!
Don't forget your school homework too!
That was right after I had been saying that over and over 💦💦
And so, while I think Yuzu-san is wonderful,
I am still the one saying the lines above to my children.
,,,That's no good, me 💦
"Since I can't change easily no matter how many times I'm told,
I don't like being told, but please go ahead and say it.
If you don't tell me, I'll probably just keep watching YouTube."
One day, my daughter said this to me.
Perhaps,
seeing me reflect after I said it,
she was being considerate in her own way... ┐(´д｀)┌ Good grief
At this rate, who is the adult here... ＿|￣|○
But,
"Is this okay for our family?"
I was able to think that for the first time.
I want to be like Yuzu-san, but I can't.
That can't be helped.
So,
"We are who we are" 👈 My mom's specialty from way back
I think I'll just enjoy doing things that way ❣
While being swayed by every little thing my child says.
While being surprised by my child's growth,
and feeling down ＿|￣|○ while reflecting on myself.
While letting my airheadedness explode and being laughed at by my family.
I suddenly thought that I want to enjoy
each and every day of the remaining few years
I can spend with my children 💖ヽ(*´▽｀*)
Thank you for reading until the end ❣
💖 Introduced in akkiy☆'s article (*'▽')ノ
I was introduced in an article about AK, who is active in entertainment,
making songs with the theme of autism.
I will also record here the content I wrote in the comment section.
December 3, 2022 17:49
Good evening 🌙
People with autism
have a nature of specializing in one thing and digging deep into it.
Seeing that, parents and adults around them
end up expecting, "This child is a genius! A superior child!"
There are not many children who can say that their parents' expectations are a burden.
Because they know they are causing trouble and worry for their parents.
Because they don't want to disappoint them.
Children cannot say it 😢
The sadness unique to autism came through 😢
Thank you for introducing it 😢
It's a wonderful article, so I hope you will read it💖
いいなと思ったら応援しよう！
優しいお気持はありがたく、ちゃっかり頂きます(*- -)(*_ _)ペコリ💖