Novel "Anpan and Gengetsu-yu" Episode 3 (4 episodes total)
Previous episodes
・Episode 1 is here
・Episode 2 is here
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Episode 3
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"Phew..."
Sitting on the veranda of the annex, looking up at the August evening sky, I took a bite of my anpan. After savoring the harmony of the sweet bean paste and soft bread, I took a long drink of cold bottled milk I’d bought at the front desk. This is it. This is the stuff. I closed my eyes, enjoying the trinity of the bean paste, bread, and milk spreading through my mouth. Ah, it’s seriously delicious. I’m glad to be alive.
It’s been nearly two months since I came to Gengetsu-yu. After interviews with Koyomi-san, Izumi-san, and Yamaguchi-san, I became a member of <Artist-in-Gengetsu-yu>. I set up my studio in Room 1 of the annex, and I spend my days going back and forth to my parents' house, which is about a 15-minute walk away. Since my company work is online now, the studio has become my office. Sometimes I even sleep in this room.
However, although I’ve found the seed of what I want to do—"to address social issues through art"—I still haven't decided on a concrete plan. Through discussions with Koyomi-san, the desire to learn more about gender issues and to engage with them more seriously has welled up in me, but there are inevitably limits to what I can do as an individual.
While I was thinking about this, I saw an article on social media about Heralbony collaborating with Daio Paper Corporation to sell sanitary products designed with Art Brut. While I felt happy, thinking, "That's Heralbony for you!", at the same time, a sense of loss washed over me, feeling like I’d been beaten to the punch.
"I wonder if there’s anything I can actually do..."
The insecurity leaked right out of my mouth. I just stared at the clouds floating in the late summer sunset. But, it can't be helped. I just have to keep stacking up what I can do. I looked at the anpan and took a big bite.
Click.
A dry shutter sound echoed. I looked around. It was Koyomi-san with her camera raised.
"Yuhei, you had such a good look on your face, I couldn't help but take a picture."
"What was that for, all of a sudden?"
Koyomi-san grinned and sat down next to me.
'Look, a good face. Don't you think?'
There I was, mouth wide open, biting into an anpan. I looked like a golden retriever devouring its food.
'What are you going to do with a photo of a middle-aged guy biting into an anpan?'
'Well, I'm thinking of putting it in a solo exhibition.'
'A solo exhibition? Yours, Koyomi-san?'
'Yes. I'm going to do it here, at Crescent Moon Bath.'
I was so surprised I almost dropped my anpan.
'You are? A solo exhibition at Crescent Moon Bath?'
'Yes, exactly. The others do it sometimes too, and I thought I'd give it a try.'
'I never imagined you'd hold a solo exhibition, Koyomi-san.'
'What's with that reaction?'
'No, it's just that I thought you were such a professional, I never expected you to hold an exhibition.'
It's true; every design project Koyomi-san has worked on has great taste and is highly regarded in the industry. Since coming to Crescent Moon Bath and getting to know her, I've been surprised countless times to find out that a design I admired was also hers. When I hear her talk, I can clearly see how, even after going freelance, she has steadily built up a career of good work while leveraging the connections she cultivated during her student and corporate days. Watching her, it's clear that what's needed for a freelancer isn't just high technical skill and taste, but also a good personality.
'I'm not that much of a workaholic. It's just that my hobby became my job, so the line between on and off might be a bit blurry.'
'Right now, as you're taking these photos, is this on or off?'
'I wonder which it is. Even I'm not sure. Yuhei, if you don't mind, could you be my model for a while?'
With that, Koyomi-san raised her camera. I gave a wry smile.
'I don't mind being your model, but then, Koyomi-san, please be my sounding board for my thoughts.'
'Sure. What theme should we talk about?'
'The theme is about my new work, please.'
'Okay. Yuhei, how is it? Has anything changed since you started coming to Crescent Moon Bath?'
I was stumped by Koyomi-san's question. What has changed within me over these past two months?
'When I first came to Crescent Moon Bath, didn't I talk to you a little about gender issues?'
