Don't laugh at how someone wipes their poop, hey

My mother came home huffing and puffing.
Her footsteps were strangely dignified. Whether she was angry or something else, she was definitely radiating an aura like a flame.

“I got so mad that I just brought him home with me!”

Even though she said she was mad, her face looked like a mischievous child's. Behind my mother, my father, sitting in his wheelchair, smiled in a troubled way.

“The doctors will be here later. Help me out.”
My mother is usually brisk, but this time she was even more sharp and efficient. Without being able to grasp the situation at all, I just helped clear out the first-floor bedroom. While moving my hands, I asked my mother for an explanation.

“They said there was nothing more they could do. That he only had two or three days left. They said let's put him to sleep with strong medicine, so I just blurted out, 'I'm taking him home!' So, that's why I'm going to look after Dad at home.”
It was a whisper so Dad wouldn't hear, but her tone was strong, as if to say she wouldn't accept any objections.

“Dad likes being at home, doesn't he?”
After that, an electric bed, home oxygen equipment, and various other medical devices were brought into the house. The doctor and nurse also arrived, and only the important things were discussed in the living room.

“Please do not call 119. Their job is to save lives.”

The oxygen concentration in Dad's bedroom became high, and the air felt strangely clear and pure.
“The air is so good, I want to smoke a cigarette.”
Because Dad laughed, my brother and I both replied, “I get it.”
When I asked, “What happens if you smoke?”, my brother threatened me, saying, “Boom! It’ll explode.” For some reason, that made me want to smoke even more.

Normally, there would have been a tropical fish tank next to Dad's bed, but a few days ago, my son accidentally overfed them and they died.

“Don't die before me.”
Dad looked sadder than when he was told his own life expectancy.

My sister's family also arrived, and once the whole family was together, Dad suddenly became energetic. He ate jelly, smoked a cigarette, and played with his grandchildren. “What, you're fine! We came all this way!” we all laughed, and that was our last conversation.

◇

The visiting doctor said that his hearing would be the last thing to go, so the family gathered in the bedroom to spend some time together. The oxygen concentration was at its maximum, but there was no smell of disinfectant.

“Dad's way of wiping his poop is unique, isn't it?”
I don't know who started it, but someone brought up the topic that Dad's way of wiping his butt was strange. From there, for some reason, everyone hit a mysterious funny bone, and we were all laughing so hard we were crying, imitating how Dad wiped his poop.

“Hey, are you listening? Isn't that awful? Don't laugh at how someone wipes their poop, hey?”

If this had been a hospital, people would have frowned at what an irreverent family we were.

◇

The nurse came for her final task. For some reason, she was crying more than any of the family members.
“Were you all able to talk to him?”
When asked that, I couldn't possibly say that a few hours ago we were laughing our heads off about how he wiped his poop. I caught my brother and sister's eyes and we smiled faintly.

◇

“I'm hungry.”
“What should we eat?”
“How about sushi?”
“...Doesn't that feel like a celebration?”
“That's not true. Let's just eat what we want to eat.”

We gathered around sushi in a room where the oxygen, medical equipment, and all the switches had been turned off. If only the tropical fish were still alive, the bubbling sound and their movements would be in the corner of my vision. In front of me, there was only filleted fish.

I actually intended to say things like 'thank you' or 'I'm sorry,' just like in a drama, but not a single one of those words came out. Would I have been able to say them if we were in a hospital? A prepared stage has lines that fit it. But since we were in our house, which was just as it always was, perhaps none of us could find the right lines to suit the setting.

I intend to say the lines I failed to tell my father that day directly to him someday. When that time comes, I must apologize and say, 'I'm sorry for laughing at how you wipe your poop.'

#WhatAreWeTalkingAboutHome