Analyze 'Give' and 'Take' to Improve Your Relationships

Would you say you have high self-esteem, or low self-esteem?

If you feel that yours is high, this article might not be very helpful to you.

However, if you feel it is low, you might find some points that resonate with you, so I would appreciate it if you read on.

Unexpected reactions lower self-esteem

Isn't the main reason for a drop in self-esteem related to 'human relationships'?

When you are rejected by someone or cannot feel that you are being useful, your self-esteem tends to drop.

Actually, I receive a great many consultations about this very thing.

However, when I look closely at the details, I find that in most cases, it is a 'misunderstanding.' You might think that only you are being rejected or that you are not being useful, but in reality, the other person may be thinking something completely different.

Looking at the content of Give and Take

So, how should you actually view your relationships?

Here, let's try thinking by separating your words and actions (Give) from the actual reaction you receive from the other person (Take).

For example, suppose you think, 'I spoke to them (Give), but they gave me a suspicious look (Take), so I thought they hated me.'

Originally, you were expecting a 'favorable reaction (Take)' from the other person, but because a 'suspicious look' was returned, you felt that you were hated.

Because of that, you think, 'I am hated.'
I make people feel uncomfortable.
I am a disgusting person.

Thinking this way lowers your self-esteem.

However, the truth might be that the other person was thinking, 'I don't have time right now, and I don't have the capacity to deal with this. But they are talking to me with a big smile, so I feel bad about turning them down,' and they were 'making a troubled face' because they were at a loss for words.

In other words, what you perceived as 'a suspicious face = being hated' was actually just them 'making a troubled face = feeling sorry that they couldn't engage with you.'

Despite that, you felt you were hated and lowered your self-esteem.

If the other person was feeling 'sorry' and you had understood that, wouldn't you have been able to avoid lowering your self-esteem?

While this is just one example, it is actually very common for the other person to have felt something completely different.

You feel anxious because you cannot see what is inside the other person's mind.

Ultimately, the fact that you are 'misunderstanding' things because you cannot see into the other person's mind is a major factor in lowering your self-esteem.

So, what should you do?

The quickest way is to 'check with the other person'.

You might think, 'That's obvious.'

However, in reality,there are a great many people who lower their own 'self-esteem' by 'misunderstanding' things without checking.

If it is someone you cannot check with, another method is to swap places with the other person and look at the Give and Take from their perspective.

Up until now, you have viewed the actions you took toward the other person as Give, and the reaction you received as Take, but by flipping yourself and the other person, you can imagine the content of each other's Give and Take.

By doing this, you will be able to view Give and Take from the other person's perspective, whereas before you could only see them from your own.

In this way, you can imagine how the other person is feeling.

Also, by swapping places with the other person, the perspective you see changes completely.

For example, if you swap places with your boss in a sales setting and look at each other's Give and Take, you might see that while you previously thought, 'Surely selling this much is enough,' once you swap with your boss, you might realize they are thinking, 'The team's total sales are still not enough. The other staff members have no prospects. This person is the only one with potential. So I need them to try just a little bit harder.'

This is a practical way to implement the adage, 'Put yourself in the other person's shoes.'

By swapping places with the other person and looking at each other's Give and Take, you can truly begin to think from the other person's perspective.

Summary

What do you think?
We have considered the reasons why human relationships can lower self-esteem.

To summarize the above points:

What do you think?

By looking at your own Give and Take, you can sometimes see your true relationships. I encourage everyone to try analyzing your own Give and Take.

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