Don't set your expectations for dialogue too high!
Every time I communicate with people, I find myself riding an emotional roller coaster. At such times, looking back at the root of my own "disappointment" can lead to some realizations.
Why do I feel "disappointed"?
Why is it that we feel "disappointed" during everyday communication? From my perspective, it's because the quality of the conversation didn't meet my expectations. I thought we could have had a better exchange.
On the other hand, what does it look like from the other person's perspective? If I openly show my "disappointment," they might have picked up on it. If so, they might feel disappointed themselves, or even feel like they've done something wrong.
I was expecting "good communication." Then, due to some factor on my side (e.g., the other person's story was boring, or we weren't on the same page), I ended up feeling "disappointed."
In this state, did I actually get what I wanted when I started the conversation?
This surprising situation is everywhere in daily life
The more we hold onto excessive expectations that "this kind of good relationship or good situation should exist," the higher the hurdle for dialogue becomes, and the higher the probability that it won't be reached. This obvious fact is all around us, often without being noticed.
Let's take an example. I intended to say something that would resonate with the other person, but their reaction was lackluster. Because of such a simple thing, my confidence begins to waver, I start to get irritated, and I even begin to blame the other person, thinking, "Why don't they understand what I'm saying?"
The starting point for everything is the expectation I placed on the other person that was higher than necessary. The negative emotions I am feeling are not the responsibility of the other person's shortcomings, but stem from my own assumptions.
Focusing on understanding the other person
First, try focusing on understanding the other person. I might have been excited when starting the dialogue. But what about the other person? I try to imagine what they are expecting and at what level.
I might be the only one expecting something from this dialogue. The other person's expectations might be much lower than mine. The opposite situation could also occur. I might not be expecting anything at all from the dialogue with the other person, but they might be expecting a great deal.
By knowing the other person's expectations in this way, it seems possible to prevent both parties from ending up "disappointed" at the end of the dialogue.
Don't deny proactive efforts
It may sound contradictory, but making proactive efforts to make the dialogue a good one by aligning with your own expectations or the other person's expectations should not be denied.
However, the moment you think, "This expectation should be met" because of that effort, the atmosphere in the dialogue becomes heavy. By thinking calmly that "expectations are just expectations," a relaxed atmosphere will naturally flow.
Trying various things to meet expectations is a wonderful thing in itself. However, whether those efforts will bear fruit is unknown. The other person's expectations might also fluctuate depending on their mood. There is no need for your own mood to be swayed by such things.
Summary
In cases where you feel "disappointed with the communication with that person," it is highly likely that you are only looking at your own consciousness and expectations, and not at the other person.
If you use "expectations" as a keyword and try to understand not just yourself but also the other person, the direction of both of you may naturally align.