Why did I bully that child back then? The painful memory of being an aggressor.

Hello everyone.
I am @GoodMorning, an HSP and anti-University of Tokyo advocate.

At two in the morning, sometimes, quite suddenly, the image of myself from many years ago crosses my mind.

“Back then, I pretended not to see the hand that child reached out to me.”
“I joined in with others to laugh at a friend who made a clumsy mistake.”

Fragments of those young days, which I thought I had forgotten, suddenly surface in the darkness, taking on clear outlines. Even though no one is watching, I remember the look on my face at that time and the coldness of the air around me, and I feel so unbearable that I suddenly want to kick my blankets away.

Memories of bullying sometimes pierce your heart like a sharp pain.

Oh, why was I so immature back then? Why couldn't I have been kinder?

There are nights when I judge my past self with the person I am today.

But perhaps the reason you continue to blame your past self is that, even now, you wish more than anyone else not to hurt others.

Feeling your heart ache when you remember your past self, or wanting to squirm with embarrassment—these are quiet proofs that you have grown into an adult who can finally recognize the pain of others.

Back then, we were too immature to know how delicate the balance of the world really was. We were just desperate to get through the moment, and we couldn't see the heart of the person standing right next to us.

Therefore, perhaps there is no need to condemn what happened back then as “cruel.” It is enough to simply watch from a distance and think, “My past self was just doing their best to protect themselves.”

We live our lives, changing little by little, while causing trouble for others, hurting others, and being forgiven by others in turn.

The pain of having hurt someone in the past must have transformed into the “softness” that allows you, as you are now, to gently touch the wounds of others.

If you are lying awake tonight, facing memories of the past, please do not corner yourself.

Both the immature self from back then and the you who is feeling heart-wrenching pain right now are important parts of a life. Because even while we hurt one another, we can grow the kindness to care for others in proportion to those very wounds.

I hope that tonight, you can fall into a quiet sleep while holding onto that pain.

How was that?
@GoodMorning here.