In my 50s, living alone, female. This is what happens when you seek excitement.

In my 50s, living alone. Female.

It's too quiet.

Is silence always this soundless?
The hum of the refrigerator is practically my roommate now.

The excitement of my youth was mostly about "people."
Messages left unread, sudden phone calls, meaningful silences.

Now,

Amazon's "scheduled to arrive today" is what makes my heart race the most.

No, that's not it.

I want to feel like I'm truly alive right now.

I want to raise my heart rate.

So,

1. I went to a free trial at a personal gym

I walked in with a face that said, "I'm changing starting today,"
and the next day, I was so sore all over that going to the bathroom felt like a life-or-death struggle.

I'm alive. I'm definitely alive.

2. I checked my credit card statement

This is thrilling.
A 2,980 yen charge I don't remember.

What is this?
What did I buy?

It's scarier than love.

3. I looked at my own face in the middle of the night using the front-facing camera on my phone

Try this.
It's more stimulating than a horror movie.

Alright.

Tomorrow, bright red nail polish is what I'm going to get.

It's not about whether it suits me.

It's about whether I want to wear it.

In my 50s.
I can still stir things up.

In fact, this is where the real show begins.