What to do first when you start thinking about closing a grave

― What is important is not the 'removal' but the 'subsequent memorial service' ―

I have had more opportunities to receive consultations saying, "I am thinking about closing my grave..." I feel that the term "closing a grave" has become much more familiar than it used to be.

However, when I actually listen to people's stories, most of them say, "I don't know where to start."

When you search on the internet, various information comes up, such as applications for relocation permits and the cost of removing gravestones.

Of course, those are also important procedures.

However, having received consultations from customers for many years, I feel that the first thing you should think about when you start considering closing a grave is not the procedures or the costs.

The first thing you want to think about is "the destination of the remains"

When people hear "closing a grave," they tend to think it means removing the grave.

However, essentially, it is not about getting rid of the grave, but

about moving the place where the remains are memorialized.

Therefore, the first thing you should think about is not what to do with the gravestone, but

where you will memorialize the remains.

Will you move them to a perpetual memorial grave?

Will you choose a tree burial?

Will you use a charnel house?

Or will you relocate them to a place near your home?

If you proceed without deciding on this direction, there are times when the family's opinions will not come together later on.

Closing a grave is not an "end"

The term "closing a grave" has a somewhat lonely ring to it.

There are not a few people who feel apologetic about getting rid of a grave that has been passed down through generations.

However, in reality, closing a grave does not mean ending memorial services.

It means reviewing the form of memorial services and transitioning to a style that suits the current era and your family's situation.

It has become difficult to maintain a grave in a distant location.

There are fewer people to visit the grave.

I do not want to burden my children in the future.

The number of people choosing to close a grave for such reasons is increasing year by year.

I believe this is by no means because they do not value their ancestors, but rather a choice to continue memorial services into the future.

Things to discuss with your family

When consulting about closing a grave, there are things you should discuss with your family before dealing with the procedures.

That is, 'how you would like to continue memorial services from now on.'

For example, some people think it is fine to have the remains interred together, while others want to continue individual memorial services.

Also, some people want to leave a place to visit, while others prioritize not burdening their children above all else.

Neither is necessarily the right way.

What is important is to confirm the feelings of each family member.

Things more important than cost

When you start thinking about closing a grave, you inevitably worry about the cost.

Of course, cost is important.

However, what I have felt through years of providing consultations is that,

many of those who regret it later do not regret the cost, but rather,

'I wish we had talked more as a family'.

It is more important to be satisfied with the final resting place of the remains than whether the removal costs were low.

I believe that leads to peace of mind for the future.

Consultations increasing at Shingu Reien

At Shingu Reien, consultations regarding closing graves are increasing year by year.

What is impressive among them is that rather than wanting to "get rid of the grave,"

many people are thinking, "I want to continue memorial services without difficulty in the future."

In fact, about 70% of those considering closing their graves are transitioning to perpetual memorial graves within the park.

They want to reduce the burden of maintenance while still having a place to put their hands together in prayer.

I think that is what many people are thinking.

Summary

When you start thinking about closing a grave, the first thing you should do is not to look for a contractor,

nor is it to get a quote.

First, you should think about where you will continue to hold memorial services for the remains.

Closing a grave is not about ending the grave itself.

It is a new choice to continue memorial services into the future.

That is why I believe that thinking about the subsequent memorial services, rather than the removal itself,

is the first step toward a grave closure you will not regret.