It's not 'coming over,' it's 'coming home' | How we live as a family with a partner who doesn't live with us

Hello!
I'm nemu, a lesbian single mother🌱

Today,
I'm writing about our 'usual daily life'.

In our home,
we have a partner who lives separately.

But,
the feeling is,
not 'coming over,' but

'coming home.'

⸻

The person who flies home every week

She
gets on a plane every week,
and comes home to our house.

The frequency is once a week.
It's really,
just like someone working away from home.

It's not a special event.
It's not an anniversary either.
It's just,
'the day she comes home again this week.'

⸻

'Welcome home' comes naturally

Late on Friday night,
the front door opens,
and the outside air gently enters the house.

'Welcome home'

Saying that,
doesn't feel strange at all anymore.

Even though we don't live together,
it has become a part of our life.

It's mysterious, but
very natural.

The person who 'thinks together' about parenting

She
is not just someone who comes to stay over.

She accompanies me
to the children's doctor appointments.

If there's an event,
we enjoy it together.

We eat meals together,
I tell her about what happened that day,
and I ask her, 'What do you think about that?'
to consult her about parenting.

The decision-making power is mine, but
I'm not the only one doing the thinking.

Just that alone,
saves me in many ways.
⸻

We don't live together, but we are a family

We
don't live together.

But,
she isn't completely an 'outsider' either.

To the children,
she is
'Mom's partner.'

Not a father or a mother.
But,
she is definitely a part of the family.

⸻

A sense of distance like working away from home

Because we don't live together, there are things we can protect.
The children's daily rhythm.

My work.
My partner's work.
My partner's life as it has been.
And,

the mental space for each of us.
Because we aren't too close,

we don't break.
Because we are apart,

we can properly cherish each other.
⸻

When she comes home, the house gets a little livelier

When my partner comes home,
the house gets just a little bit livelier.

There's more food,
more laundry,
and a little more laughter.

And then,
another week begins.

The quiet house after she leaves

After my partner leaves,
the house returns,
to its usual quietness.

It's a little bit,
unsatisfying,
but this is fine too.

Including this feeling,
this current form
is just right for us.

⸻

I don't know when, but

The day we live together
might come,
or it might not.

For now,
I want to cherish
'the current form'.

As lovers,
as parents,
so that neither of us has to push ourselves too hard.

⸻

This is our current 'just right'.

I don't know if this arrangement
will last forever.
Even if we don't live together,
there is a place to come home to.

There is nothing special about it.
It's just that,
even though we don't live together,
we are raising our child together.
We think together and walk through life together.

I believe that,
in itself, is enough.

—

There is nothing special about it.
It's just that today, too,
my partner
came home.

That's all there is to it.🌱

Even without living together,
we truly have a relationship where we feel like we are 'living together'.

For you,
what are the moments
when you feel like 'we are a family'?