In Parenting, Do You Accept the Child? Or Yourself? A Story About Finding Peace in Being an Imperfect Mom

Hello, this is Saeru Kokoro.

In the past, I was always frustrated with myself because I would set high goals for myself even though I couldn't get my childcare or housework done the way I wanted.

I was constantly blaming myself, thinking, "I'm a terrible mother no matter what I do."

Actually, I had been studying parenting to try and solve this problem.

I started because I wanted to improve my days, which were filled with childcare and housework that never went as planned. But even after studying hard, I couldn't do things the way I was taught.

I really am just an incompetent mom who can't do anything right.
I was talking to Gemini about these feelings.

Then, one day, I realized that the parenting I was studying might have been intended to help me accept my child.


While trying hard to accept your child, you might find joy or a sense of accomplishment in their growth and changes. However, if the mother herself lacks self-esteem or emotional space, trying to accept the child can lead to exhaustion or feelings of being forced to do things.

That's right.I had neither self-esteem nor emotional space.
No matter how hard I tried to accept my child, and even if my child grew, I could only think,What have I actually accomplished?that was all I could think.

But once I became able to accept myself,
when my child honestly said, "I want to do this" or "I want to eat this,"
I found that I could respond calmly
more often.

It might be far from my ideal of parenting.
But I intend to be mindful of both accepting my child and accepting myself, within the limits of what I can do.

Thank you for reading until the end.
Next time, please let me talk about how I am trying to accept myself.

If you have any opinions or questions, please feel free to let me know in the comments section.

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May your heart, as you do your best today, be wrapped in a gentle, warm embrace.