A Story About Wanting Companions
For as long as I can remember, I have been bad at relying on others.
I was also terrible at asking for help.
“Could you help me for a second?”
I just couldn't bring myself to say those words.
In fact,
“Are you okay?”
The moment I was asked that, I would reflexively answer like this:
“I'm fine!”
……
Even when I wasn't fine at all.
This “I'm fine” was no longer an expression of my will, but merely an automatic response system.
A man who completes everything alone
The old me used to think that
“relying on others equals losing.”
So I did everything myself.
I solved things myself.
I endured things myself.
I carried everything myself.
If I was in trouble, it was on me.
If I was tired, it was on me.
If I was struggling, it was on me.
It was as if I were playing the game of life with a self-imposed solo-play restriction.
Healing, attacking, defending—all by myself.
Of course, I would hit a wall somewhere.
But back then, I genuinely thought,
“I’m impressive for not bothering anyone.”
Looking back now, that wasn't strength,
it was just a talent for isolation.
A man who (supposedly) doesn't complain
I hardly ever complained to my family or my colleagues at work.
Sometimes people would say to me,
“RunMuscle-san, you don't seem to have any stress.”
That’s wrong.
I do.
I have plenty.
I just didn't let it out.
In fact, I wasn't even good at listening to other people's complaints back then.
“Saying that won't change anything, will it?”
“Why don't you just do it?”
That’s what I used to think.
I understand now.
Back then, I wasn't listening to people;
I was just playing a 'search for the right answer' game.But sometimes, what people really want isn't the right answer.
Sometimes,
“That must have been tough.”
Just those words can be a salvation.
I didn't know that.
Before I knew it, there was no one there
What was the result?
Before I knew it,
I was isolated.
No, to be precise,
I had chosen isolation myself.
I don't rely on others.
I don't show weakness.
I don't lean on anyone.
There aren't many people who would go out of their way to support someone like that.
It’s obvious.
Because the person himself keeps saying,
“I’m fine on my own.”
There’s no entry point to help.
And yet, in my heart, I was thinking,
“No one helps me.”
I understand now.
It wasn't that help didn't come.
I was the one who had shut out all help.
One day, I suddenly thought
I don't remember what triggered it.
It was truly sudden.
“Will I be happy if I keep getting older like this?”
That’s what I thought.
It wasn't like anything dramatic happened.
But for that one moment,
I felt that something was missing if I stayed the way I was.
So I decided.
I will change.
I realized I wanted companions
I started running.
I started strength training.
I started writing on note.
At first, it was all for myself.
But as I continued, I realized something.
What I really wanted,
wasn't the records or the results,
it was companions.
The old me
thought it was cool to work hard alone.
But now, it's a little different.
There are people I can laugh with.
There are people who support me.
I can support others too.
That is overwhelmingly more fun.
A world where “thank you” has increased
Strangely enough,
when your environment changes, your words change too.
It’s not that the old me didn't say “thank you.”
But I don't think it was as heartfelt as it is now.
Since I started note,
I receive comments.
I receive 'likes'.
I am encouraged.
I am made to laugh.
Each one of those things piles up,
and naturally,
“Thank you”
has increased.
And I realized.
The more you say thank you,
the more it comes back to you.
Like circulating energy.
Still remaining unfinished
That said, I am still not perfect.
I am not good at relying on others.
I am also not good at saying 'help me'.
The habit of shouldering everything alone still remains.
That is why every night, I reflect a little.
Was I kind to someone today?
Did I properly express my gratitude?
Did I move forward even a little more than yesterday?
The answer is always 'still a long way to go'.
But I think that is fine.
Finally
The old me used to think that
'working hard alone' was strength.
But now it is different.
Being able to rely on others.
Being able to say 'help me'.
Being able to say 'thank you'.
I think that is also a form of strength.
People can live alone.
But,
a life lived while laughing with someone
is surely richer.
I am still on the way.
I make mistakes, and I am stubborn.
Even so, little by little,
instead of being a 'Run Muscle who runs alone',
I want to become a 'Run Muscle who runs with everyone'.
That is the story for today.
May you all have a rich-hearted day today too♪
Have a great day♪
