What Can I Do?

Two months have passed since I started working two days a week.
I have my own classes to teach, of course, but I also have free time, during which I walk around and observe various classrooms.

Our school has many special needs classes, and while I am in charge of supporting the emotional support classes, there are times when the intellectual support classes are having a harder time.

In those cases, I step in to help the intellectual support classes.
One day, a child who had run out of the classroom was wandering around.
That child needs individual support, but since they seemed short-handed at the time, I decided to stay with him.

When I observed him and spoke to him, he said, as if venting to himself, "Everyone is always just getting angry."
I thought to myself that it was true he gets scolded often.
He cannot participate in group activities at all.
He wanders around.
He cannot interact with others.

Because of that, I had assumed he didn't speak much either.
But those were the first words he spoke to me.
I don't know if he was setting up a defensive line because he thought I had approached him to scold him, or if he thought it was okay to say that to me.
I'm not sure about that, but after that, I made sure not to scold him at all, and instead tried to act alongside him to understand his characteristics as much as possible.

It didn't go well at first, so I thought I would at least try to get him back to the classroom, and I was searching for what kind of approach would be effective.
When I asked, "What's for lunch today? What do you like, K-chan?", he replied, "Bread."
When I encouraged him by saying, "I see. You like bread. Is it bread today? Shall we go look at the school lunch menu?", he was finally able to return to the classroom.

I knew he could sit properly and eat lunch by himself, and that he could clean up, so I knew he had those daily habits, but I finished supporting him thinking that I had found one thing he liked and that the topic of "school lunch" was something I could use.

Then, at lunchtime.
Even though I had never seen him interact with anyone at all, he came over to me on his own.
It didn't feel like he had any particular business with me, but he must have decided that it was okay to approach me.

I was happy.
He didn't say anything, but...
Oh, I'm not hated.
I thought.
I can talk to him and interact with him from now on.
That's what I thought.

Then, another day, I entered a classroom to help a child from a different class with their studies.
Then, I saw a boy walking around the classroom in circles.
When I asked,
"What's wrong?"
He said,
"I got scolded again."
with a face that looked like he was about to cry.
I just said, "It's okay," to him.
I comforted him and he calmed down for the moment.

When a child says, "I got scolded,"
the teacher scolds them again, saying, "That's because you did something that deserves to be scolded," and that cycle keeps repeating.

I understand well that the teachers are scolding them for the sake of the children.
However, I think the child who was scolded doesn't really understand why they were scolded, and only the unpleasant feeling of being scolded remains.

The teacher explains it in words to make them understand, but I think the child probably doesn't understand the meaning.
The teacher is angry.
I am being scolded.
I feel like they are only seeing the teacher's scary expression.

That said, if the teacher says nothing or just warns them gently, the behavior won't be corrected.

And the teacher isn't just dealing with that one child; they have to move the class forward and look after the other children as well.
Since there are children who listen when scolded, I think they do it because it's the fastest and most rational approach.

And,
"Is that really okay?"
I always ask myself.

Children listen because they are scared.
They try to avoid being scolded at all costs.
But children cannot act if they don't properly understand what we are saying.
If you scold them for "not listening" without checking if the child understands, I think they will surely do the same thing again next time.

But the teachers who are guiding them are also quite overwhelmed, and I don't think they have much leeway.
Children listen to what veteran, scary teachers say, so I wonder if the young teachers are aiming for that.

But is that a good thing for the children?
They might be able to do what they are told.
But even if you force them to do it, will they really learn it?
Has the goal become to raise children who just quietly listen to what they are told?
Is it not necessary to cultivate the ability to think for themselves?
Is it not necessary to nurture that child's individuality?
I spend my time thinking about such things.

In the midst of all this, what can I do?
In my two days of work a week.
What I can do might be limited.

But there is one thing I am trying to do.
That is, to communicate no matter what.

Communication not only with the children, but also with the adults—that is, the teachers.
I want to try to improve this somehow.

Fortunately, I have been able to communicate with the head teacher.
And also with one of the young female teachers.

For the male teacher who just joined this year, I try to create opportunities to talk by sharing my school lunch rice or bread with him every time.

By communicating in that way, I can convey my thoughts and have them watch my interactions with the children.

I don't know if my way is good or not.
But I believe there are ways to convey things to children by connecting with them without scolding.
I hope that this will gradually be conveyed to the other teachers.

Of course, there are situations where you have to scold, and I believe it is important to provide proper guidance in those cases.

It certainly takes time.
But I want to make sure I don't come to dislike interacting with the children.
I want to be able to find the children endearing.
I want to work while cherishing those feelings.

Having written this much,
I realized, albeit a bit late, that by writing here on this note, I am organizing what I can do,
and what I want to do from here on out.
I've realized that I am sorting out these kinds of things.

When I first started writing this note, I wrote as if I were venting what I wanted to say without being conscious of who might read it, but now that I know there are people reading, I think I have started to write while being conscious of how I should phrase things to those people and what words I should use to convey my message.

When I do that, I find myself questioning myself, and I think I have become able to organize my thoughts.
I am not good at choosing words, and there are many times when I cannot write sentences that I am satisfied with, but I feel that this is who I am right now, so it cannot be helped, and I ask for your forgiveness.

I have somehow strayed from the topic, but I am truly grateful that there are people who read my work.

Also, every time you include my work in a magazine or leave a comment, I am incredibly happy 😭

I am truly filled with regret that I have not been able to properly thank you for including my work in your magazines, but once again, thank you so much 😭🙇‍♀️💕

It is not a given that people are reading my work.
Thinking that, I would like to continue writing from here on out.

Thank you for reading until the end.