🎂 The hardest day of the year: 'My own birthday'

'When my birthday approaches, my heart feels restless.'
'In truth, I just wanted to hear a single "Happy Birthday"...'

To you, who feels this way.
I have felt the same way for a long time.

💔 An anniversary dismissed as a 'waste of money'

Before we were married, he used to celebrate it properly.
Presents, dining out, and cake.
We truly cherished that special day together.

But, right after we got married, he said to me:

With those words, my heart went cold.
I had no words to retort, and I had no choice but to accept it in silence.

🍽 It's my birthday, yet I'm the one working the hardest

Dining out was rejected, and there were no presents.
However,I did buy a cake.
Because it was better than 'nothing at all'.

Even so, I couldn't help but think:

'Why am I the one working the hardest on my own birthday?'

I prepared an elaborate meal, set the table,
and what awaited me after that was—
more dishes than usual and a tired body.

With no one to thank me, in the silent kitchen,
as I cleaned up alone,
something deep inside my chest crumbled away.

🧊 Even after several years, my body remembers

It has been several years since the divorce.
But when my birthday approaches, I still fall ill.

Headaches, lethargy, and a sense of aimless anxiety.
Perhaps my heart is remembering those days.

'The loneliness of not being celebrated'
'The emptiness of celebrating myself and cleaning up by myself'

—that still remains within me even now.

🏡 The only time I was happy was when I was at my parents' home

Looking back, I feel that the only time I could truly feel 'happy' about my birthday was when I was spending it with my family at home.

The cake came out, and everyone said 'congratulations'.
Someone prepared a feast and even cleaned up afterward,
and I just had to smile.

Perhaps I have been searching for that sense of security and warmth ever since I became an adult.

👤 There are surely others who feel the same way

People who dislike birthdays,
people who feel they don't want to be celebrated.

But you don't have to blame yourself for that.
It's not because you are cold-hearted.
It's just that the days when you weren't cherished have made you that way.

🌱 A little kindness to treat yourself

・Buy your favorite cake for yourself
・Decide on a day not to do the dishes
・Take a long soak in the bath and have some quiet time

Not for someone else,but for you.
It is okay to give yourself such small kindnesses.

💌 Finally

That day when someone called birthdays 'a waste',
and I thought, 'Is my existence a waste too?'

Even so, I bought a cake for myself, cooked, and even cleaned up.
So now, I want to say this to that version of me.

And to you, who read this.
I want to convey this quietly, but with all my heart.

Happy birthday 🎂
I am truly grateful that you are here today.

🌸 For those who want to know more about the real life of a single mother, 'Hana'

My profile is summarized here.

✅ Daily musings and the latest information are being posted on X 📱

Thank you for reading until the end 🌸
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