The Importance of Not Comparing

Good morning.
Today, I would like to talk about something I felt during an interaction with my family.
I hope this will be encouraging to those who are working hard in similar situations.

No matter how much love there is in a family, there are times when hearts drift apart, aren't there?
The other day, there was a moment when my husband said to me, 'Mother (referring to me), you are the only one taking it easy.'

Honestly, that remark was a huge shock.
I felt like I was doing my best every day to support my family, so my heart ached, and I thought, 'Why do I have to be told something like that?'

However, right then, I took a deep breath to avoid becoming emotional and calmly conveyed this:
'I don't think we should compare ourselves to each other. We are both doing our best to help each other with what we can, so there is no point in discussing who has it harder. Everyone is working hard.'

Of course, I had many internal conflicts before I could say that.

After all, I also had the urge to say, 'I'm having a hard time too!'

Here are my inner feelings ⬇️

Even though I am scared and bad at driving, I have been working hard at it for nearly three years now, spending three to four hours every morning and evening for pickups, no matter how exhausted I feel.

Because he says he 'doesn't know' how to do things,
I have managed to handle everything from necessary daily procedures and preparations to making arrangements, struggling and asking questions along the way.
I also manage our finances and budget with various creative efforts.

I do so many invisible, detailed things every day while my head is completely full.
All of this is because,
including myself, it is for the sake of the whole family, so I am able to keep going.
I am definitely not taking it easy!
It is incredibly hard.
I am making an effort to act as cheerful as possible so as not to show that.





But even if I said that here now,
it would only lead to an argument.
I thought it would surely just make us both more emotional, create a terrible atmosphere, and only make things more painful.
My husband's physical strength is declining year by year, and he gets tired easily,
so I think his work outside is truly heavy labor, especially since it is hot in the summer
and cold in the winter.
Therefore, for the past few years, I have been trying to make sure to tell him that I am grateful for him working hard at his difficult job.

Within a family, someone may harbor dissatisfaction.
That might be because each other's efforts are hard to see, or because fatigue and stress have built up.

And sometimes, that dissatisfaction accidentally comes out as harsh words.
Especially in a position like ours, where we support the family while also dealing with our own health and life anxieties, a small remark can hit the heart hard, can't it?
It is very painful, isn't it?

Families are actually all working hard, aren't they?
In their own positions, each is doing what they can.

But sometimes that hard work isn't visible in a 'tangible' way, and sometimes it isn't conveyed to anyone.
Even so, I don't think there is any need to 'compare' it.

Of course, there are days when you can't just 'not let it bother you' so easily.

I also get depressed, thinking 'Why would they think of me that way?' or sometimes I want to distance myself a little.
At times like that, I step away for a bit, watch my parakeets play, and heal my heart.

When I become calm, I think that my husband must also have hardships that I don't understand.
He is so full of his own issues
that it is probably impossible for him to think about me too.

And I think that if I have even a little room in myself to notice that hardship, we might be able to move in a better direction as a family.

But sometimes we are both having a bad day.
That is just unavoidable.
I just wait for rest and
time to solve it.


I don't think we need to be perfect within a family.

In fact, I think that if you demand perfection too much, it might just become more suffocating.

Rather than that, I feel that simple mutual support—'doing what I can within my current capacity' and 'getting help with the parts I can't do'—is enough.

So, if you ever feel like you are not being recognized for your hard work or that you want to be understood more within your family, I hope you will first avoid blaming yourself and instead comfort yourself by saying, 'I am doing my best in my own way.'

And when you have a little more room, try looking at the other person's feelings as well.
If you do that, the relationship might soften little by little.

To everyone who works hard while supporting their family every day, thank you for your hard work.
It is okay not to compare.
Someone is surely watching you work hard, and above all, you yourself know that effort best.
Please, be proud of that hard work.
(I am telling myself this too!)

My husband later apologized, saying, 'I went a bit too far earlier.'
I also said to him regarding what he did for me, 'Father (referring to my husband), thank you.'
That day, the matter was settled.
All is well that ends well.


Let's both move forward little by little, without pushing ourselves too hard.