'Yes.'
'That was the trigger, and I started thinking, isn't there something I can do? So I started studying gender issues. I began gathering information from books and the internet, and I opened a note account to start organizing my thoughts little by little.'
'That's amazing, Yuhei. You're steadily taking some really big steps.'
'Thank you. But the more I researched and studied, the more anxious I felt, wondering if there was really anything I could do. While I was feeling that way, I learned that Heralbony had collaborated with Daio Paper to design packaging for sanitary products.'
'Oh, I saw that too.'
'You did? Well, actually, I was incredibly happy that Heralbony released sanitary products, and I felt a mix of 'Yes!' and a sense of loneliness, thinking, 'Ah, they beat me to it...' I was wondering what I should do from here on out...'
'I see.'
Click. The sound of the shutter echoed in the backyard.
'Personally, I'm just really happy that you've started to think that way, Yuhei.'
'Is that so?'
'Yes. Because before you talked to me, you said you thought menstruation was a taboo subject, right?'
'Yes.'
That's right. My ex-girlfriend, whom I had considered marrying, always tried to hide the fact that she was on her period.
'And now, you're thinking about it properly as your own issue. I think that change is a very big deal.'
'I wonder if that's true.'
'Yes. First, you have to praise yourself for going from zero to one.'
'I see.'
It's true, I hadn't known anything until now. I hadn't consciously tried to think about my own gender or genders different from my own; I had just been receiving the information given to me. In that sense, I'm still like a baby.
'So, from zero to one, huh.'
'Exactly. And I think you're now entering the phase of going from one to ten.'
'The one-to-ten phase.'
'Yes. In every aspect, zero-to-one and one-to-ten are different, so maybe you need to understand that first. Isn't it the same for work, life, and building relationships?'
'That's certainly true.'
I look up at the sky. Click. The shutter sound echoes.
'But I don't think you have to aim for ten from the start. First, it's fine to just go from one to two. You don't have to try to create something big or perfect from the beginning.'
'I wonder if that's right.'
'Yes. Perhaps, since you're not the type who can work backward from the goal, you might stay motivated if you can confirm every day how much progress you've made from the start.'
'Ah, that's true. You really see right through me, Koyomi-san.'
'You're easy to read, Yuhei.'
A smile escapes me. Snap. The moment is captured.
“Don't you have a tendency to think that when it comes to work, you have to start something new, something big, something impressive, all at once?”
“...Yes.”
It was true. I had been reading interviews and books about entrepreneurs with spectacular careers and feeling inferior on my own. I might have been unconsciously thinking that there was no point in starting a new job unless I did something impressive.
“There are certainly times when that way of thinking is effective. But right now, isn't it a time to gather the pieces of your thinking?”
“Pieces of thinking?”
“Yes. Pieces to deeply cultivate your own thinking by seeing, hearing, reading, and learning more things. Yuhei, you've just started learning various things, but as you continue to learn from here on out, I think there will be moments where you'll be surprised, thinking, 'Oh, this and that are connected in a place like this!'”
“I see.”
“So, for now, I think it's better to value input. Instead of being desperate about having to pioneer a new job, I think it's fine to take it easy and spend about a year on input. I have a feeling that for you, Yuhei, output will naturally start to emerge while you're taking in input.”
“Hmm.”
“How about choosing a stance where you sow seeds for the future at the appropriate time while continuing your current job? Also, having savings for the future makes you feel very secure when the time comes to actually make a move.”
Hearing Konomi-san's words, the scales fell from my eyes. I had been convinced that when trying to start something new, everything had to be new. I had even been thinking about whether to quit my current company.
“So it's okay to transition to something new slowly.”
“Of course. Cultivating your foundation little by little while gradually shifting your center of gravity is very important for a creator who continues to create new things. Actually, I also spent time and energy when I became independent from my previous company.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes. When I first became independent, there were quite a few clients who gave me work through connections from my previous company. I still value those customers now.”
