You lack "charm." Have more "charm."

Source: A senior colleague at work.

A middle-aged man with big ambitions! (👉Self-introduction)

Recent feedback from a senior colleague at work. My senior always gives feedback that hits the nail on the head at just the right moments, using interesting expressions.
I am recording my thoughts here so I can always be conscious of them.

The meaning of "Have 'charm'" (Self-understanding)

Have "charm." I thought this is what "charm" should mean for a man approaching forty.

• I have not become the kind of person whom clients keep wanting to grow their business with.

• People want to work with people they like. For example, you don't like someone who only says things that are painful to hear based on logic.

• I lack that kind of "charm" that makes people like me.

Wondering what kind of "charm" I was missing, I read a book about "charm."

10 basic "charm" gestures and self-scoring

(Source: "Charm" becomes the strongest weapon to open up your life)

Regarding the basic "charm" gestures written in the book, I self-scored how much I am failing to do them on a scale of 10. There are 10 items, so it is out of 100 points.

1. Nod as if your head might fall off: "Yeah! Yeah!"
   → 1 point! I tend to nod quite a bit to show I'm listening, but if anything, when the other person is talking, I tend to pay attention to differences from my own theories, and I often end up with a suspicious look on my face, saying things like "Hmm?"...
   

2. Laugh louder than anyone else: "DHAAHAHA! That's awesome!"
   → 2 points! Even when I laugh, it's at a 'hehehe' level. The level of loudness is lacking. I think I'm thinking about the next agenda, so the range of things I find funny is narrow...
   

3. Don't just be welcomed, do the welcoming: "Good morning!"
   → 3 points! I always wait for people to enter the meeting room first, and when they do, I stand up and greet them, but the level of energy, the smile, and the sense of 'I've been waiting for you!!' are lacking.
   

4. Smile not just with your mouth, but with your eyes: "Nico Nico"
   → 2 points! I feel like I have a poker face quite often; I haven't been able to create a fun atmosphere or have the composure to enjoy things when the conversation takes an unexpected turn. Someone once told me my eyes don't smile...
   

5. Call people by nicknames in an overly friendly way: "What do you think, Yukky?"
   → 0 points! I thought I hadn't reached that kind of relationship, but should I just take the plunge and try it? lol
   

6. Walk around and talk to people restlessly: "Have you been playing golf lately?"
   → 0 points! I only meet people in meeting rooms. I don't go around making small talk. I need to stop acting so serious and build up more frank conversations where I get to know the other person and open myself up to them.
   

7. Sometimes, show your anger clearly: "I'm angry about this!"
   → 2 points! Sometimes my irritation shows on my face, but if I make it clear, does that become "charm"...!
   

8. Try to get a laugh in a tense situation: "Put yourself on the line to break the tension"
   → 0 points! The brunt of the tense atmosphere often turns toward me, and I haven't been able to adopt a stance of enjoying that atmosphere or making it a fun place.
   

9. Engage sincerely in farewell greetings: "Greet as if it were your final farewell"
   → 3 points! I thank people every time I leave a meeting room, but I probably don't convey that sense of reluctance as if it were a final farewell. I need to express the feeling that I'm already looking forward to our next meeting.
   

10. Prioritize being "cheerful": "Cheerful"
    → 0 points! I feel like a sullen face has become my default.
    

Summary: Changing my persona starting tomorrow

Hmm! 13 points out of 100! Everything is way too low! I don't use "charming" gestures, and with a sullen face as my default, I definitely lack charm. I'm not a character who is fun to talk to.

I'll change my persona starting tomorrow. I will be conscious of:

• I love you so much!! (5, 6, 9)

• I love talking to you so much!! (1, 3, 8)

• Express joy, anger, sorrow, and pleasure clearly on the spot!! (2, 4, 7, 10)

The book also includes gestures to turn first meetings into destiny, gestures to be favored by your boss, gestures to be pampered by female colleagues, and more. Lol
It's also available on Kindle Unlimited, so feel free to check it out for a charm check!

I'll change my persona and update the results here again! Jajajaan! I'm cheerful and energetic today too! I'm a middle-aged person with big ambitions!

To be continued

I wrote about a time when my boss, who is a bit out of touch, said something that made me feel uneasy.