The reason I pause every time I'm told I 'look young'

Hello everyone.
I am an HSP and anti-Todai-ism advocate, @GoodMorning.

I am often told that I 'look young'.
It might be a compliment.
But, to be honest, I have always found it strange.

Isn't 'looking young' a strange phrase?

Because it has a dual structure built into it from the start.
In other words,

• actual age

• age inferred from appearance

There is a premise that these two things are misaligned.

You don't usually tell someone in their 20s that they 'look young'.
That is because they look 'their age'.
When actual age and appearance age match,
there is no reason to bother putting it into words.

When you are told you 'look young',
this kind of judgment has already taken place.

In other words, this phrase
seems to praise your appearance while assuming your actual age.

So, what is that 'actual' age?

Age on your family register?
Age you write on a resume?
Or the 'impression' you get from someone's behavior and way of speaking?

I think it's probably the latter.

The moment people see someone,
they unconsciously create an image of their age,
thinking, 'This person is probably around this old.'

Composure
Choice of words
How fatigue shows through
A sense of ease or resignation

Synthesizing all of those things,
they assign a provisional agelike, 'This person is around X years old.'

When that provisional age and their appearance don't match,
people say, 'You look young'.

So this is not just about appearance.

'For your age, you still don't have that vibe yet.'

It feels as if that is what is being said.

And that feels, just a little bit, uncomfortable.

Behind the words "you look young" lies an implicit model of "how one should be once they get older."

A model that assumes one should be settled, rounded off, resigned, and having made compromises somewhere along the way.

People use the word "young" for those who deviate from that model.

But is that really "youth"?

It might simply be that the person has not yet let go of their sense of dissonance. It might just be that they haven't yet swallowed the world as "just the way things are."

If that is the case, then "you look young" is not only a compliment, but also a pointing out of a slight misalignment.

It is as if to say, you haven't crossed over to that side yet, have you?

Every time I am told I look young, I pause for a moment.

It is less of a joy and more of a confirmation that I am "still remaining on this side."

And perhaps, I don't want to completely let go of that misalignment.

Because I feel there is still room for thought within the dissonance that arises between age and appearance, rather than in a world where they perfectly align.