Could I really have an adjustment disorder...!?

It is a Wednesday afternoon, and I am looking outside with a somewhat floaty feeling, still unable to believe it. I never knew that a day, which usually flies by in a flurry of meetings and document creation, could feel so long.

It started last weekend. My mind and body, which I had been forcing to keep going, finally screamed and exploded 🤯. There must have been countless situations that were much harder than this, but with so many things piling up, my HP suddenly hit zero.

Days of not being able to shake off fatigue and not being able to sleep had been continuing, but I thought I was managing to get through work and daily life somehow. However, I just couldn't work. My concentration wouldn't last, and if an email came in while I was working and I thought, 'Oh, I have to do this,' and did something else, I would completely forget about the work I was doing just a moment ago. When I write it down like this, I realize it's strange, but at the time, even though I felt something was off, I had the impression that I was working properly. Then, a certain event acted as a trigger, and my heart just snapped.

The reality is that even if your heart breaks, the game isn't over. I felt nauseous, had a headache, and felt dizzy, but I managed to finish the minimum work I had to do that day, fed my children dinner, gave them a bath... and somehow got through my daily life.

However, I had to put pajamas on my children after their bath, but I didn't have the energy to chase them around as I usually do. I thought I would just lie down on the sofa for a bit, but my body felt glued to it, and I couldn't get back up. I couldn't even move my arms, and while holding my second son's pajamas, I cried.
Just when I thought everything was over, my husband came home at the perfect time! (I had messaged him before the bath saying it was really bad, so he canceled his work). He found me unable to move and crying, and while he knew it was serious, it was so shocking that he actually laughed, saying, 'You're kidding, right? Really??' (I get it, when things go beyond what your brain can process, you laugh for some reason, right?), but he really saved me.

I've seen stories in interviews with professionals like, 'I was working overtime every day, and then one morning I couldn't get up,' or heard friends who took leave due to overwork say, 'My left hand stopped moving,' and I was a bit skeptical, thinking, 'Oh come on, aren't you exaggerating?' But as if I were paralyzed (though I've never been), I really, truly couldn't move, and I apologized to them in my heart while crying.

My husband tried to make me stand, but there was no strength in my legs, and I ended up collapsing. I panicked, thinking, 'What is happening to me!?' and started hyperventilating.
I managed to move to the bed, but then intense convulsions followed. I panicked, thinking, 'You've got to be kidding, what is this!' My husband also panicked, saying, 'Should I call an ambulance!?' (Don't call an ambulance for hyperventilation!)

My breathing and convulsions finally stabilized, and although I tried to sleep, I couldn't at all. I killed time by sending sheep stamps to my husband throughout the night, and I greeted the morning with only two hours of sleep. (I had only slept three hours the day before, so I even wondered if I was a short sleeper! But that is definitely not the case.)

The next day, after dropping off the children, I was accompanied by my husband to visit a psychosomatic clinic for the first time in my life.
I was diagnosed with 'adjustment disorder' and told I needed one month of recuperation.

Honestly, I had thought, 'Taking leave is shameful,' 'I'd rather quit than take time off,' and 'What face will I have when I return after causing everyone trouble?' so I tried to push back, saying, 'Taking time off is a bit...' But the doctor said, 'Usually in these cases, we either monitor the situation while using medication or take leave. It's not common for a doctor to tell a patient to rest; it's normal to let the patient decide what they want to do, but in your case, you should rest. I know the hurdle for returning to work will be high, but you are already experiencing physical effects like insomnia, and if both you and those around you feel you aren't able to work, you should take a break. Also, you are not in a normal state right now, so you should not make life-altering decisions like resigning.' My husband also said, 'I think you should take a break,' so I received a medical certificate and a large amount of medicine (my husband and I couldn't help but laugh, asking, 'Do I really have to take all this?') and headed home.

While I was just lying down because I felt sluggish, I couldn't sleep as various thoughts swirled in my head, such as 'What should I tell my boss...', 'There will be a gap in my career...', and 'Am I a social misfit?', and I desperately searched for information on 'adjustment disorder' and 'taking leave'.

I tried to motivate myself, thinking, 'I've managed to get through it even when I felt sick or down before!!' but it didn't work at all. I remembered a trivial speech about how 'there are three slopes in life: the uphill slope, the downhill slope, and the
surprise slope,' and thought, 'I never imagined I would end up with an adjustment disorder...'