I scolded them in a fit of emotion, I wonder if that child's heart was hurt too

Source: Mitsuo Aida

I'm Taishi, a father of two mischievous elementary school boys!
(A middle-aged man with big ambitions│👉Self-introduction)

Last time, I wrote about the 'Mom Appreciation Festival' that I hold with my sons every month for the sake of a happy marriage and a happy family.

As a husband and father who is like this,there are times when I get angry and snap at my children. This is a story of reflection, realizing that daily anger management is important for a happy marriage and a happy family.

Getting angry in a fit of rage

Sometimes, I get angry and speak in a harsh tone to my children over things that seem trivial when I look back on them.

What happened this morning.

Around 7:30 AM, my second son (3rd grade) was preparing his water bottle for school. While watching TV, he was trying to pour a drink into his water bottle by tilting a 2-liter plastic bottle. The spout of the plastic bottle, which no one was watching, was off the mouth of the water bottle, and the drink was pouring out onto the floor. My second son was so engrossed in the TV that he didn't notice.

'Hey, second son! It's spilling! Don't do that while watching TV!!'

My second son hurriedly aligned the spout with the water bottle. Perhaps he was scared because I suddenly yelled at him in a loud voice, he became teary-eyed and was trembling.

To that son,'That's not right! Wipe it up properly!!'I even said something that felt like adding insult to injury.

After that, it was time to go to school, and since I was working nearby today and had time, I pulled myself together and went to the entrance to say goodbye for the morning, but he said,
'I won't say goodbye to someone like you!!'
and shouted loudly before leaving for school.

My heart ached.

It was a reflex reaction because I was so surprised that the drink was spilling, butI am reflecting on the fact that I shouldn't have spoken in such a harsh tone.Also, I have a naturally sharp tongue. But that can't be helped. I should do something about my angry reactions.

Input! - Anger Management Super Introduction: Heart Training to Make 'Anger' Disappear

With that said,thinking about it calmly, I wondered if I am always unable to control my anger. Am I becoming a nasty father who yells over trivial things?

While reflecting, I looked up anger management. I skimmed through the book 'Anger Management Super Introduction: Heart Training to Make Anger Disappear.' Below are notes on things I want to remember.

• Anger is an emotion that humans are born with. It is important not to 'not get angry,' but to 'properly deal with anger and keep it under control.' Instead of lashing out with anger, what is important is 'conveying anger skillfully.'

• If you feel irritated, wait 6 seconds.If people have 6 seconds from the time anger is born, their reason will kick in. While slowly counting '1, 2, 3...', your feelings will gradually calm down. Take a deep breath or clear your mind and stop thinking.

• To control anger,have a scale for anger.When you feel irritated, quantify that emotion on a 10-point scale.

  • Level 0-1: Calm (no stress or irritation)

  • Level 2-3: Unpleasant (feeling irritated)

  • Level 4-6: Angry (it doesn't show on your face, but you feel considerable anger)

  • Level 7-9: On the verge of explosion (anger is appearing, and you are about to lose yourself)

  • Level 10: Maximum level (you can't stop trembling, etc., reaching an explosion)

• Objectify your feelings through recording. It is good to keep three types of logs (records) that help you look back on your anger and guide you toward happy feelings.

  • Anger Log to record anger: Accurately understand 'what you are frustrated about and to what extent.' Whenever you feel anger, write down the event and the intensity of the anger on the spot.

  • Should Log to review core beliefs: Behind the anger written in the Anger Log, there are hidden ways of thinking (core beliefs) such as 'I should,' 'I should not,' or 'It should be.' By noticing these core beliefs, you can see the cause of your anger.

  • Happy Log to record small happiness: Similar to the Anger Log, by noting down small moments of happiness as they happen, you can become more aware of your happiness.

Things to do after returning home

In terms of the Should Log, regarding this morning's incident, I implicitly held the belief that 'if you are pouring a drink from a plastic bottle into a water bottle, you should look at the water bottle so it doesn't spill.' I thought, how could you not do such a simple thing and spill your drink, what are you doing?

But for my son, there must have been something on TV that was so interesting he couldn't take his eyes off it. And since he had to go to school soon, he was probably rushing to prepare his water bottle and that's why it happened.

It was strange of me to get angry over a minor mistake that had absolutely no malicious intent. I must reflect deeply on this.

Things to do after returning home.

• When I get home, I will apologize to my second son for getting excessively angry

• Count to 6 seconds when something frustrating happens

• In the meantime, evaluate the level of anger and respond accordingly.Daily occurrences with children are at most a level 2. Looking at it objectively, I think my reaction to them had become equivalent to a level 4 or 5. I really am no good. I will fix this.

  • Level 1: Calm (no stress or irritation)

  • Level 2: Unpleasant (feeling irritated)

  • Level 3: Angry (not showing on my face, but feeling considerable anger)

  • Level 4: On the verge of exploding (anger is showing, and I am about to lose myself)

  • Level 5: Maximum (reaching an explosion, such as being unable to stop shaking)

• If I am unable to respond according to the level of anger, I will reflect on the reason. Anger Log & Should Log.

• Record small happinesses. Happy Log.

No matter how old you get, child-rearing is self-rearing.

To be continued
There was an event that made me want to record a Happy Log right away!