The Fifth Child's Entrance Ceremony. ~Cherry Blossoms. Nursery School. Thoughts on my Husband. Ramblings~

This spring, I get the impression that the cherry blossoms around here haven't fully bloomed yet.
In previous years, the cherry blossoms would have fallen by the time of the entrance ceremonies,
and we would take photos under the cherry trees that had turned almost entirely green,
thinking, well, I suppose this will have to do...

The year before last and last year, the entrance and graduation ceremonies for my daughters, who are a year apart, followed one after another.
This year is my third son's nursery school entrance ceremony.
I wonder if I'll be able to look up at the cherry blossoms with a bit more peace of mind next year.

And so, our family went to the entrance ceremony.

This is the same nursery school my eldest and second daughters attended.
They still come along for drop-offs and pick-ups all the time,
so there's nothing particularly nostalgic or embarrassing about it now.
When their former teachers called out to them, saying, "You came to visit!"
the sisters replied with a slightly shy, "Yeah..."
The teachers also looked kindly at their expressions, which showed they were trying to act a bit more grown-up.

The more places there are that warmly welcome children at any time,
the more grateful I am.

***

My eldest daughter was in the 2-year-old class, and my second daughter was in the 1-year-old class when they entered at the same time.
Taking the two little ones with me,
I visited and carefully vetted many, many nursery schools back then.
Ultimately, after seeing the school's philosophy, the lively demeanor of the childcare staff,
and witnessing how the children at the nursery school were confidently engaged in their activities,
I made this nursery school my first choice.
When the notification arrived that we had successfully gotten into our first choice,
I did a pretty solid little dance of joy.

However, even though we got into the nursery school, returning to work after that was tough.

shiiimo works in education.
Even without the fact that after giving birth, days would go by without me having a proper conversation with an adult,
leaving me unable to find the right words and feeling less than useless,
I was assigned new classes to teach and became a homeroom teacher.
It's a good thing about my workplace that you can challenge yourself without giving up your career after childbirth,
but for me, these new classes were incredibly difficult.

*shiiimo at that time*
After picking up the two of them,
it was home, bath, preparing dinner, feeding them, playing, and putting them to sleep.
After that, I'd return to the living room to hang up the laundry and prepare for class.
Parts I wasn't confident I could explain well were likely difficult for the students as well.
While searching for other materials, I wondered if there was a better way to explain things.
Every night was a struggle.
My husband at the time had a grueling job and a workplace far from home,
so he would finally return home around the time I was doing all this.
And then he would leave the house again before the children woke up.
I, shiiimo, would get through the morning chaos alone and head off to a class I felt anxious about...

.........
No, no, this is just tooooooo tough!!!!!!!!!
It's so tough it's funny!!!!!!!!!
Cracking open a strong canned cocktail!!!
Alcohol!!! Yay!!!
Teaching is so haaaaaard!!!

Every night was like this. (Anxiety)

And then, during times like that, the children would get fevers. Epidemics would spread. Mistakes and carelessness would pile up because I was just desperate to make up for lost time. Mistakes.

"Oh. Again. I really am useless..."

I wonder how many times I left the busy staff room with teary eyes after bowing my head to those around me.
It was frustrating and sad that I, someone in a position to teach, was struggling so much with how difficult it was.

My workplace is 10 minutes away by train.
Without even a moment to calm my mind,
I would arrive at the nursery school near the station in the blink of an eye.

"Welcome back! Thank you for coming to pick them up."
"Thank you for wrapping up your work so quickly. It must have been tough, right?"

At times like that, I was saved by the usual words from the nursery school teachers.

Oh, the nursery school teachers too.
The nursery school teachers, of all people.
Even though they are entrusted with the lives of children who can't even hold a proper conversation,
and must be facing difficult work every day.
They even offered words of comfort to the parents, and they had kept my own children safe and alive again today.

On days when I made a mistake, I had no choice but to bow deeply to the nursery school teachers when I picked up my children.
And once again,
Yeah. Let me try a little harder.
I was able to think that.

***

During the adjustment period, my third son cries every day when he lets go of shiiimo's hand.
But that time is steadily decreasing.
Today, he remembered and cried a little when he saw his homeroom teachers, but
he was smiling the whole time during the ceremony.
He clapped his little hands over and over.

“He was in such a good mood!”
the teachers said to me.
Being with five children makes us stand out no matter what.
Right next to where we were hurriedly taking photos in front of the entrance ceremony sign,
“I always get energy from seeing this sight!”
said the nursery director, whom I trust.

I feel the same way. We are the ones who do.
I wanted to tell them at the top of my lungs, but
it would be noisy and generally annoying. (I am a sensible person)
I kept it to myself this time, but I hope to tell them again (modestly) someday.

It is precisely because I found a nursery school where I can safely entrust my precious children
that I can welcome a new life like this once again.

The surprise and blessings from the teachers
when I told them I was pregnant with twins.
The days when my husband and I both took a year of childcare leave
and visited the nursery school together while raising the twins.
Even after the COVID-19 pandemic started and we could no longer enter the school,
they told us about life at the school through various means.

The support they gave us when my husband, who was on childcare leave, was rushed to the hospital with chest pain,
underwent open-heart surgery, and recovered.
The support they gave us while my husband was on leave after suffering from adjustment disorder
due to the stress of balancing his heavy workload and childcare after returning to work.

There are things we could only share because of this nursery school.
There are things we were able to overcome.
That is what I was thinking about at today's entrance ceremony.

And now that I write it down like this,
my husband has also had his fair share of hardships...
Watching him, I think that honest and kind people have a difficult life.
But at the same time, it is a life loved by many people.
Like me, for instance. Though I am the one who loves him most. (Smiles)
The day my husband collapsed.

The fear I felt that he might really disappear from our lives.
How our daily life was eroded by work when he was supposed to be working from home.
His leave, his return to work, and his job change.
I hope to leave these things on note as lessons for the life ahead.

My husband, who changed jobs at the beginning of this year,
has fewer days working from home and has business trips, so he has become physically busier.
However, his eyes are not being chased by anything,
and he is truly looking at the children from the bottom of his heart.

This spring will surely be a good one.

I will be returning to work soon too.

Ah, I really don't want to, I want to play more games and relax by myself

Spring makes my thoughts overflow too much.
It is a bad habit.
Even though I haven't been able to organize my thoughts,
thank you for your hard work today as well.
I will stick to 7% today. (Talking about alcohol)

#ChildcareDiary