A story about days when I don't really understand 'the reason for working'

Hello, this is Moyagen.
Today, I'd like to ramble a bit about things like the 'meaning of working' or 'sense of fulfillment'.

Lately, there are moments when I suddenly think this.
'What on earth am I working for?'

Getting woken up by an alarm every morning, rubbing my sleepy eyes while getting on the train,
starting work somehow, processing the tasks in front of me, and before I know it, it's evening.
Before I realize it, the day is over, I come home exhausted,
eat dinner, fiddle with my phone, and go to sleep.

And then, the next day is the same thing again.

What is the reason for working, I wonder?
To make a living. For money.
...Yeah, that's certainly true, but.

Then, am I actually managing to have 'that life' right now?
Am I enjoying it?
Is it fulfilling?

To be honest, I'm not really sure.

Payday is, of course, happy.
When payday comes, my mood lifts just a little bit.
But that's really only 'a little bit'.

Rent, utilities, phone bill, food expenses, and various other things get deducted,
and a few days later, I'm like, 'Wait, is this all that's left?'
It makes me feel a bit empty, thinking, 'I worked for a whole month for this.'

Sometimes, I hear people say, 'A sense of fulfillment is important, isn't it?'
Yeah, I really think that's true.
But then, if you ask if my own job has a 'sense of fulfillment'...
I don't know.

Maybe I'm helping someone...
But it's just numbers and email exchanges, so it feels thin.
The results seem visible but aren't, and
sometimes I end up thinking, 'Couldn't someone else do this just as well?'

I feel like I used to have clearer goals.
Like 'I want to become this' or 'I want to acquire this skill'.
But after various things didn't go well, or
the reality of being a 'working adult' was different from what I imagined,
gradually, without realizing it, it became just 'days of getting through things'.

If I open social media, there are people saying, 'I found my calling!' or 'I'm living by doing what I love.'
I think that's amazing, but honestly, it feels like a story from a distant world.

And yet, I don't even know what my 'favorite thing' is, so
I sometimes wonder if I even have the right to be envious of them.

That said, there's no option not to work.
I can't live without money.
If I could get by without working, I'd prefer that, but reality isn't that sweet.

So, I wake up every morning, go to the company,
somehow get through my tasks, come home, and sleep.
I'm repeating this.

Sometimes I wonder.
Where is this daily routine heading?
'Is my current effort leading to anything?'

But perhaps, there is no immediate answer.
Maybe I'll just keep living without ever finding one.

So lately, I've been trying to think like this.

'For now, I'm great just for having gone today.'
'It's enough to just live within the scope of what I can do right now.'
'Even if I don't force a meaning onto it, it's OK just to be getting by.'

The reason for working is still a bit hazy, but
for now, I managed to work this week, and since I'm able to write a little bit like this, I'll just leave it at that for now.