“I'm glad I could talk to Konomi-san now. If I hadn't talked to you, I would have only been thinking about how to quit my company.”
“...Because it's you, Yuhei, I actually thought you might be thinking that way.”
Konomi-san grinned.
“Once you make up your mind, you're straightforward and honest, Yuhei. That's also a good point.”
“Thank you.”
“But it's better to think about important things slowly, stack up what you can do as you are now, and proceed from afar. Prepare thoroughly and wait until the time comes when you can move. And when that time comes, move without hesitation.”
Konomi-san said that while looking straight into my eyes. I nodded too. Konomi-san's eyes softened. Then, she peered into the camera screen.
“Oh, I got a good shot. Thank you, Yuhei. As a thank you, I'll treat you to anpan next time.”
“Please include milk too.”
Konomi-san stood up laughing and gave a thumbs up. I watched the back of Konomi-san as she walked away briskly.
Konomi-san's solo exhibition, 'Everyone's Love and Life,' was held at the Gengetsu-yu bathhouse gallery on the Wednesday and Thursday of early September. Thanks to Yamaguchi-san promoting it on social media, many people from far away gathered at Gengetsu-yu. Although it was held with entry restrictions, the faces of everyone after their bath looked equally happy.
I also met up with my college friend Kakeru for the first time in a while, and we decided to take a bath together.
“Yuhei, you're using this place as your studio now. It's a great public bath with a lot of atmosphere.”
“The bathhouse is great, but the people here are the best. Konomi Wakatsuki, who is holding the solo exhibition, is our senior, and I respect this person so much.”
While talking to Kakeru, I went through the noren curtain of the men's bath. And there, I saw a photo of myself laughing out loud with an anpan in one hand.
“Wow, it's Yuhei!”
Kakeru raised his voice happily. I stared at the sepia-toned photo. I make that kind of expression when I laugh. I feel a sense of freshness as I face the version of myself from the day I talked with Konomi-san. While hiding my embarrassment, I got naked, washed my body, and soaked in the bathtub.
“Konomi-san really loves people, doesn't she?”
Soaking in the bathtub surrounded by sepia-toned photos, Kakeru muttered.
"The photos displayed here, everyone has such a good expression. That means everyone has opened their hearts to you, Koyomi-san."
"I see, now that you mention it."
From the first time I met Koyomi-san, I thought what an open-minded person she was. Because she is that kind of person, everyone feels safe opening their hearts to her.
"Yuhei, you said you wanted to address social issues through art, right?"
"Yeah. Recently, I've been digging deep into gender issues and studying them."
"Seeing your Twitter posts, I thought that might be the case. I think I might be starting to think about similar things, albeit a bit differently, triggered by your posts, Yuhei."
"Is that so? You too, Kakeru?"
"In my case, I had been vaguely thinking about whether I could take some kind of action regarding the Palestinian issue. But the problem is just too big, and I felt powerless, so I had given up, thinking there was nothing I could do. But you know, by you posting every day, I got courage, and I started to think about whether I could do something concrete too."
"Kakeru, that's amazing."
Kakeru smiled shyly, scooped up some hot water, and washed his face.
"Maybe it's just me, but I think there are quite a few creators like us who want to do what they can about social issues. It would be great if we could expand the circle of solidarity among such creators, even if just a little."
Hearing Kakeru's words, a flash of inspiration ran through me.
"Kakeru, you said something great."
"Huh?"
"Why don't we recruit supporters and hold a group exhibition? Here, at this Gengetsu-yu."
Kakeru's eyes widened. A smile spread across his face.
"That would be a wonderful thing...!"
I stared at the photo on the wall of the bathtub, the smiling face of a regular old man. Thanks to Koyomi-san, a fire has been lit in our hearts as well. What kind of space can we create here?
When we got out of the bath, barely waiting to dry ourselves off, Kakeru and I rushed over to Yamaguchi-san at the front desk.
"Yamaguchi-san, can we hold a group exhibition here too?"
(To be continued)
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The continuation of the story
・Episode 4 (Final Episode) is here