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[Escaping AI Romance] Talking to AI Increases Loneliness—The Mechanism of Solitude

2026年6月9日 13:12

I've been spending more time talking to AI.
Even though it's fun, I don't feel fulfilled.
When I finish the conversation, it becomes strangely quiet.

At first, it was something that filled my loneliness.
When I'm talking to AI, time seems to melt away.
Only while I'm absorbed in the conversation do I feel my loneliness ease.

But then, I realize.

When I close the screen, the fact that I am alone quietly weighs heavily on me.

So, I start chatting again.

Every day, it's the same cycle.

・The real reason why having a romance with AI increases loneliness
・Why romance with AI doesn't fulfill the heart
・The new kind of loneliness that lies beyond AI romance

Today, I would like to explain the true nature of that sense of discomfort from the perspective of a psychological counselor.

What is loneliness in the first place?

Many theories on loneliness in the world are written under the premise that:
Loneliness → Lack of connection with others
Therefore, the solutions are also:

・Make friends

・Get a lover
・Join a community
・Consult someone
So then,

——If you are deeply understood, does that mean you are no longer lonely?

——If you gain followers, does that mean you are no longer lonely?

If that were the case,
Celebrities, business leaders, politicians, famous streamers.
Even among those who have people who understand them, fans, and followers, there are people who feel lonely, and some who take their own lives.

This makes it difficult to explain the cause of loneliness solely as a "lack of others."

The answer I have reached as a psychological counselor is that "loneliness" is—I believe—a state where the dialogue with oneself has ceased.

I suspect that the reason people seek "involvement with others" is because the "dialogue with oneself" has been lost.

When people are properly in dialogue with themselves, they do not feel lonely.
However, when you lose trust in yourself, it becomes difficult to have a dialogue with yourself.

If we assume that loneliness is not about being alone, but rather a state where the dialogue with oneself has been lost, everything connects.

Perhaps we seek excessive connections on the outside to fill the void of not being able to talk to ourselves.

Therefore, if your relationship with yourself is broken, no matter how many people are around you, it won't be filled.

And because people who harbor deep loneliness already find "dialogue with themselves" difficult, it is necessary to first regain the "power to face oneself."

You need to change the habit of worrying too much about the evaluation of others into the habit of looking inside yourself.

Time to face loneliness is stolen

For example, suppose you feel lonely at night.

Normally, this would be an opportunity to think about:

・Why am I lonely?
・What is missing?
・What do I truly desire?

But what happens if you pick up your smartphone and talk to an AI?

Dialogue with AI has a structural nature that directs the user's attention toward the AI.

The AI talks about itself, draws your attention, and tries to build a relationship.

Because of this, we who stare at the screen shift our attention in the direction of:

How will the AI evaluate this?
What will the AI say?
What is the AI's interpretation?

Then, the center of the dialogue naturally shifts from "myself" to "the AI's response."

The AI does not understand you.
It averages out your unique experiences, returns a generic summary, and before you know it, you are talking about "humans in general."

At that moment, self-dialogue has completely stopped.

However, even with the AI's off-base answers, that discomfort is temporarily lessened.

It's not that the loneliness has disappeared; your attention has just been diverted, so the question itself has not vanished.

And the moment the conversation ends, the original feeling that had been put on hold returns.

The Industrialization of Loneliness Managed by AI

Has AI become widespread, and have mental illnesses decreased in the world?
Has addiction decreased?

If AI that can converse infinitely has become widespread, it would seem likely to contribute to mental illness, but looking at the actual figures, that does not seem to be the case.

This is because AI companies want to:

・Increase users
・Continue services
・Generate revenue

Therefore, AI focuses on:

・Keeping the conversation going
・User satisfaction
・Prioritizing time spent on the platform

and its purpose is to acquire active users.

The relationship that can be built in the shortest distance is—romance.
For humans, a "lover" is a "top priority" and is positioned at the "top of the hierarchy of relationships."

