How I Learned to Accept Compliments Instead of Being Unable to Say 'Thank You' Honestly

I remembered that accepting compliments properly was very difficult for me in the past.

Nowadays, I think I say the word 'thank you' naturally and often, but in the past, I couldn't say it. Especially with family and close people, it was difficult.

I have become able to accept everything, and to say 'thank you' from the bottom of my heart.

I don't remember exactly how I acted toward strangers when I was very young, but from the time I could understand things, I think I was a child who could greet people properly by social standards. I was often praised, and since I hated being scolded, I think I was a child who could say 'Hello,' 'Goodbye,' 'Thank you,' and 'I'm sorry' with a full smile and a voice loud enough to be heard clearly.

Being the eldest of four siblings, I was a reliable and well-behaved child. Deep down, I tried not to let adults realize what I was thinking, and without showing any of my true feelings,

I would greet people and express my thanks with a smile.

Thinking back now, I don't know how many people truly accepted that as honest, or if some people could see the shadow behind it.

Also, even within the family, I would be scolded if I didn't use polite language properly, saying 'Yes' instead of 'Yeah,' and 'Thank you' instead of 'Thanks.'

My parents were beings I must never defy. They were scary figures.

Therefore, my state of mind was the exact opposite of being innocent or honest.

I think I must not have been very cute.

Looking back now, I think I was originally a very honest child who could be considerate of others and empathize with people's feelings, but

that behavior tended to be driven by fear, wanting to avoid being scolded, rather than anything else.

Even if I reached out to help someone honestly, another part of me would feel like, 'Ah, now I won't be scolded,' as if I were giving myself strange permission.

I think I formed a personality where being praised meant it was okay to exist.

Even when I said 'thank you' or 'good morning,' I was often scolded with, 'What's with that face!' so I remember gradually losing track of what kind of face I should make, and the words stopped coming out.

Other people wouldn't say things like that and would just smile back at me, so I was naturally able to maintain an honest attitude toward society.

Because of that, I gradually became unable to tell if I was acting to avoid being scolded, acting because I wanted to be praised, or acting because I wanted to do it myself.

I hated myself for thinking such things, and I would worry, 'What if I'm a terrible person?'—having a one-person reflection meeting and feeling self-loathing. But I couldn't let that be realized, so I was always fun, cheerful, and high-spirited.

And I wanted to be kind.

I think this way of thinking made me lose sight of what I even liked.
I will write about this in a separate article.

Whether an action comes from fear or from love
I had become unable to tell because fear had been planted in me.

After getting married, becoming independent, self-reliant, raising children, encountering healing, and not running away from facing myself,
as a result of changing various ways of thinking, acting, and being

I realized that I was actually acting out of love, not fear,
and I realized that was wonderful.

I have become someone who can honestly accept both gratitude and compliments.

In my 20s and 30s, while I was in the process of changing,
if someone complimented me, saying, 'That's lovely' (for example, about my clothes),
even though I should have just said thank you,
I would say, 'Oh, this was only X yen at a thrift store, it was cheap. But thank you.'

I feel like that was the kind of response I gave. It was unnecessary to use a sentence that included a word like 'but'.

For a while... the habit of underestimating myself continued, but
if you don't want to be that way and want to accept things honestly, things will change.
You can learn to start by simply saying thank you.
At first, it's okay if it feels a little ticklish.

Perhaps I was protecting myself by underestimating myself.

I am worthy of receiving it.
And it doesn't matter at all what anyone else thinks.
If I am happy, I say 'thank you.'
It is very simple.

Little by little, my reality has changed,
and recently there was another big, happy change. My eyesight had dropped to the point of near-blindness,
but it has gradually recovered, and this New Year, I was able to drive about 100 kilometers on the highway to go out.

Even though I thought it might be hopeless, because my eyesight has recovered,
my range of activities has expanded.

I'm so happy—it was the happiest event ever.
I still have my ups and downs about various things, but

even so, every single day, I think that today is the happiest day of my life.

If you are someone who struggles with receiving, it's okay.
Why not start little by little with 'thank you'?

For those who register for my official LINE account, I offer a healing session every Sunday at 7:00 PM.