A casual conversation about Dutch education with my elite Indian landlord and some reflections

It has been five months since I moved to Amsterdam, the Netherlands.
Every day I think, 'Oh, I want to write a note about this,' but because of the discomfort of my growing belly, I haven't been able to sit at my PC, and the days have just slipped by. So, I decided to just write and post this on my smartphone, even if it's a poorly written, short, and random piece.

Today, my partner, our daughter, and I went to visit the home of the owner of the apartment where we currently live.
The owner (the wife) is a quintessential elite Indian mom working at ING, and her husband, also Indian, is a super-elite who studied in the US and France and works at a wind power company. Their two sons, aged 9 and 12, attend the same Dutch international school (a public international school run by the Dutch government) as our daughter.

They welcomed us so happily when we moved in and had invited us to come over for tea, but we were both so busy that we couldn't find the time. Since we finally had some time and I wanted to return the souvenirs from Japan and the curtains they had provided that we no longer needed, we finally managed to coordinate our schedules to visit.
By the way, the image at the beginning is a commemorative photo taken when we moved in. You can tell they are good people. I had heard many stories about housing-related troubles in the area, so I feel very lucky to have such a good relationship with the owner.

The wife is incredibly positive and laughs heartily, and the husband is super friendly—they are truly, truly good people! After chatting for a while, I asked, 'By the way, how is the curriculum for the upper grades?''They don't study at all, and even though they are nine years old, they are still doing single-digit addition, which is shocking from an Indian perspective!'she said (laughs).
Well, that makes sense! While there are many wonderful aspects to the relaxed Dutch education, there are not a few Japanese moms who are concerned about it. Since Indians, who come from a mathematical powerhouse, study incredibly hard—far more than Japanese people—it's easy to imagine that they feel the 'relaxed' nature of it even more than we do. Besides, I haven't asked for details, but they both clearly look like super-elites, which makes it even more so.

I waited for their reaction, wondering what they thought...'It certainly took years to get used to it, but when I look around, many of the people who demonstrate leadership and rise to the top aren't necessarily that excellent at mathematics. I think it's better to cultivate the various other abilities needed to succeed in the coming era instead.'the husband said, easily putting it into words.

Regardless of nationality or race, many parents are obsessed with their own hardships, the way they were educated, and their past successes, trying to force their children down the same path or push them to get (high) academic credentials. It is amazing to be able to look to the future and encourage one's children to walk a different path than one's own... Above all, it carries a lot of weight coming from an Indian who has built the financial power to buy not only a new condo with a concierge in Amsterdam Zuidas, the most expensive area in Amsterdam, but also a detached house with a garden.

Among Japanese people,'Children raised as returnees or in international schools will have poor Japanese language skills and knowledge of Japan, and their English won't be native-level either, so it's half-baked and not good; they won't be able to work in Japan and will struggle.'This opinion is common, but that assumes working in Japan, for a Japanese company, as an employee, doesn't it? I personally think it would be better to think about what kind of education is needed to become a business person, entrepreneur, manager, investor, or capitalist who plays an active role on the world stage. I don't think the yen will become overwhelmingly strong or the Japanese economy will stand out globally in the next 10-20 years,and if I had to choose between 'an elite salaryman who can speak Japanese and earn yen' and 'a talent who can speak English + Japanese + 1-2 other languages and build businesses and assets that earn US dollars and euros,' I would choose the latter.Of course, there is a possibility that she won't become either! 😂

However, in reality, it is not an either-or choice. I believe that 'educating and raising children abroad' does not mean 'discarding or belittling one's identity or culture as a Japanese person,' and that the two can coexist.

It is true that I don't want her to conform to peer pressure like 'what the teacher says is absolute' or 'you must be the same as everyone else,' and I want her to live freely and confidently as herself. I'm sure that as a daughter who lives with that stance, there will be parts of her that won't fit into Japanese society. Especially if she is a girl.

I also feel that one-way lectures, just taking notes, and cramming are outdated. Butsince thinking skills require a certain amount of knowledge, I also think that mental arithmetic like multiplication tables, learning kanji and four-character idioms, and history are very important (I was bad at both kanji and history, and I was always retaking the weekly kanji tests in elementary school, so I regret it as an adult. When I read things like 'Dragon Zakura,' I think there are many good things about Japanese exam preparation as well.)

I think there are many things that need to change in Japanese school culture, butgreeting everyone properly, preparing school lunches together, cleaning, and even the 'stand, bow, sit' routine that I thought was just a hassle at the time—seeing an international school that doesn't have these things makes me feel that they were unconsciously contributing to building the foundation of being Japanese and I reaffirm the goodness of formal education that goes beyond just studying. Therefore, I want my daughter to attend a Japanese supplementary school on Saturdays starting from elementary school.

I truly think Japanese culture and education are wonderful. I want her to acquire traditional culture, color culture, sense of taste, and the unique sensibilities and perceptions of Japanese people, and since moving, I have felt the goodness of Japan even more keenly. That is why I try my best to make home-cooked meals centered on Japanese food at home, and I want to be diligent about passing on Japanese culture, chopstick manners, and education. Although I only have the bare minimum, I brought three paulownia boxes of my kimonos, yukatas, and the kimonos from my 7-year-old Shichi-Go-San and coming-of-age ceremony. I have been doing calligraphy since I was five and brought a lot of calligraphy tools, so I would like to run a calligraphy class here as well.

I think the values that make me 'want to cherish education' were strongly influenced by my parents, my grandmother who lived with us, kindergarten entrance exams, and the girls' school I attended from childhood through high school. Although I disliked it at the time, I now think it has become an intangible asset in my life. I often think, 'Aren't kindergarten and elementary school entrance exams child abuse? Isn't it anachronistic?' I myself took the kindergarten entrance exams thoroughly at Jack, so (precisely because of that) I hadn't included it as an option for my daughter at all, but in the sense of being able to learn greetings, the Japanese seasons, and table manners, maybe the entrance exams weren't so bad.

I have been a big fan of Jiro Shirasu for a long time, and when I read books by Sadako Ogata or stories about old diplomats, I am charmed by how good the people of the past were at balancing their education as Japanese people with an international sense and foreign language skills. We are just ordinary people, but I hope she can grow up to be a person of 'Japanese spirit and Western learning,' and I want to be that way myself.

Well, that is a parent's wish, in a sense an ego, and in the end, it is the children themselves who decide. When she grows up, she might say, 'Mom, why did you go abroad? I wanted to stay in Japan.'
The education that we in our 30s and 40s received, and even the content that children are currently receiving in formal education, might be outdated by the time they enter society. Because it is an era of high change and uncertainty, I think the best thing I can do as a parent is to help her grow into a person with a strong axis, confidence, and the power to make decisions in her own life. If you discipline or cram too much education from a very young age, you will impair the child's will and freedom, and self-efficacy and self-esteem will not grow, becoming a lifelong shackle. (I have felt this keenly after working in the women's empowerment business for seven years.)
In that sense, I think the Dutch (broadly defined) education, where the whole society values children's opinions, freedom, and human rights, is a very good environment. (Though I am fed up with the bad food, sloppy medical care, and bad weather! lol)

I thought this feeling was because I was Japanese, but when I was reading this book, American and British moms felt exactly the same way. I thought, 'I see, the more people have received intensive education in countries that have prioritized economic power over individual happiness, the more they are fascinated by the Netherlands.' Since it is paradoxical, no one knows whether it is good or not until the child is finished, and it is not as if Dutch education is all good. I think it would be good if each person could aim for their own best way of being and become a 'good global citizen' while selecting the good points of education from various countries and cultures.