Contrary

Hello everyone. This is Rinne Yuki. It has been a while. Perhaps it has been too long.
With that in mind, I would like to talk about something today.

There are times when people won't listen to what you have to say, or when they turn a deaf ear even though you are offering advice with the best of intentions.
In such cases, pointing out things like, "Your current situation is wrong in this way," or "You should improve this part," might actually be counterproductive.
I would like to talk from my own perspective about what is actually happening inside such people.
When someone is told, "Try improving this!" or "This part isn't very good," the following happens inside them: "Oh, the current me is being rejected," or "The current me is wrong." Well, most people would probably feel that way up to this point. The problem starts here.
If the person is open-minded, they will be able to accept the advice properly, thinking, "I see, so that's what I should do!" Both parties are happy.
However, inside a somewhat difficult person, thoughts like, "I can't forgive this, I have to make them acknowledge who I am right now!" or "I absolutely won't listen to what they say until the current me is acknowledged" start to occur.
For such people, the goal is no longer to improve themselves. Their only goal becomes to ensure that their current self is not rejected and is instead acknowledged.
They are truly difficult people. And that person is me.
So, for those of you who want to guide someone like me in a better direction, please do this.
Just acknowledge them as they are right now. Tell them that they are fine as they are, and that it is good. That is all you need to do.
You might think, "But then nothing will change!" No, it will change. In fact, that is the better way to make them change.
This is because those difficult people already know exactly where and how they should improve. Even though they know, they cannot bear to have their current self rejected by others. You could even say they are afraid. That is why they need you to tell them, "You are wonderful!"—even if it is a lie.
Such difficult people will start to polish themselves on their own just by receiving that one phrase: "You are truly wonderful!"
Of course, the advice you receive from others, such as "You should do this a little differently!" is often accurate and helpful.
But if you throw that at a difficult person, they will mysteriously take the opposite action just to get their current self acknowledged.
As I was writing this, I thought that perhaps the words we say to others don't really need to be that specific.
Maybe it is enough to just vaguely convey, "You are truly wonderful!" Don't you feel that if you say that, the person will naturally keep trying to be a wonderful version of themselves? Somehow.
I really feel like that is the case.
I started to think, wouldn't it be enough if everyone just told each other, "You are amazing, you are wonderful!"?
Conversely, praise that is too specific, like "This part of you is wonderful," while not necessarily bad, might not be that good either. I feel that such praise could end up placing some kind of limitation on that person.
Of course, there are some people who have no intention of improving themselves, or who are spinning their wheels without knowing what their issues are. For such people, advice from others could be a breakthrough, and I don't think all advice is unnecessary.
However, I don't think advice to others is always necessary or effective. In fact, it might even stop someone in their tracks when they were trying to move forward. Like how you don't want to do your homework when your parents tell you, "Go do your homework!"
Of course, taking such contrary actions in response to advice is basically my own problem. It happens because my own spirit is immature. That may be true, but I would be grateful if you could watch over this immature me with a warm, indulgent gaze.

As an aside, there may be some people who throw loveless insults disguised as advice. Regarding this, one thought I have is that "perhaps there should be fewer words spoken in the world."
I feel like humans might be talking too much. I think that is what causes unnecessary trouble.
I myself often talk too much and end up saying unnecessary things. So, I feel that if humans just talked less and only exchanged things they truly wanted to say—things filled with love—many things might be resolved.

What do you think? This has gotten a bit long. Shall we wrap it up?
Well, this has become a contradictory article where I give a long piece of advice saying that advice is unnecessary.
Anyway, this time it was about why I am so contrary.