The 'nicer' you are, the more likely you are to get 'depressed'.

I was what you would call a 'nice person'.

I was what you would call a 'nice person'.
As a designer, I would imagine the people using our services, think about how things should be, and give them shape. Since the users were the top priority, no matter what clients or bosses said, I would give my heart and soul to accommodate them.

My own feelings were always put on the back burner.

I truly believed that if the people using our services became happy, or if their problems were solved, that was my joy in life.

I was just a nice person.

But in my 30s, I collapsed. I couldn't put effort into anything anymore.

When my counselor said to me, 'You couldn't stop being a 'nice person', could you?' tears welled up in my eyes.

I wanted to stop. But I didn't know how. Or perhaps, I was convinced that I shouldn't stop.

So, why do 'nice people' get depressed?

Mimicry in the name of 'for someone else'

In my case, it was the grand justification of 'for the user'.

But looking back, it was a perfect form of 'mimicry'.

Revision requests I actually wanted to refuse, deadlines I actually thought were impossible, specifications I actually thought were wrong—I could swallow all of these as long as I had the magic words, 'for the user'.

The happiness of the people using the service over my own feelings. That is correct. That is exactly how a designer should be. I believed that without a doubt.

When a colleague pointed out, 'You're just erasing yourself,' I couldn't say anything back.

I was erasing myself. Or rather, I felt like I couldn't do this job unless I did.

A 'nice person' is a strange thing; they appear to live for others, but in reality, they might just be pathetic creatures who can only prove their own existence by 'being useful to someone'.

I wasn't being useful to someone; wasn't I just desperately trying to prove my own worth by being useful?

A structural flaw where you can't see your HP gauge

The reason good people become depressed is that they don't realize their own emotional HP gauge exists—or perhaps it is more accurate to say they pretend not to notice.

Every time you accept someone else's request, your HP is depleted. Every time you swallow your opinion in a meeting, it is depleted. Every time you force a smile when you actually hate it, it is depleted.

However, good people do not recognize this obvious 'consumption' as consumption.

'This is normal,' 'Everyone else is doing it,' 'I'm the only one who can't complain'—these thoughts function as spells that make your own HP gauge invisible.

Your seniors and colleagues at work are all doing their best. That is why you alone cannot complain. You alone cannot rest. You alone cannot escape.

And so, by the time you realize it, your HP has hit zero.

One day, suddenly, you can no longer get up. You cannot stop crying. You lose the motivation to do anything.

That was depression.

My doctor told me, 'Your HP gauge has been in the red for a long time.'

Even though the red light was flashing, I kept running. Right up until the moment I collapsed.

How foolish that was.

The binding device called being a 'good person'

So, why do good people not notice—or rather, pretend not to notice—that their HP is being depleted?

It is because 'being a good person' functioned as their only mechanism for validation.

Being relied upon. Being thanked. Being told, 'It helps that you are here.'

These were my worth.

That is why I couldn't refuse. Couldn't rest. Couldn't escape.

If I refused, I would lose my value. If I rested, I would no longer be needed. If I escaped, I would be abandoned—that fear was what kept me bound.

When my counselor told me, 'Even if you stop being a good person, your value will not disappear,' I couldn't believe it.

No, perhaps I just didn't want to believe it. Because I had never even imagined what I would be like after taking off the armor of being a "nice person."

But little by little, I began to understand.

Being a nice person was a curse. To break that curse, I had no choice but to decide for myself to "stop being a nice person".

It is not as if someone else will give you permission to do so.

A recommendation for retiring from being a nice person

Stopping being a nice person does not mean becoming a cold-hearted person.

It means prioritizing your own emotions above all else.

Say no when you want to say no. Rest when you want to rest. Run away when you want to run away.

It is a simple matter.

When you do this, naturally, people will drift away. You will be called a "disappointment." You will be judged as having "become cold."

But that is perfectly fine.

A senior colleague once told me, "When people who don't fit you leave, people who do fit you will gather." At first, I couldn't believe it. But it was true.

Once I retired from being a nice person, I felt surprisingly relieved.

I stopped sacrificing myself with the spell of "for someone else's sake." I became able to say "I can't do that" to unreasonable requests with confidence. I became able to protect my own HP gauge.

And then I realized—you can only truly help someone when you are not broken yourself.

It is an ironic story. Because as a result of constantly wearing yourself down "for someone else's sake," you end up unable to be of use to anyone.

You should draw the line for yourself

Nice people keep meeting the expectations of others. And that line keeps rising higher and higher.

Your boss expects it. Your colleagues expect it. Your customers expect it. And society expects it.

But in reality, you are allowed to draw your own line for what is 'enough'.

'I've done enough,' 'I can't do any more,' 'This is good for today'—you must never let your boss, your colleagues, or even the banner of 'for the company' or 'for the customer' decide where that line is.

I am now protecting my own line of 'enough'.

If I can't get up in the morning, I rest. If I take on too much work, I decline. If I'm tired, I take a break without giving a reason.

If people leave because of that, let them leave. If my evaluation drops because of that, let it drop.

There is no reason whatsoever to be useful to someone else at the cost of destroying yourself.

Conclusion: Declaration of Retirement from Being a 'Nice Person'

The nicer you are, the more likely you are to get depressed.

I don't know if this is a statistical fact, but at the very least, it is true within my range of observation.

It is not because 'nice people are bad.' It is because the phrase 'for someone else' has functioned as an indulgence to erase oneself.

It is important to think about others. However, it is fundamentally impossible to make someone happy without thinking about yourself.

Permission to stop being a nice person is not something you receive from someone else. It is something you give to yourself.

You have already done enough.

There is no need to wear yourself down any further.

You can retire from being a nice person and live your life.