Why Problematic Child Behavior Increases | How to Interact at Home to Prevent "Mislearning"

Why does a child's problematic behavior continue?

When a child

・cries and screams
・makes strong demands
・yells loudly

and repeats these behaviors,

"Why does this behavior keep happening?"

you may find yourself wondering.

If it doesn't change no matter how many times you warn them,

"Are they being selfish?"
"Are they just a child who won't listen?"

you might even feel that way.

However, in reality,

in the background of such behavior,

mislearning

may be occurring.

What is mislearning?

Mislearning is when,

in response to undesirable words or actions,

adults unconsciously

・pay attention to them
・end up rewarding them

as a result,

that behavior becomes established

refers to.

In other words,

for a child,

"If I do that behavior, something good will happen"

is a state where they have learned this.

Common examples of mislearning

For example,

suppose a child at a store

"Buy this for me!"

wants a toy.

Even if you initially

"I'm not buying it today"

tell them that,

if the child keeps crying,

and you worry about what others think,

finally

"Okay, just for today"

you might end up buying it.

At this moment, inside the child,

the following learning occurs.

Crying and screaming
↓
Getting what they want

In other words,

"If I cry, my wish will be granted"

This is the learning that becomes established.

This is not something adults intended to teach.

However, as a result,

problematic behavior can be reinforced

at times.

Adults tend to focus on 'problematic behavior'

We tend to

pay attention to problematic behavior.

For example,

・When they make a loud noise
・When they don't follow the rules
・When trouble occurs

In situations like these,

adults react immediately.

However,

when a child is

・Waiting quietly
・Following the rules
・Behaving calmly

there are times when

we surprisingly do not speak to them.

In other words,

from the child's perspective,

problematic behavior is more likely to get attention

—a situation like this can sometimes arise.

Focusing on desirable behavior

What is important when supporting a child is

not to focus only on problematic behavior, but

to consciously focus on desirable behavior

.

For example,

・When they were able to wait quietly
・When they were able to express a request in words
・When they were able to act calmly

do not miss that moment,

and it is important to say things like
"You were able to wait""You were able to communicate that properly"

.

If you continue to interact in this way,

the child will

learn what kind of behavior is acknowledged

.

Behavior changes through "attention"

A child's behavior is,

It can change depending on the adult's reaction.

If you only focus on problematic behavior,

that behavior may become stronger.

On the other hand,

if you focus on desirable behavior,

that behavior may increase.

In other words,

the way adults interact

has the power to shape a child's behavior.

It possesses that power.

Mislearning is when,

in response to undesirable words or actions,

an adult unconsciously pays attention to them,

or ends up reinforcing them as a result,

causing that behavior to become established.

However,

a child's behavior

can change depending on how you interact with them.

Instead of only looking at problematic behavior,

consciously turn your attention to desirable behavior.

Those small, consistent efforts

will gradually guide
your child's behavior in a positive direction.

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In conclusion

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