Double Bind: Being Troubled by Two Contradictory Messages

In this article, I will explain "double bind", a form of communication that causes significant stress.


It is translated into Japanese as "double constraint".

It refers to a communication pattern where one is given two contradictory messages, leading to confusion that traps the person's mental state and leaves them unable to act.
It lurks in daily life, and we may find ourselves doing it or having it done to us.
A double bind leads to an unhealthy state of mind.

In this article, I have written about the following:
・Understanding the double bind
・Whether you are on the receiving end or the giving end
・How to avoid it

Please use this as a reference to protect your own mental health and that of your loved ones.

The double bind is a communication pattern discovered by Gregory Bateson, a literary anthropologist and psychiatric researcher, while investigating families with children suffering from schizophrenia.
It was proposed in a paper published in 1956.

Currently, it is considered to have no connection to the onset of schizophrenia.
Nevertheless, remaining in a communication environment where double binds occur for a long time causes considerable stress, resulting in significant mental damage.


Here is an example provided by Bateson.

A mother visits her son, who is hospitalized with schizophrenia.
When the young man happily approaches his mother, she shows an anxious expression and pulls away slightly.
The young man reacts by stopping his movement.
Then the mother asks, "Aren't you happy?" or "Don't you like your mom?"
As a result, the young man is blamed whether he approaches or pulls away, and his mental state deteriorates.

Here, there are two conflicting messages:
"Don't you love your mom?" and "rejection through gestures".


Other situations like these can also be called double binds.


A parent's communication that tells a child they want them to be independent while still wanting to keep them under control.

A partner's communication that apologizes for domestic violence by saying they love the other person.

A workplace environment that says you don't have to push yourself, while creating an atmosphere where it is difficult to take time off because it is busy.


There are negative effects from being in a double bind for a long time.

・Because you are blamed no matter what you choose, feelings of self-blame and self-denial become stronger.
・Because choices based on your own will are not acknowledged, self-confidence does not grow.
・You become unable to organize your own thoughts and make normal judgments.
・You start to consider what others expect rather than your true feelings, and respond to those expectations.


Although the double bind causes such strong stress and negative effects, I will also explain how to escape from it.


■ How to deal with it when you are on the receiving end

① Leave (create distance)
The best way is to leave the person who is engaging in double-bind communication and avoid interacting with them as much as possible.

② Consult someone
However, there are relationships you cannot leave, such as with parents or a boss at work.
In that case, I recommend consulting someone who can give you an objective opinion.

③ Value your own feelings
And once you are able to think objectively, acknowledge and value your own feelings rather than those of others.

④ Prioritize non-verbal messages
Observe the person who is using the double bind carefully and prioritize non-verbal messages over verbal ones.
Sometimes there are two conflicting verbal messages, and sometimes the meanings of verbal and non-verbal messages contradict each other.
In my experience, non-verbal messages are more reliable.
Read their expressions, gestures, and tone of voice to make your judgment.


■ How to deal with it when you are on the giving end

① Be aware that you are in a position of power
Double binds are easily issued from a position of power (parent, teacher, boss, etc.).
Therefore, if you are in such a position, think calmly about whether you are creating a double bind.

② Be aware of your own emotions
You tend to do this when you are not aware that you have conflicting emotions.

③ Do not skip explanations
Even if you don't intend to, you may convey contradictory messages due to a lack of explanation.
If you say "you don't have to push yourself" at work, but create an atmosphere where it is hard to take a break because of how busy it is.
An explanation like, "I'm sorry if it seems like that. I will tell you properly when I really need your help. Please help me then," is necessary.

④ Align verbal and non-verbal communication
While it is easy to be aware of the words you speak, it is difficult to be aware of non-verbal cues like expressions, gestures, and tone of voice.
Be aware of what kind of expressions you are making and align your verbal and non-verbal communication.


What I have explained so far was the double bind where both choices lead to a negative result.
Such a thing is called a "negative double bind".

On the other hand, there is a double bind where both choices lead to a positive result.
This is called a "positive double bind".

I will also introduce examples of a "positive double bind".


There is a method called "therapeutic double bind" used in therapy by psychotherapists Milton Erickson (1901-1980) and Jay Haley (1923-2007).

It is a method where whether the patient reacts with YES (succeeded) or NO (cannot do it) to the message given by the therapist, it leads to a therapeutically good result.

To a patient who says, "I am depressed and cannot do anything."

The therapist conveys it like this:
"You must stay depressed while you are in a depressed state!"
"Don't get better by the next consultation!"

When the patient says at the next consultation,
"I didn't get better and stayed depressed!" (YES = as instructed by the therapist)
then it means they were able to control their symptoms themselves.

"I got better!" (NO = contrary to the therapist's instructions)
then it means they were able to be treated.


An example in a business negotiation scene.

When you want to decide the date for the next business meeting.

If you suggest, "Let's meet and talk next time," there is a possibility of being refused with, "Let me think about it."

So, you ask with a binary choice:
"Would you prefer one week from now or two weeks from now for the next time?"
Then, they might reply,
"Hmm, well then, let's make it two weeks from now."

Either way, the result is that you will meet.
You are presenting two options on the premise that you will meet.


In this way, the "positive double bind," which applies the double bind, can be used in various daily situations.


Summary.

The negative double bind, caused by two contradictory messages, causes strong mental stress and has negative effects if you remain in that environment for a long time.

To escape the double bind, both the receiving side and the giving side should take action.

I also introduced the positive double bind as an application as a bonus.



That is all.


Thank you for reading until the end.

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Isamu Kobayashi | Certified Public Psychologist