Hey, what are you working so hard for?

In all my experiences so far, I haven't really tried working hard for my own sake. I've spent so much time putting myself second just to make someone else happy. I think that's probably because I wanted to be seen as a "good person" in someone else's eyes.

By playing the role of a "good person," I create an environment that is easier for me to live in. Since an uncomfortable environment is unpleasant and makes me want to escape, I've been making others happy to keep trouble from coming my way.

That said, I feel like I can work harder when it's "for someone else," and it's a fact that I've actually been able to work hard that way until now. Any effort always comes back around to benefit me in the end, but there's no doubt that doing it "for someone else" has always generated much more power than usual.

"Who do you work hard for?"

Family, friends, a lover. The target changes from time to time, but the reason for working hard has always been someone else. It's never been for my own sake. I've worked hard to make the person in front of me happy, and to be comforted with a "you worked hard."

Did I find my own value by working hard for someone else? There was a time when I blamed myself, thinking, "What a pathetic person I am." But I changed my way of thinking and started to believe that being able to work hard for someone else is a wonderful thing.

Right now, I don't have a "working hard for someone else." I certainly have a strong desire to "make someone smile through my writing," but it's not for any specific person. I can't really work hard for an unspecified number of people.

I have always only been able to work hard "for someone special."

Yes, I am a person who cannot work hard for myself. It was only recently that I realized I have always been dependent on someone. That is exactly why I want to become a person who can work hard for myself, and I must become that person.

If I resolve the issues I'm facing now, will I be able to see a new landscape?

To grow and evolve even further than I am now, I have to work hard for myself. I can't deny that thinking "I have to work hard" means I've lost sight of my purpose, but that's just about the right level for a first step.

It makes me laugh that I'm telling myself such plausible excuses, as that's just like me.

The thought of "for someone else" always crosses my mind.

But if things stay this way, it surely won't be good, so I have to change.

Let's learn to work hard not for someone else, but "for myself."