A Spring Without Graduation: The Wind-Blown Literature Club
Around the time the cherry blossoms bloomed, Mom's words echoed.
"You're a middle schooler now, so why don't you stop being so obsessed with anime?"
I felt the sound of that exasperated voice snapping a nerve deep inside my head.
Me: "...What are you talking about, old hag?"
It was a low voice I had never heard myself use before.
"Don't you dare cut off my treasures on your own..."
Mom stood frozen, as if shocked by that voice and my foul language.
"If you want me to stop... then you should stop being my mother."
I think that was a line I shouldn't have crossed.
But to protect the things that were precious to me, I said it firmly.
"It's about time you graduated from being a helicopter parent."
I don't want to be controlled.
I don't want anyone crossing my line.
I will not do as Mom says.
Mom turned her back to me.
Her back was trembling quietly.
I felt a little guilt and anger.
Mom was the one who started the fight and tried to take away my precious things, so it's unfair for her to cry.
I might have said something terrible.
But Mom said something terrible, too.
I turn my back and open the front door.
The sound of the door closing echoed as if it were shutting the door to my own heart.
Tears overflowed.
Things that had been precious and sparkling until yesterday felt like they were losing their color, as if I were doing something wrong.
“...Why do you need to put a stop to it...!”
I ran through the row of cherry trees while crying.
I cried a lot, and stopped many times to blow my nose.
The warm spring breeze stroked my hair as if to comfort me.
Inside my bag, my favorite anime character is smiling cheerfully.
I have been supported by this smile.
You watched me buy all sorts of merchandise and smiled, but... was there an expiration date on it?
That made me sad all over again, and I cried.
“I’m sorry!!”
A loud voice came from behind me.
When I turned around, Mom was standing there, out of breath and with her face a mess from crying.
“I spoke too lightly, just stating generalities...!”
“I never intended to hurt you... or take anything away from you...!”
Mom approached me while crying.
“I acted like I knew better... I’m so sorrrry!”
Seeing Mom break down in tears even more emotionally than I was, I began to regain my composure.
Me: "Calm down... Mom."
Mom leaned her weight on me as if to embrace me.
"I was so worried... I didn't know what I'd do if you didn't come back~"
"If I had to be called 'old lady' forever like this... it would be too painful~"
I patted Mom's back.
Me: "...I'm coming home, obviously."
Mom hugged me desperately as I gave a wry smile.
"I'm so glad~"
Petals danced on the breeze.
It seemed Mom, too, was being comforted by the spring wind.
"...I'm sorry. Having something you love is such a wonderful thing..."
Her voice from over my shoulder was warm.
"What's wrong with chasing after what you love, anyway..."
Me: "Yeah..."
"It's okay now."
Mom looked at my face.
"...I don't want to graduate from you yet, Mom."
"I want to keep watching you grow from here on out."
"Even if it's annoying."
Mom said the latter part as if she were pouting.
Me: "Yeah... you don't have to graduate yet."
With eyes swollen from crying, we laugh together.
I will not graduate from the things I love, nor from my daughter.
If that is to become my hope for living, then I have no need for such sentimental reflections.
The spring when we declared we would not graduate beneath the cherry blossom tree—
Thank you for reading. This work is participating in a project by the Kazemakase Literature Club.
Afterword
The other day, my young daughter smiled and called me a "nagging old lady."
It is still cute for now, but perhaps the day will come when I am called an "old hag."
When that time comes, even if we both cry, I hope we can rebuild our relationship once again.