My 20s end in 10 days. I am in the middle of a full-blown quarter-life crisis.

I realized my 20s were coming to an end soon, so I finally mustered the energy to start writing this note. Heave-ho.

I will turn 30 on May 26th.
I plan to work on the day itself, and in the evening, I will host my own birthday party at the social apartment where I currently live. I even ordered a cake! I'm going to do it in style.

It's just a milestone, but it's still a milestone.

A year ago, or maybe even 10 months ago, things were going well in many ways. It was mostly work, but I changed jobs, built a career in HR, and even got a small raise. I was also blessed with great colleagues.

But now, in many ways, I'm struggling to keep my balance—whoa, whoa, whoa!!—and since I'm in the middle of a full-blown quarter-life crisis, I'd like to take this opportunity to look back on my 20s and reflect a little.

How did my 20s even start?

Looking back at my camera roll, it seems that in 2015 I wasgoing to a prep school to get my high school equivalency certificate.So it seems.

I am a woman with a confusing educational background, having been enrolled in a comprehensive high school from 2011 to 2016 while barely attending. By the end of May, when I had my birthday, I had dropped out of high school and was attending prep school to study for exams. I had planned to take all nine subjects in one go in August, so I feel like I worked pretty hard.

I remember that prep school was exciting because I met 'friends with different backgrounds but the same goals' that were different from anyone I had met before. It was also during my prep school days that I first went on a trip with friends.

After that, I passed my university entrance exams and became a university student in April 2016 (just barely while I was still 20).

Starting university at 20. The theory that I was the only one who cared about my age.

That was how it was, so I was two years older than the other students who entered right after high school. Honestly, at first, I was super worried about it. But, surprisingly, there were others who had taken a gap year, and nobody really remembered who was older. It was a student life where I experienced firsthand that people don't really care about age like that.

From the second half of my second year, I belonged to a serious seminar, so the second half of my university life was spent entirely onliving through completion and endurance...!
Since I hadn't been able to have a proper student life until high school,I wanted to at least finish university properly.There was also the circumstance that otherwise I would only have a middle school education (whispering).

I remember telling myself every day, 'I'm at a point where I need to push myself! Fight!'

I wonder how my close friends from my department and my seminar peers are doing—we barely keep in touch now. If you're reading this, please get in touch!

And then I entered the unprecedented period of thriving fan activities.

Also, this was the time when I made so many friends through my fandoms!When I was a university student, I often met up with fan friends I had interacted with on social media, became close with them, and hung out afterwards. I have two former fan friends who are the same age as me; our paths in life are different, but I respect them and still love them today. We support each other's lives through Instagram stories.

I often went to concerts for Arashi, Gen Hoshino, and Ikimonogakari, and the experience of going to live shows during this era is still a precious source of energy in my life today.

Started working at 23. Various things I encountered because it was during the COVID-19 pandemic

I started working as a recruiter for an internet advertising agency as a new graduate in April 2020, but it was the year COVID started spreading...I think the first time I went to the office was just before summer. It was a shocking start to my professional life, having to just endure it through remote work. Honestly, there are really no photos from this period.

In 2021, I witnessed a transitional period where two seniors on my team went on maternity leave and returned from childcare leave, and my boss later told me, "You've grown!" I still had to work remotely at times, and it was a time when I felt like I had no choice but to stand up and move forward on my own.I guess that's what that period was.

At 27, I took my first leave of absence after dedicating myself too much to the company. That's when my job-hopping life began.

At my first company, I experienced a major event—a management integration—from the perspective of HR, and although I tried my best, I ended up taking a leave of absence in January of my second year. It was scary and sad to leave the company I loved and the work I had been chasing after.

And then, it was late February when I was about to return from my leave. I was told my contract with the company was ending.

Actually, for my first company as a new graduate, I had joined as a contract employee due to certain circumstances. Just as I could see my return to work, I received the heartless announcement that "you'll be unemployed in a month!" and for the first time in my life, I witnessed the absurdity of society.

Even now, I still like the company enough to check their press releases and owned media on my own, but I guess it was a one-sided love. There are things in this world that you just can't do anything about. It was a time when I learned that "effort is not always rewarded."

I desperately job-hunted and managed to switch to another company as a full-time HR employee in April without any gap, but then I caught COVID for the first time about three months after joining that company. The aftereffects were serious, and since it was a company that required full-time office attendance, I actually quit my second job after six months.

And then in the autumn of 2022, at 27, I finally arrived at my previous job.

The time I spent at my previous job until the spring of my 29th year was my youth and a treasure.

I was at my previous job for about a year and a half. I feel like I was there longer, but it was surprisingly short. I feel like that was the first time I was able to have a "youth" experience as a working adult.

There was a colleague who joined the same department on the same day🐢
I think I was able to have self-esteem and a sense of fulfillment because I was paired with her at work. Actually, she is the reason I found out about my current social apartment, so I am very grateful.

I made a big decision in the summer of my 29th year and became a freelancer. From then until now...

My previous job was so much fun, and I was surrounded by great people. But as I headed toward my 30s, I started to feel more and more that I didn't fit in with the company, so I resigned in the last summer of my 20s. Looking back now, I think my inner self had started to change around that time.

After resigning, I attended the Marble School, and I started my second career after getting a job as a writer while I was still a student.

It's still the same now, but there was something I decided when I left my previous job. That was “to no longer place my life inside my work.” To not work in a way that drains me or is unsustainable.

To keep this promise to myself, but also to survive, I am still living while struggling through it all.

By the way, as of May 16, 2025, my work looks like this ↓
*All of these are contract-based, so I'm still a freelancer!

• Freelance HR

• Recruitment PR

• Community PR

• Organizational Development at an IT startup

Even though I'm extremely shy, have an 'I' personality type on the MBTI, and love being alone, I chose to interact with people and do this work of my own free will.

So, what am I worried about right now?

To be honest, I've been feeling down by default lately. It's tough. Every day I get angry and cry by myself, and I feel despair. It's really hard...

When I tried to think of the reason myself, what came to mind was, maybe I finally have the mental space to face my own emotions since I started living as a freelancer? Until now, while in an organization, I lived with the attitude of 'never mind my own feelings.' And since becoming a company employee, I haven't been able to find a 'favorite' (or a boyfriend).

Right now, facing my own instability is incredibly painful and anxiety-inducing, and there are times when things just don't get resolved. Even so, I don't regret this way of living.I don't know why, but that's the one thing I can say.

...Truth be told, I wanted to leave my worries and bad luck in my 20s and move on to my 30s, but life doesn't work out that well. It looks like I'll be jumping into the next decade carrying my worldly desires and plenty of worries. Alright, I won't run away.

Lastly: Something I realized while writing this note

Looking back through my camera roll, what I realized was that there were so many photos of birthday celebrations.It's not something to take for granted; it's amazing.

I always live with this inner feeling of "I'm just a single woman anyway!" but I've made it this far because I've been loved by so many people.I keenly feel that although I thought I was looking at those around me, I wasn't really seeing them. In my 30s, I will cherish myself and those around me more.

The residents of the social apartment where I live are also very kind, and they have really helped me out lately. There have been changes in our relationships, and even though there are times when I find interacting with people painful, I still want to connect with others—that is how strongly I feel as my 20s come to an end.

Everyone, please keep looking after me! And thank you for reading these 3500 characters!