I wish someone had taught me how to manage money.

I never thought that managing money was something you had to be taught by someone else.

If you buy something, your money decreases.

If you work, you get a paycheck.

If it runs out, you just work again.

My younger self genuinely thought that way.

But I was wrong.

Money wasn't just something to "spend, run out of, and earn again."

How to use it.

What to use it for.

Should I use it now?

Or should I save it for my future self?

As a result of living without thinking about any of that, I am now left with a large debt.

When I first started working, my parents managed my money for me.

At the time, I thought that was normal.

I lived within a set allowance, and if I ran out, I just had to go without.

Thinking back, maybe that was for the best.

If I had been managing my own money since back then.

If, instead of thinking, "I got paid, so I'll buy what I want,"

I had been able to think, "How should I use this money to make things easier for my future self?"

Maybe I wouldn't have ended up with this debt.

Maybe I could have saved money, too.

Maybe I could have actually bought those sneakers I wanted instead of just looking at them online.

Maybe I could have even gone on trips.

Maybe my life would have turned out differently.

When I think about that, I feel regret.

Sometimes I wish I could start over from my first year of working.

I want to go back to my younger self and tell them,

"Money isn't infinite."

"Don't just buy everything because you want it."

"Save at least a little bit."

"Don't spend in a way that will make your future self suffer."

But no matter how much I regret it, time doesn't turn back.

I can't go back to my first year of working.

The money I spent won't come back either.

And right now, I don't have anything I can proudly say is "going perfectly."

I have debt.

I have no breathing room.

I don't have a life where I can freely buy what I like.

I often have to go without things that people around me enjoy as a matter of course.

Honestly, I wish I had realized it sooner.

I wish I had been more responsible.

That's what I think.

But recently, my way of thinking has changed a little.

Regretting the past is different from being trapped by it.

If my way of using money until now was wrong, I can just change it from here on out.

If I've built up debt, I can just pay it off.

The time I lost won't come back.

But there's no need to lose the time ahead of me, too.

I can't start over from my first year of working.

But,

I, who made the biggest mistakes with money after starting my career, can start changing from today.

I have nothing right now.

There are days when I think that.

But it's not like I truly have nothing.

I have the experience of failure.

I have the experience of regret.

And now, I am able to think about re-evaluating how I use my money.

That alone makes me a little different from my past self.

I don't want to repeat the same mistakes.

When I finish paying off my debt,

I want to be someone who can think not just,

"It's finally over,"

but also,

"From here on, I'll be a person who can use money properly."

I want to be someone who can use past failures to improve my future life, rather than living a life of constantly blaming my past self.

If only I had been taught how to use money sooner.

I'm sure I'll keep thinking about those "what ifs."

But I can't change the past anymore.

So this time,

I have no choice but to teach myself how to use money from now on.

I can't go back to my first year of working.

But I can change things starting today.

Thinking that, I want to start over from here once more.