I was just walking, following wherever I felt/ zust washing dishes (still drunk)/ I don’t want to sleep

I was just walking, following wherever I felt.

Surely I carry invisible uselessness with me.

Though space and time
should be far more abundant.

I still don’t know
the price I owe to the world.

Maybe it’s natural
to leave words unsaid,
but I don’t want to leave things undone.

It’s okay that I couldn’t speak,
but leaving things undone…
that feels wrong.

No one else notices, no one else understands,
but I know it,
and I won’t forget.

Is this suffering?
Is it sin?
Is it wrong?
I still can’t tell.
Only my head hurts again.

Everyone grows, ages, withers, and dies.
Maybe Van Gogh lived in a storm right up to the end,
always surrounded by the loud noise of the world.

What he made… were paintings.
Or maybe not.
Perhaps they were sculptures.

It’s okay that I couldn’t speak,
but leaving things undone…
that feels wrong.

No one else notices, no one else understands,
but I know it,
and I won’t forget.

Is this suffering?
Is it sin?
Is it wrong?
I still can’t tell.
Only my head hurts again.

I’m just washing dishes, still drunk.

Anywhere in the world,
it’d probably be the same.

Manchester or Liverpool,
Madrid or Miami…

Still, I’m here.

slowly Walking down the hall,
faster than the cannonball.

I don’t know.
I really don’t know.
I can’t explain.

Who am I?
Who are you?
Who are they?

Are humans the cheapest machines?
Are humans the cheapest machines?

How do you think
so it feels okay?
How do you erase it
so it feels okay?
How do you…

I’m just washing dishes, totally spaced out.

Anywhere in the world,
it’d probably be the same.

Newcastle upon Tyne or New York,
Yorkshin or Azkaban…

I don’t know.
I really don’t know.
I can’t explain.

Who am I?
Who are you?
Who are they?

I was given a shape.
I was given a gender.
I was given a name.

But I didn’t really understand.

Human.
As a human.
As a human…

I'm just up for being seen as me.
And what happened on that boat, right,
is we got, had a few drinks and that's because
I like drinking. And I love it. I'm into it.

「Come on, it’s time for bed now.
Put your toys away.”」

“I don’t want to.”

「“All your friends are already asleep.
If you don’t sleep too, you won’t wake up in the morning.”」

“I don’t want to.
I don’t want to sleep.”

「“That’s not allowed.
Now then, which futon would you like?
You can sleep in any one you want.
Any empty futon is fine.”」

“I don’t want to.
I don’t want any of them.
I don’t want to sleep.
They’re all too hard. I hate them.”

「“Everyone else is sleeping properly—
why do you say things like that?”」

“I don’t want to.
I want to stay awake.”

「“Everyone has been asleep for a long time already.
When they wake up, you won’t be able to.”」

“I don’t want to.
I don’t want to sleep.
I can hear everyone groaning.
I don’t want to. I want to keep playing.
I want to stay awake.”

「“That’s not permitted.
Someday you’ll regret this.
You’ll start screaming,
and then you’ll die.
You’ll jump into that river
and never come back up.”」

“That’s fine.
If I’m going to fall asleep,
I’d rather be dead.”