Why Neuroscience Says the 'Terrible Twos' Are Like a Porsche Without Brakes

What is the true nature of the 'terrible twos'!?

For a two-year-old,
a banana breaking
is the end of the world.

That is not an exaggeration.
It is the truth.

Let me tell you
what happened this morning.

Breakfast.

My eldest son
said, 'I want to eat banana yogurt.'

I see.
He seems to be in a good mood today.

I put the yogurt in a deep bowl,
cut the banana into bite-sized pieces right in front of him,
and tossed them in one by one.

The perfect 'banana yogurt' was complete.

The moment I thought that,

'NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!'

...Huh?

Absolute, extreme rage.

What?
What was wrong?

'I didn't want you to cut it,'
he wailed.

Apparently,
cutting it was the problem.

But, you cut banana yogurt
to make it easier to eat
before putting it in the yogurt, right...?

'Well, I'll eat this one,
and I'll give you a whole new one,
just as it is, okay?'

'Don't want it,' 'That's not it'

'I wanted the one from before, but not cut'

......I didn't want you to
cut that.
What do you mean?

My friend. There is
no solution for that other than turning back time.

This 'Banana Incident'.

Actually, it breaks out
daily in every household.

Asked to 'peel the banana,' and when I did,
they
wailed, 'I wanted to peel it myself!'

If I bring out a blue plate,
they fly into a rage, 'I wanted the red one!'

Even with the banana,
'It's the same banana once it's in your stomach.'

......That kind of adult logic
doesn't get through even one millimeter.

'Are they being too selfish?'
'Is my parenting bad?'

There were many nights I blamed myself
like that.

However, my friend.

When I looked into neuroscience,
the true nature of this 'banana despair'
became clearly visible.

What is happening inside that child's brain?

A Porsche without brakes

The human brain has
two major mechanisms.

One is
the 'amygdala'.
It is the emotional accelerator.

Happy!
Sad!
Angry!

It is a mechanism that causes emotions to explode with a bang, and
this has been
fully operational since birth.

The other is
the 'prefrontal cortex'.
It is the brake of reason.

'Oh well'
'It can't be helped'
'Let's do this next time'

It controls this ability to switch feelings.

However, here is the thing.

This prefrontal cortex,
at the age of 2 or 3,
is still under construction.

It won't be finished until, believe it or not,


“your 20s.”

In other words, that child's brain right now,

has a high-performance engine
installed, but

has no brakes.

A Porsche without brakes.

Of course,
it's going to run wild.
Once it starts running, it won't stop.

“The world is ending because the banana broke” is
never just unreasonable selfishness.

It's just that the
brakes that should normally be there haven't arrived yet
.

The moment the 'blueprint' in the brain shifts

There is
one more important thing to talk about.

“Cognitive flexibility.”

It sounds like a difficult term, but in short, it is

the brain's ability to switch gears and say 'oh well'

.

Inside a two-year-old's brain,
an incredibly precise
“blueprint” is drawn.

For example, this morning,

“A whole banana is placed in front of me, and I eat it by putting it into yogurt”

—a perfect blueprint like that
had been formed in my son's brain.

I appeared there, and
cut the banana into pieces.
(Thinking I was doing something good)

At this moment,
what happened inside that child's brain?

The blueprint and reality were out of sync.

However,
because the prefrontal cortex is still under construction,
they cannot even revise the blueprint.

They cannot say, 'Oh well, it's fine.'

As a result, the brain
caused a 'fatal runaway'
.

'I didn't want you to cut the one from before.'

That statement
was not selfishness.

Logical arguments do not act as a restart button.

Here, there is a mistake that we parents
often make.

Trying to persuade them with logical arguments.

'It's all the same once it's in your stomach, right?'

'Don't be selfish.'

'There's another one, right?'

I understand the feeling.
I have done it hundreds of times myself.

However.

This is
the same as yelling at a frozen old computer
.

Even if you shout, 'Work!'
the screen won't move, will it?

That child's brain is currently
in that state.

It is not in a state to accept logic.

So, what should you do?

Just provide a
“play-by-play” of the error.

“You wanted to peel it yourself, didn't you?”

“You didn't want me to cut it, did you?”

“You were sad, weren't you?”

I thought this sounded like nonsense, but
it was incredibly effective.

By putting the child's emotions into words,
the rampaging amygdala
gradually calms down.

In a sense,
you are helping with a brain 'reboot'
.

You don't need to try to solve the problem.
You don't need to lecture them with logic.

Just
read the error screen aloud,
and wait for the reboot.

That is the optimal solution.

You are not being 'attacked'.

Finally,
let me just say this.

Those children
don't want to give you a hard time.

They aren't attacking you, either.

They are just
unable to process things and
having a panic.

And you know what?

Being able to despair as if it were the end of the world
over something like a banana

is proof that they have started to
develop their own expectations.

Their
'I want to do this'
and 'I want to do that' ego,
is sprouting at a furious speed.

That crying,
is not rebellion.

"I have
a feeling of wanting to do this!

That is
a cry of growth.

The Porsche's engine
is roaring.

The brakes
will arrive slowly later on.

They will take 20 years to arrive.
Let's wait patiently for the delivery.

So for now,
it is natural to run wild.
It is also natural to stall.

It is certainly not
because your parenting is bad.

It is proof that that child's brain is
growing smoothly and fiercely,
indeed.

Tomorrow morning too,
they will surely
cry about something again.

Whether the banana breaks,
whether the peel is removed first,
or whether the plate is the wrong color.

It is unpredictable.

At that time,
please keep just this one phrase
in your mind.

"Ah, they don't have brakes."

That is all you need.

When you know the cause,
you will have
just a little bit of space in your heart.

By that much space,
your voice will soften.

If you provide a play-by-play commentary
with that soft voice,
the child's reboot will be faster.

Logical arguments are unnecessary.
Persuasion is unnecessary.

Just sit next to them
and say, "You wanted to peel it, didn't you."

That is the best
"reboot button" you can provide.

Nin-nin!

If this scroll leaves even a small impression on your heart,
please press the 'Like (♡)' button below.

It will become my HP for tomorrow.

[More of my failure stories can be found below] ↓

#TerribleTwos #Parenting #ChildcareEssay #2YearOld #BrainScience