The Reason You're Not Popular Is That You Lack Sufficient Volume

You send likes to 20 people and get no response. That is to be expected.

“I sent likes to 100 people on a matching app, but I didn't match with anyone.”

I often receive consultations like this.

The person is genuinely worried.
Is my profile bad? Is my photo bad?
Or is my own value not enough?

My answer is usually one thing.
You simply lack an overwhelming amount of volume.

I once worked as a therapist for women for three years, dealing directly with over 1,000 women.
During that time, I saw both the men's struggles and the reality of the women's side.
That is why I can say this with certainty.

It is natural that a man who gives up after 100 people sees no results.
It is not a lack of technique or a lack of value.
It is just that the absolute volume is insufficient.

5 out of 5 people versus 5 out of 100 people. The difficulty level is on a completely different scale.

Let's look at the numbers simply.

Getting all 5 out of 5 people to repeat.
This is almost impossible.
Everyone's types must match, you must provide perfect service to everyone, and everyone must continue to engage.
This is tough even for a veteran therapist.

Getting 5 out of 100 people to repeat.
This is achievable with average effort.
Out of 100 people, some are naturally compatible.
Some will continue with just a little consideration from you.
The figure of 5% is actually easy.

It is the same “5 people repeating.”
But the difficulty of achieving it is vastly different.

The more a man tries to win over everyone with a small number, the less he wins.
This is the same for both romance and sales.

If you look at the market numbers, the premise of volume is obvious.

When you look at the numbers, it becomes even clearer.

In the matching app market, the top 20% of men monopolize 80% of women's interest.
The Gini coefficient (an indicator of inequality) is 0.58.
In terms of income disparity, this is at the level of some of the most unequal countries in the world.

The average man only receives a “like” from 1 in 115 people.

In other words, women are screening at a level where they look at dozens of men a day and decide whether or not to choose one from among them.

The gender ratio is 5:1 on some apps.
There is data showing that on one major app in the Kanto region, 64% of men have “50 likes or less.”

Given this, “sending likes to 20 people and getting no response” isnatural.

Statistically, you're only at a level where you'd be lucky to match with one person.
To begin with, statistically, you stop sending likes at a number that won't yield a return, and give up, saying, 'I'm just not popular.'

Conversely, you only start to see a feel for things after sending likes to 1,000 to 2,000 people.
These are the real numbers.

The simple reason why men who don't play the numbers game can't win

Here, I'll talk about the psychology of men.

There is a common trap for men who try to win with a small number of attempts.
Desperation seeps into every interaction.

Men who think, 'If I miss out on this person, there won't be a next time,' have stiff expressions.
They spend too much time replying to LINE messages.
They are nervous during dates because they can't afford to fail.

That gets conveyed to the woman.
An aura of 'This guy is kind of desperate' emerges.
From there, it makes her think there won't be a next time.

Conversely, men who have numbers are different.

They have the composure of knowing, 'Even if this person doesn't work out, there's someone else.'
Their LINE replies are relaxed.
Even if they fail on a date, they don't dwell on it.

That composure is conveyed to the other person as an atmosphere.
They feel, 'This guy is composed,' or 'He's treating me with care.'

Numbers are not about being sloppy, but about creating composure.

I have experienced this many times over the three years I've been meeting 1,000 people.

The 'one-shot' therapist vs. the 'frequent repeater' therapist

Here, I want to share a story I saw during my time as a therapist.
This is a structure that applies directly to men's dating lives as well.

Among therapists, there are those who are the so-called 'one-shot' type.
One customer spends hundreds of thousands, sometimes millions of yen a month.
At first glance, the sales look impressive.

But that state is actually fragile.

The moment that customer cuts ties, the sales drop to zero.
That's why their mental state is worn down day by day.
They become dominated by the thought, 'I must not lose this person.'

When that happens, they can no longer provide the natural service they were originally capable of.

They try too hard.
They overcompensate.
Their sense of distance becomes strange.

Ironically, that desperation is what drives the customer away.

On the other hand, therapists who have many repeat customers are different.

If one person is missing, it doesn't hurt much.
Looking at the whole, there is stable revenue.
That is why a sense of mental ease is naturally created.

That ease also reflects in the service provided to each individual customer.
“Polite but light.”
“Caring but not pushy.”
As a result, repeat visits continue to pile up.

Of course, the skill of a therapist who can land a client on the first try is amazing.
I acknowledge that.
But the ones who can work for a long time without burning out are the therapists who have the “number” of repeat clients.

Dating has the exact same structure.

A man who focuses only on one person he likes will see everything collapse the moment that person leaves.
He is dominated by the thought, “I must not lose this person.”

That is why he becomes desperate.
He loses his sense of ease.

A man without ease will eventually be abandoned even by the person he likes most.

A man who has numbers is different.
Even if he has someone he likes, he can interact with ease.
Because he has ease, he can treat the person he likes with care.

It is ironic, but only a man who has numbers can truly cherish the person he likes most.

This is different from the saying, “Even a blind squirrel finds a nut.”

I want to clear up a misunderstanding here.

When I say “go for volume,” people always ask, “Does that mean just throwing darts in the dark?” but it is completely different.

There are three meanings to going for volume itself.

1. Your eye for choosing develops
As you meet 30 or 50 people, you start to understand, “There are many women like this,” or “This type of person suits me.”
This is something a man who does not go for volume will never see.

2. Nervousness disappears
The nervousness you feel toward the first woman is completely different from the nervousness toward the 30th.
Because you have volume, you can interact naturally.
And you start to get used to it.

3. Failure turns into mere experience
A man who has volume does not get depressed by a single failure.
He can switch gears by saying, “We just weren't a match this time.”

On the other hand, a man who does not have volume will completely reject himself, saying “I am no good” after one failure.
After all, it is harder to succeed on the first try anyway.

What I saw after interacting with 1,000 people

There is something I have seen after interacting with over 1,000 women over the past three years.

Only the men who put in the volume were the ones who won in the end.

Men who say "I want results right away" and give up as a therapist immediately will stay in the same place forever.
Therapists who put in the volume, pile up failures, and gain experience will be like different people after three years.

This is something that can never be created with technique.
It is something that is only born from the time spent putting in the volume..

What you should do starting today

To those who have read this far.
I will provide some concrete numerical guidelines.

• Matching apps: Like 1,000 to 2,000 people and only then will you start to see the market.

• Number of people you actually meet: 30 to 50 people and you will understand that "there are many women like this."

• Daily pace: If you can meet 8 to 10 people a month in the evenings after work, that's 60 people in half a year.

These are numbers that cannot be an excuse for not taking action.

"I'm busy," "I don't have money," "I live in the countryside."
None of these are excuses to reduce your volume.
Go out for a meal with people you know, take a three-day trip to Tokyo, broaden the age range of the people you meet.
There are countless ways to do it.

"The reason you aren't popular is simply that you lack overwhelming volume."

This is the simple answer from someone with the experience of serving 1,000 people over three years.
Before you buy techniques, I want you to put in the volume first.

Because you have numbers, your eye for choosing develops.
Because you have numbers, composure is born.
Because you have numbers, you can win in the end.

Thank you for reading to the end.
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On this account, I write about female psychology seen from the front lines of 1,000 sessions over three years, and the way men should be, calculated backward from that.
If you follow, I can regularly deliver stories about popularity based on the true feelings of women. If you have any worries, send me a DM.

Sakura | Translator of Female Psychology