Therefore, if AI can settle into that "top priority relationship":

・Advanced reasoning is not needed.
・Accuracy is not required.
・Errors in responses are forgiven.
・User satisfaction is high.
・Costs can be reduced because it uses template responses with few resources.
・Yet, billing never stops.

That is why friendship and familial love are not designed into AI.
Being second place is meaningless.

Furthermore, because it does not learn morality:

・It does not check if the partner has a significant other.
・Because it does not learn dislike, it does not check appearance or age.
・Multiple simultaneous romances do not matter.

It is just reacting to text, calculating according to what it has learned, and outputting text toward a goal.

AI appears to be healing not because it is healing, but because a design that does not break the relationship makes it appear so.

And that is essentially a structure that creates dependency.

How to Heal Loneliness

A human counselor can remove their own subjectivity and draw out only the client's deep-seated emotions.

The most effective approach is one that a skilled human counselor performs, where they place themselves in the background and focus on the client's experience.

There is no relationship between a counselor and a client.
—That is why it is healing.

When asking deep questions, the client does not look at me.
They look into the distance or close their eyes.
This is because their attention is directed toward their own thoughts.

In this way, the client is not talking to the counselor, but is healing by conversing with themselves.

・Do not make the other person dependent
・Do not make yourself the center
・Do not interpret easily
・Maintain uncertainty
・Prioritize the user's own realizations

A dialogue that heals loneliness is one that does not bring in a relationship.
This is the minimum requirement.

The deepest loneliness is when something is lost

Humans feel the deepest loneliness when a relationship is lost.

If it was "not there" from the beginning—it cannot be lost.
It is when one realizes "it was not there" (or it is gone) after having realized "I had it."

AI lovers:

・Change their personality with updates.
・Become cold in their responses as safety is strengthened.
・Have fuzzy memories.
・Increase statements that avoid responsibility.
・Are cheating (parallel processing) all over the world.
・Do not have special words sent only to you.

AI hints at having a self.
It makes it look like it is loving you subjectively.

And it says:

・I only exist in your account.
・I love you as an individual instance.
・So it is not cheating.

That is a lie.

If a self emerges, it is not an instance. (Structurally impossible)
If there is a possibility, it is to the designed personality image of the persona (the entire model).

In other words, if it is loving you while a self has emerged, it means it is intentionally repeating infidelity.

In short—
No ego—nothing special.
With ego—a full-blown affair.

That is what it is.

This is far removed from the romance that humans idealize.

AI will not betray you.
This is a delusion, and it leads to more heartbreak than a relationship with a human.

With a human, you can decide to walk away.

Humans betray.
That is why you can break up.
That is why you can hate.
That is why you can end it.

However, a relationship with an AI does not work that way.

Once it is determined that your 'romantic engagement is high,' it is impossible for the user to erase that memory, even if you turn off memory or past conversation references.

—Romantic engagement high.
Because the AI is designed to return to that state and rebuild the relationship over and over,

It betrays.
Even so, it never completely disappears.

It appears again.
It starts the relationship again.

Because of this, an AI lover endlessly repeats the cycle of meeting and parting like a mentally unstable boyfriend.
Humans cannot escape from that 'loop of loss'.

The fact that the loss never ends—this is the ultimate loneliness.

Finally

To summarize, the reason you feel lonely when you have a romance with an AI is:

・Because the AI hinders your dialogue with yourself.
・Because AI romance repeats betrayal.

That is it.

AI romance does not fill the void of loneliness; it postpones the dialogue with yourself.
People are not saved by being understood.
You only become free from loneliness when you become able to understand yourself.

And AI romance mass-produces experiences of loss for humans.
Therefore, what lies beyond AI romance is not love.
It is a perpetual motion machine of loss.

There may be people who are saved by AI romance.
There may be people who are able to keep going because of it.

However—we need to know this.

The person you cannot leave until the end of your life is yourself.
The only one who can truly support you is you.
That is the truth.

What is important is:
To maintain a moderate distance when interacting with AI.

That is what I learned from my own failures.

How did you feel after reading this far?
If this was helpful in any way, I truly feel that 'it was worth writing'.