Manga "Ikoku Nikki" | "I don't know if I can love you," yet she took in the daughter of the sister she hated

I will try to write this without too many spoilers.
If you are interested, I highly recommend you read it.

The Encounter

How did I first encounter it? I'm at an age where I thought I was done with stories about young boys and girls, so I was looking for manga featuring adult women as protagonists when I happened to come across it. After reading the synopsis, I bought all the volumes that were out. I had heard the name of the author, Tomoko Yamashita, in the context of drama adaptations, but this was my first time reading her work.

After Reading

I started reading it because it was described as "a story about a socially anxious novelist and her sister's orphaned daughter living together," but I was completely captivated by the scene early in the first volume where the socially anxious novelist (hereafter "Makio") snaps at the people around her at her sister's funeral, saying to her sister's orphan (hereafter "Asa"), "I don't know if I can love you! But still...!"
I have never lost my parents, and I don't know how Asa feels. However, Makio's attitude of sincerely sending words to Asa's feelings and situation appeared incredibly attractive to me. No one had ever faced me so sincerely as a human being before, and perhaps it is because I myself enjoy putting things into words.
Without a moment's hesitation, I bought all 11 volumes in print.

Finished Reading All Volumes

After finishing the final volume, I spent days reading it over and over again. Since the story progresses mainly in colloquial language, it was a bit difficult for me to understand at first. However, the more I chewed on it, the deeper it tasted, and I made many new discoveries. (I think I've read it about 20 times now.) (And I read it twice more to write this article.)
Although our circumstances are not similar, I found many things in common between Makio and myself. Social anxiety, finding it hard to be alone, inability to tidy up, being close to having a developmental disorder, and so on. And there were things I admired. Makio has a strong sense of self and holds her own opinions firmly. She is the exact opposite of me, who was dominated by a strong mother and had my own thoughts taken away.
I also found things to empathize with in Asa. She is unsure of what she wants to do, cannot find her own individuality, and is lonely. Asa is a high school student, a sensitive time of life and also a time to decide on a career path. She worries about her differences from those around her, worries about her bond with her parents, and worries about her own talents... she is full of worries. These are things she must decide for herself, but the parents who would normally be her greatest support are no longer there. What will be Asa's support... I wonder.

The Minorities Who Appear

In this work, with one exception, minorities appear here and there, though it is not explicitly stated. I will refrain from mentioning them directly because I want you to read it and notice them for yourself, but as a social and sexual minority, I feel a strong sense of relief that they appear so naturally.

Interwoven Feminism and Departure from Homosociality

I am currently studying feminism, so my view might be wrong, but I think this work is about "human independence," "human rights," and "love" (especially for women). Both the adult Makio and the high schooler Asa aim for their own independence. The aforementioned "snap at the funeral" was, at its core, a story about human rights. Both adults and children are imperfect, yet each builds themselves up. And this includes the story of a girl who, in the process of creating herself, hits the human rights issue of "sexism" and has her heart broken.

Volume 7 of this work contains a story about "breaking free from masculinity" that I would especially like men and male students to read. It is a story about breaking free from so-called homosocial peer pressure and social structures, and if there is anyone right nowwho feels crushed by the pressure to be masculineI think this story will be a salvation for them.

About "Love"

This work delves very deeply into "love." Familial love, heterosexual love, homosexual love, love between total strangers, and so on.
Was it the clinical psychologist Sayoko Shida who said, "If the recipient feels pain, then affection becomes domination (paraphrased)"? The line in the manga that personally resonated with me the most is as follows.

What overlapped with this character was the fact that I myself was supposed to have been loved by my mother, but I couldn't accept that love. After receiving counseling, I finally realized when I was nearly 30 that "mother's love = domination." After that, I worried for a while that "it's my fault for failing to accept my mother's love, I'm an unwanted child," but I was saved by the aforementioned words that "even if you are not loved, your value does not waver."

Conclusion

After reading this work, I, who was raised to be a "good child" while being oppressed by those around me, finally realized at the age of 30 that "it's okay to be angry." I had been indoctrinated since childhood that expressing anger was immature, but I am finally being released from that curse. The reason is that Makio and the other characters have a strong sense of human rights and self, and they question the world and get angry. Being angry is what the vulnerable are worst at, but at the same time, it is the most important thing to avoid having one's existence rendered invisible. For me, this work wasa signal fire for the revolution that "it's okay to be angry"And I have taken it upon myself to use this work as a "textbook for drawing boundaries between self and others." Boundaries are also called boundary lines, which are

It is about that. I reread it to see the strength and weakness of the characters, and the clashes that occur when boundaries are crossed, and I am reminded, "That's right, we have our own territory and rights," which helps me re-examine the weakness of my own boundaries between myself and others.

It was a masterpiece that made me think that now that I am an adult, it is time to think deeply again about "independence," "human rights," and "love," for the sake of young people in the future, and above all, for my own sake.
I would highly recommend this to students as well, as I think they will be able to empathize with the worries unique to adolescence that Asa and those around her face. I think it will especially resonate with those who are struggling with their relationships with their parents or classmates.

Postscript:

For those who are interested in the manga "Ikoku Nikki," I also highly recommend the manga "Gene Bride" (4 volumes in total) by Hitomi Takano. This is perfect for understanding the everyday hell that women see, soI especially hope that menwill pick it up.

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